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Boyfriend and Gay Clubs

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rc0026

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My boyfriend and I have been together for about 7 months. I was on his computer the other day and noticed something that kind of has me upset. I saw his search history on Google and he looked up "gay clubs and bars" for the area he is traveling to. At the time he is already there but I just cant stop thinking about it.

Should I be worried he is trying to meet someone just for quick sex and gratification while down there? We both still have not come out yet.
 
Almost anything is possible, but I'd suggest instead of sweating what may be nothing, you just talk to him. Good relationships take work and communication and its never too late to start.

Good luck:D
 
But I don't want him to think I had been snooping around. If it is indeed nothing, he may think twice about me because of what I saw and how I saw it.
 
I just texted him and he said he was just at the bar watching tv at the hotel.
 
Its just a gay bar! Who cares, you should try to go clubbing together. If hes out of town he most likely just wants to catch a drink somewhere and make friends. Communication is a huge part of a relationship. Talk and make sure he has fun when he leaves town. Sex doesn't always equal fun. He's likely looking for friends.

My boyfriend and I go out once in a while, but he likes drinking and going out much more than I do. And I dont mind him going out every other night, because I know at the end of the night he will be coming home to me.
 
Tell him you saw the search info. Just. Be. Honest.

If it bothers you, say so.

It could be the beginning of the end of your realtionship, or you may come out stronger for it.
 
Bars/clubs aren't always about finding sex ! A lot of people go just to hang out with friends, meet new friends, or simply unwind in the company of others.
 
Corny said:
Interesting. Just a few days ago you had another "boyfriend" .. :roll:

Do you have too much free time?
Click to expand...

No its the same boyfriend. I just didn't want to seem like want to seem like a huge worry freak :(. So I made a new account. Sorry but I just don't want to be lied to or have to worry about it, I just want to hear from others about what I can do or should do.
 
if you say so .. however the other thread provides quite a lot of background info that would be kinda important to give you suitable advice in this thread ...
 
rc0026 said:
No its the same boyfriend. I just didn't want to seem like want to seem like a huge worry freak :(. So I made a new account. Sorry but I just don't want to be lied to or have to worry about it, I just want to hear from others about what I can do or should do.
Click to expand...

OK, well first off he's not your boyfriend, he's some woman's husband. You don't want to be lied to, how do you think his wife would feel?

Second, he's cheating on her, so I suppose you have some justification for being worried.

Third, honesty isn't his strong suit.

You want to know what to do? Walk.

Find yourself a guy who's not married with kids and has no intention of coming out, or ending the marriage so you can have him. Work on coming out yourself. There's a game plan for you.

Having dramas about a married guy, you're having an illicit affair with, who may or may not be cheating on you as well, out at gay bars while he's away from his wife; isn't a situation that is conducive to anyone's self respect.
 
honey, the funny thing about dating a cheater is that you always assume he won't cheat on you.

the sad reality is, you are nothing more than a sex toy to him, regardless of what he says. If you were really something special, he would have already left everything for you. Since we see he hasn't, you are just a fun play thing. Well, that is until he finds another one who is much more fun and less of a nag
 
sentirpromesas said:
honey, the funny thing about dating a cheater is that you always assume he won't cheat on you.

the sad reality is, you are nothing more than a sex toy to him, regardless of what he says. If you were really something special, he would have already left everything for you. Since we see he hasn't, you are just a fun play thing. Well, that is until he finds another one who is much more fun and less of a nag
Click to expand...

I guess this is why I am so worried :(:(:(, I am sorry TX I know your giving helpful advice its just really hard :(
 
rc0026 said:
I guess this is why I am so worried :(:(:(, I am sorry TX I know your giving helpful advice its just really hard :(
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Yes, well we're adults not toddlers. Sometimes you have to think of something other than your pecker. Or your feelings.

This situation is going to destroy this woman. Either through a life of quiet desperation, or dramatic discovery. he's stealing, her dreams, her self respect, her time, her security, her chance at happily ever after. When she finds out - and they always do, he'll have pushed her into that special hell reserved for wives of closet cases.

Do you think she'll thank him for that? Do you want to be a part of that? How can you ignore your role in it?

It's time to be a man, to be a stand up guy, you can't stop him from hurting her - the sad thing is the damage is already done - but you can walk away from hurting her any more than you already have.

Walking here is not only the right thing to do, but it has the added benefit of being the prudent thing to do, because if you think being the lesser piece of ass isn't going to affect your self respect, and self esteem; you're lying to yourself just as much as he's lying to her.

Yes it's hard, and yes I'm being hard, because there is third party abuse going on here. You are hurting someone else, for no better reason than your pecker and your "feelings."

You have no right to insert yourself into her marriage. Even if he invited you in, you are responsible for making that choice.

It's time to fix it, time to walk away. Time to work on yourself, and the kind of person you are.
 
sentirpromesas said:
honey, the funny thing about dating a cheater is that you always assume he won't cheat on you.

the sad reality is, you are nothing more than a sex toy to him, regardless of what he says. If you were really something special, he would have already left everything for you. Since we see he hasn't, you are just a fun play thing. Well, that is until he finds another one who is much more fun and less of a nag
Click to expand...

couldn't have said it better.

No offense to the OP but based on your previous thread, this guy isn't your "boyfriend" or at least you sure aren't his. You're his fuck buddy.
 
If your 'boyfriend' is married and living with his family, how did you get onto his computer while he's away?

You already know he's cheating on his wife and family, and we've already told you that he's cheating on you....why the need for this thread?

I would only suggest that if you're this neurotic about your 'relationship', you should seek professional counselling.

Thanks to Corny for clarifying things.
 
Normally, the advice for someone who found something on his boyfriend's computer would be to come clean and to have an honest discussion about why he's going out to gay clubs when he's on a business trip (and more important, why he's keeping these things a secret from you).

That's not something unusual- a lot of gay men who travel often would prefer to be in the company of other people instead of sitting in the hotel room.

However, knowing the rest of this the history, this isn't about this business trip, it's about a lack of trust. And it's not a healthy thing for anyone.
 
hotatlboi said:
No offense to the OP but based on your previous thread, this guy isn't your "boyfriend" or at least you sure aren't his. You're his fuck buddy.
Click to expand...
This is so true. The advice on that other thread is so apt, and applies here as well.

For all you know, you're just his fuck buddy in your town, and he has several others in nearby towns/suburbs.

Is this really your goal in life? To never have an open relationship that you can talk to others about?

He must be one fine sugar daddy.
 
wow this thread took a twist. OP you should have given us the information in the other thread to better understand your situation.

If he's cheating on his wife (the mother of his kids), what makes you think he wont cheat on you (a nobody).

Ditch him and find someone with some dignity.
 
So either you are a jealous type or insecure, or he gave you reasons that he is cheating.

This can break up a good relationship.
when there is jealousy and insecurity by one or both.

My honey goes to clubs/bars to hang out and relax when he is away on bussiness and I do the same. But we are secure that theere is no doubt we are not cheateing on each other.

And this comes from us being totally honest and we talk and we know we are together.

But we have been togther for 25+ yrs now.
 
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