Bottoming - A matter of getting used to it?

[RSilva]

First, I'm sorry as I don't know if this is the correct subforum to post this.

I would like to ask from more experienced people some insight into bottoming.

I've bottomed some times, not many, and I also have a cock-shaped dildo and prostate massagers (aneros).

Generally, if I take things slowly, generally I'm ok, and it doesn't hurt at all.
I've yet to get the same fun I get from prostate massagers but I guess it also comes from practise? I don't have much experience.

The "problem" I get is that the in-out motion, specially if the cock/dildo is almost going out, it's discomfortable. It is not pain, but discomfort that makes me not enjoy it much. If the motion is smaller (i.e. no almost "out") it doesn't make the sphincter trigger this discomfort so it's more enjoyable for me.

So my questions are:
- Does this discomfort goes away with more practise?
- Does bottoming gets better (even not counting the hypothetical end of discomfort) with more experience? Or is it a "you like it or you don't" kind of thing?

I am curious because with aneros, although rarely, I can achieve fun things, but for now bottoming is kinda meh and the "requirements" for me to have aneros-like fun seem harder to imagine while bottoming (need to be with no discomfort, LOTS of time, etc).

Unfortunately I have serious premature ejaculation so although I would love to be versatile I'm nowhere near the minimum for a top, so for now when I'm with someone (which is very rare) I end up bottoming. I don't dislike it, I actually like to do it, I just wonder if things get better.

 

[pat grimshaw]

You can try this

 

[seioussuction69]

It will get better, practice makes perfect. You're hole isn't drastically different from other men's, we've all been there. I've never met a guy who just naturally took to getting fucked with no preparation or a learning curve. The purpose of the anus is excretion after all, so stuffing something up there will feel weird, painful, amazing. There are some guys who LOVE to bottom, they are born to bottom, and you will meet them. Others prefer stuffing a guy. That much is a matter of taste, but even a total top can learn to take a pounding. Keep using your anal toys, and get ones in different sizes. Some guys start off with a big dildo hate it, and refuse to bottom. Start smaller, your ass will tell you when it craves something bigger. Always use more lube than you think you need, and start with slow motions. As with fucking, shove it in a little, pull it almost out, shove more in, repeat. When it's all the way in, leave it there until the pain is replaced with pleasure. Then start shoving it in & out. Leaving it in place is easy, it's the in & out that takes getting used to, just like fucking. I was using toys long before I got fucked, and it was still painful and took some adjustment. The main thing I hated about getting fucked was that horrific feeling like you have to shit. If you had to shit, you would've known before you got boned. It's not that you have to shit, it's just that your sphincter is only used to opening for a shit, and it's sending that signal to your brain. The sensation goes away soon enough, and in time you just accept it as part of the entry process. Think of getting fucked like getting a shot of painkiller at the hospital: the needle sucks, but you'll feel great pretty fast. As you've no doubt learned by using a prostate massager, prostate stimulation gives quite a kick to your orgasm. The same happens when you devote yourself to bottoming, once you cum while getting fucked, there is no looking back. The ultimate rush is laying on your back, legs spread, getting royally fucked....and blasting your load hands free.


As for your problem with premature ejaculation, this is probably the most common sexual problem after erectile dysfunction. It stems from being nervous or too excited. Learning how to relax will help, and this is where your partner can help. Being with a guy you're totally relaxed with, no performance pressures, no judgements. Anytime I've been with a guy who cums too soon, they always get apologetic and upset. I tell them it's no problem, just relax, that I'm happy just being with them (which is true). Besides, you can always cum again. Find a partner that's patient, tell him you're think you might cum too quick as a top. Most guys will understand, and will want you to fuck them anyhow. Real sex isn't like porn, not all guys can fuck a hole for an hour before shooting. I've lost my load pretty quickly fucking some guys, usually because they were so hot and their asses were like a tight silk fist. You can always get Viagra or Cialis to keep you hard for a long time, even if you cum. In the meantime, just take a deep breath and relax and know that almost all guys are in the same boat. Just keep riding that dildo and beating off!

 

[RSilva]

Thanks for the answers.

Doesn't using lidocaine defeat the purpose of bottoming? I mean, if you remove sensibility you reduce the enjoyment too?

Like I said my problem is not pain, but the "shit" sensation when things are moving that is not comfortable at all and cuts all my enjoyment.

I will keep practising.

As for the premature ejaculation, unfortunately for me it's severe enough so that I can't even thrust more than once, twice.

I was always like this and it also happens when masturbating. I only last seconds if I don't stop.
I've searched for some help but for now, even with Viagra (not for this I know), Priligy and lidocaine to reduce the sensitivity of the penis, I've had no success.

This hurts me a lot.

 

[seioussuction69]

If your premature ejaculation situation is that severe, you might want to consult a urologist. There are also tons of books on sexual health for men, even books on penis health, you name it. Premature ejaculation is not something you have to accept, it can be fixed. It's a type of performance anxiety, like guys who can't get hard because they're so nervous about performing. I used to date a guy that came really easily and fast, sometimes before I could even get his underwear off. He said because he grew up in Mormon household with no privacy, he had to jerk off as fast and quietly as possible, and lived in fear of getting caught or going to hell for it. It took a few months, but he eventually came around (no pun intended) to performing normally. What fixed it was me feeling and jerking him, edging him over and over, and making him feel at ease. He also refused to jerk off for me at first, but we worked on him getting over his shame about it, and it became his favorite thing to do (have me watch him jerk & cum). He used to cum when I fucked him in a minute or two, without touching himself. And if he fucked me, it was over in under a dozen thrusts. But it was just a matter of letting know it was okay, that I was happy just being with him. He might have cum too quickly, but he usually stayed hard, especially in my ass. He would just keep pumping away, and I sure loved taking it! Have you tried edging? Just keep doing that, you should be able to train yourself to hold out. And don't worry about premature ejaculation, that only makes things worse.

 

[RSilva]

Well, it's impossible not to worry, it pains me deeply.

I went to an urologist and it was very disappointing, he asked if I tried viagra and priligy before, which I did, and he said he could do nothing else.

In the last years I've checked my testosterone and it's going down, this year it went below the minimum for 60+ old men (I'm 29), so I went to an endocrinologist but I'm still waiting to have a MRI on my pituitary gland.
Although honestly I've had apparently normal testosterone levels before and it made no difference, so apart from more sex drive (I have almost 0, which explains why I'm so unexperienced) I don't think it will do anything to the premature ejaculation.

These sexuals problems actually are a big part of my depression, although I'm taking currently drugs that have no influence in the sexual part - before I tried some that supposedly also had positive effects in premature ejaculation but nothing changed.

I edge, it's the only way I can masturbate, otherwise it's just an orgasm, and it's super disappointing for me.

Only in September I'll have the endocrinologist appointment so until then it's the usual pain.

Note that there is no difference if I'm with someone or not - the premature ejaculation has the same magnitude when I'm alone, and it was always like this.
Also all the people I've been with had no problem at all with my issue - in fact I only accept to meet someone if they have no problem with this. It's me that is extremely frustrated with it.

The only I never had was a "stable" partner, because I am shy and actually I've never had attraction to anyone, so it's incredibly rare for me to meet someone (something like 5 times a year - yeah I'm almost celibate lol), and until now I didn't "find" anyone to have regular sex with.

 

[mindfulness]

It will get better, practice makes perfect. You're hole isn't drastically different from other men's, we've all been there. I've never met a guy who just naturally took to getting fucked with no preparation or a learning curve. The purpose of the anus is excretion after all, so stuffing something up there will feel weird, painful, amazing. There are some guys who LOVE to bottom, they are born to bottom, and you will meet them. Others prefer stuffing a guy. That much is a matter of taste, but even a total top can learn to take a pounding. Keep using your anal toys, and get ones in different sizes. Some guys start off with a big dildo hate it, and refuse to bottom. Start smaller, your ass will tell you when it craves something bigger. Always use more lube than you think you need, and start with slow motions. As with fucking, shove it in a little, pull it almost out, shove more in, repeat. When it's all the way in, leave it there until the pain is replaced with pleasure. Then start shoving it in & out. Leaving it in place is easy, it's the in & out that takes getting used to, just like fucking. I was using toys long before I got fucked, and it was still painful and took some adjustment. The main thing I hated about getting fucked was that horrific feeling like you have to shit. If you had to shit, you would've known before you got boned. It's not that you have to shit, it's just that your sphincter is only used to opening for a shit, and it's sending that signal to your brain. The sensation goes away soon enough, and in time you just accept it as part of the entry process. Think of getting fucked like getting a shot of painkiller at the hospital: the needle sucks, but you'll feel great pretty fast. As you've no doubt learned by using a prostate massager, prostate stimulation gives quite a kick to your orgasm. The same happens when you devote yourself to bottoming, once you cum while getting fucked, there is no looking back. The ultimate rush is laying on your back, legs spread, getting royally fucked....and blasting your load hands free.

As for your problem with premature ejaculation, this is probably the most common sexual problem after erectile dysfunction. It stems from being nervous or too excited. Learning how to relax will help, and this is where your partner can help. Being with a guy you're totally relaxed with, no performance pressures, no judgements. Anytime I've been with a guy who cums too soon, they always get apologetic and upset. I tell them it's no problem, just relax, that I'm happy just being with them (which is true). Besides, you can always cum again. Find a partner that's patient, tell him you're think you might cum too quick as a top. Most guys will understand, and will want you to fuck them anyhow. Real sex isn't like porn, not all guys can fuck a hole for an hour before shooting. I've lost my load pretty quickly fucking some guys, usually because they were so hot and their asses were like a tight silk fist. You can always get Viagra or Cialis to keep you hard for a long time, even if you cum. In the meantime, just take a deep breath and relax and know that almost all guys are in the same boat. Just keep riding that dildo and beating off!

I love this.

 

[KaraBulut]

First, I'm sorry as I don't know if this is the correct subforum to post this.

It is the correct subforum.

At the top of this forum is a Sticky called "All About Ass". It has links to several common questions about bottoming. One of the most common questions we get about anal sex is how to deal with the balance between pleasure/pain and also how to get past the "I feel like I need to poop" sensation.

- Does this discomfort goes away with more practise?

For most people, yes.

There are some people who just can't get past the pain and who can't relax enough to enjoy it. There are some guys who just don't enjoy prostate stimulation. But these are not the majority- there are plenty of men (and women) who enjoy getting fucked.

Does bottoming gets better (even not counting the hypothetical end of discomfort) with more experience? Or is it a "you like it or you don't" kind of thing? I am curious because with aneros, although rarely, I can achieve fun things,

Like I said my problem is not pain, but the "shit" sensation when things are moving that is not confortable at all and cuts all my enjoyment.

Aneros is specific to one type of anal pleasure- prostate stimulation.

Backing up a step, there are really three things that men (and in some cases, women) enjoy about bottoming:

1. The anus is rich in nerve endings, so the pressure and the friction on those nerve endings provide both pleasure and pain. It takes some practice to get past what your brain tells you when you feel pressure in the rectum and anus ("Time to poop!") and to get to a point where your brain interprets those same sensations as pleasure. In addition, the combination of penis (or clitoris) stimulation plus the anal stimulation can augment each other.
2. Pressure on the prostate (which is where Aneros focuses) is pleasurable and can also either augment an orgasm or for some lucky guys, prostate stimulation alone can trigger an orgasm.
3. There is pleasure psychologically to submission and turning control over to the person fucking you. Some people enjoy that submission and some bottoms are able to turn the act of submission into a feeling of being in control even though they are in the passive/receptive position.

Doesn't using lidocaine defeat the purpose of bottoming? I mean, if you remove sensibility you reduce the enjoyment too?

Yes- for the top and the bottom.

I went to an urologist and it was very disappointing, he asked if I tried viagra and priligy before, which I did, and he said he could do nothing else.

In the last years I've checked my testosterone and it's going down, this year it went below the minimum for 60+ old men (I'm 29), so I went to an endocrinologist but I'm still waiting to have a MRI on my pituitary gland.
Although honestly I've had apparently normal testosterone levels before and it made no difference...
These sexuals problems actually are a big part of my depression, although I'm taking currently drugs that have no influence in the sexual part ...
The only I never had was a "stable" partner, because I am shy and actually I've never had attraction to anyone, so it's incredibly rare for me to meet someone (something like 5 times a year - yeah I'm almost celibate lol), and until now I didn't "find" anyone to have regular sex with.

There's several things to unpack here.

The MRI is to rule out a rare type of pituitary tumor that can affect hormone levels. The MRI (or usually a CT) seldom finds anything significant.

There is a connection between low testosterone and depression in men. Often fixing low testosterone helps improve mood as well as libido. It's also important to check thyroid levels since this can also affect both sexual function and mood.

Some of the newer anti-depressants (e.g. SSRIs) can delay ejaculation. This can be a negative since it also comes with a sensation of detachment. But for men who do have recurrent issues with premature ejaculation, the detachment can delay ejaculation in some cases.

A very common issue in premature ejaculation - which is one that you mention in your post- is lack of sex with a partner. The prevalence of porn and reliance solely upon masturbation has increased the incidence of premature ejaculation and other performance issues. Having sex with yourself is not the same as having sex with another person. It is much more complicated to get hard, stay hard and come at the right time when there's another person involved.

 

[LSC1962]

I have found it takes time, and some anal training. Start with a smaller dildo that will go in without too much trouble, keep using that until you are comfortable with it. Move up to the next size and so on. I also find that if I masturbate and cum with the dildo inside, it is training my opening to flex and adjust to the dildo being inside me.
I also find that if my partner rims me for a while beforehand, and we insert a dildo for a few minutes, he has no trouble getting inside me and any discomfort disappears quickly.
I love the feeling of him filling me up, and being somewhat submissive to his sex.