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Bottoming for guy at NZ sauna .. he removes condom half way

L

logan1

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Hi.
Pretty anxious here. I very rarely have anal sex, and always using condoms. In fact this guy is only the 2nd guy I have bottomed for other than my partner.

Anyway, was at a sauna. I told the guy to put on a condom, which he did and the sex started off this way. About 4 minutes in, I felt down with my hand and felt no condom. I pushed him away. I asked him where the condom was and he said he took it off. I dont think he ejaculated. Needless to say I was pretty angry. It feels like rape, especially as I am always careful. Obviously not careful enough.

So 1 week since this incident, have been to the local sexual health clinic and now face an anxious 3 more week wait for another test.

My question is, should I report this guy to the sauna managers or even other users of the sauna? We don't need this sort of deceitful behaviour.
 
logan1 said:
Hi.
Pretty anxious here. I very rarely have anal sex, and always using condoms. In fact this guy is only the 2nd guy I have bottomed for other than my partner.

Anyway, was at a sauna. I told the guy to put on a condom, which he did and the sex started off this way. About 4 minutes in, I felt down with my hand and felt no condom. I pushed him away. I asked him where the condom was and he said he took it off. I dont think he ejaculated. Needless to say I was pretty angry. It feels like rape, especially as I am always careful. Obviously not careful enough.
Click to expand...
It was rape. If you would have gone to the emergency room, they would have had the sexual assault nurse examiner talk to you about giving a sample for DNA testing.

logan1 said:
So 1 week since this incident, have been to the local sexual health clinic and now face an anxious 3 more week wait for another test.
Click to expand...
They should have given you post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) if you were within the 72 hour window.

logan1 said:
My question is, should I report this guy to the sauna managers or even other users of the sauna? We don't need this sort of deceitful behaviour.
Click to expand...
Yes.

If he did it to you, he'll do it to someone else.
 
I agree it was rape as well and if you can - report it to the owners and to the authorities.

Unfortunately for a long time gay men had no recourse when this happened. I think that is changing now.

I am sorry this happened to you ((())) - maybe find a friend or therapist to talk it out with as well so it doesn't own you.

Good Luck.
 
I went to the sexual health clinic the day after the incident. They said that this encounter didn't meet the criteria for PEP. Apparently in NZ you have to know that the person was HIV+ or be a victim of sexual assault. So they didnt class this as sexual assault. But you're right, I think it's rape too. I'm booked for an std screen on Tuesday. Also will ask re some counselling because I'm struggling with it. The wait is unbearable. Thankfully the incidence of HIV in NZ is comparatively low, so the chances are either the guy was on Prep, doesn't have it, or if he does has a zero viral load. But it's hard to think positively when you feel violated like this.
 
logan1 said:
I went to the sexual health clinic the day after the incident. They said that this encounter didn't meet the criteria for PEP. Apparently in NZ you have to know that the person was HIV+ or be a victim of sexual assault. So they didnt class this as sexual assault.
Click to expand...
I think this is part of the problem: they viewed this as a consensual encounter and discounted is as an "assault". If you were a woman, they probably would have considered it an assault.

logan1 said:
But you're right, I think it's rape too. I'm booked for an std screen on Tuesday. Also will ask re some counselling because I'm struggling with it. The wait is unbearable. Thankfully the incidence of HIV in NZ is comparatively low, so the chances are either the guy was on Prep, doesn't have it, or if he does has a zero viral load. But it's hard to think positively when you feel violated like this.
Click to expand...
Because you caught it early before he came, the risk of HIV infection is lowered but one has to wonder about his motivation and why he would have done this.

Make sure they test you for all STIs, not just HIV. The "old school" STIs like syphilis and gonorrhea are still common and in a setting like a sauna, these would be more likely to be circulating.
 
Lots of guys leave the condoms off these days. Rape indeed!

[edit] This guy violated your boundaries, which isn't good, providing you didn't WANT your boundaries violated. Were you both drinking?
 
Hope you're doing well and didn't catch anything from the bastard!
 
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