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Boyfriend can't get me off

Wolfy2020

Wolfy2020

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The guy I'm dating is everything I've always wanted in a boyfriend and he feels the same about me except for one thing. We are in a somewhat new relationship thats not even been 3 months yet.

The problem is that I have a few emotional hangups when it comes to sex that come from a bit of insecurity due to bad past relationships. The guy I was with before my current boyfriend died in a car wreck. Also sex with all the other guys I have been with I've felt just as a vessel for them to get off.

My boyfriend wants to be able to make me cum during sex but instead I usually end up getting myself off. I can stay hard and get him off and I enjoy it but he has some trouble getting me off. I've asked for patience but I feel a lot of pressure since he says this takes an emotional toll on him. I feel like progress can be made with my situation if I didn't feel so much pressure all the time. I don't know that I can make the situation better especially when he thinks we should end the relationship if no progress is made soon. I don't know how to lose myself in the moment during sex when all of this is weighing on my mind.

In summary, during sex we both get off its just I'm usually the one that gets myself off. Is this something that should be a deal breaker in our relationship??? Any tips or advice?
 
See if you can work your way up. How about if you lay in his arms while you jerked off? That way, there's still some intimacy, but there's not much baggage, since you're still basically handling everything yourself. Then, slowly, engage him more. Have him rub your chest while you masturbate. Or kiss you tenderly. Or fondle your balls. I think as time goes on, you should be able to get into it more. If he's willing to give it a go, I'd say go for it.

Lex
 
"he thinks we should end the relationship if no progress is made soon"

I find that an odd stance considering the 'problem' -- btw-- isnt that big of a problem
 
I think it is common for guys in gay relationships to have to get themselves off. You see this all the time in porn, so I'm sure it's not much different with the sex in real relationships. It's only a problem if one or both of you think it is.
 
Wolfy- I think your boyfriend is being very selfish. He's putting pressure on you and that is only going to make it worse. If I were you, I would have a discussion with him telling him that he is putting pressure on you and that isn't helping.

if he truly believes you guys should end the relationship because of this issue, then I say to you, You can do much better than this guy. I am amazed that he would be so selfish and want to break up over this little issue that isn't that big of a deal. Seems almost like he is a control freak who wants to control you and if he can't then he wants to break things off.
 
G-Lexington said:
See if you can work your way up. How about if you lay in his arms while you jerked off? That way, there's still some intimacy, but there's not much baggage, since you're still basically handling everything yourself. Then, slowly, engage him more. Have him rub your chest while you masturbate. Or kiss you tenderly. Or fondle your balls. I think as time goes on, you should be able to get into it more. If he's willing to give it a go, I'd say go for it.

Lex
Click to expand...

I agree with Lex...talk about it with him and change it up! See what the two of you can do to work it out. If you both feel the same way for eachother, then there is something to work on and look forward to! Let him rim you and play with your balls while you jerk off...or do what Lex suggests in his post.
Best of luck Wolfy...keep us posted!!!

SJB
 
Maybe he feels rejected, like he's not sexy enough to get you off, or that he's not capable of pleasuring you. He would be transferring this insecurity to you instead, blaming you so that he doesn't feel as bad about himself. Does he know what you like, have you guided him during sex as to what makes you feel good?

If this is a deal-breaker, it's a deal-breaker. You're better off without him, and clearly he is not all you've ever wanted in a boyfriend.
 
He wants to end the relationship because of that? Ha!

DTMFA.

(Dump the motherfucker already.)
 
Should not be a deal breaker.
And if he is making demands on you of if this is a deal breaker, he is not the bf you always wanted.
Relationships is about respect for one another, and working together.....end of story!
 
He's everything you have ever wanted in a bf and he is so impatient he can't give you the time to work through this issue? What's wrong with this picture?

Sex should be loving and playful not something that causes stress or pressure in the relationship.
 
I can't get my boyfriend off everytime. He takes anti-depressants and also has a lot of job stress. Sometimes his boner just wont last. And I'm almost always the top in the relationship. I've fucked him hundreds of times and he's fucked me maybe 10-15 times. It's just the way it is. He's happy when I get off and sometimes thats enough. I don't take it personally. Like I'm not sexy enough for him. It's just the way it is. And I love him no matter what.
 
SantaCBear said:
"he thinks we should end the relationship if no progress is made soon"

I find that an odd stance considering the 'problem' -- btw-- isnt that big of a problem
Click to expand...

Thanks SantaCBear, I was not putting my finger on the hitch, and I believe you nailed it. It is strange, so it is really about him and not you.
Shep+
 
Let me tell you what I have learned the hard way: with orgasms, it is every man (or woman) for him(her)self. If either of you can't get off with a partner, then think a bit more selfishly. The ability to get off is his/your problem. End of story. Attach no blame to yourself.
 
to 420inc: I think that troubles with orgasm and some sexual problems of your boyfriend´s problems are probably due to those anti-depressants. It is common for SSRIs (the usual anti-depressants) to have such side-effects like these while he takes them, but as he wears them off, the sexual functions will for 96% renew to normal. The opposite is quite rare...
 
Nice Boy said:
to 420inc: I think that troubles with orgasm and some sexual problems of your boyfriend´s problems are probably due to those anti-depressants. It is common for SSRIs (the usual anti-depressants) to have such side-effects like these while he takes them, but as he wears them off, the sexual functions will for 96% renew to normal. The opposite is quite rare...
Click to expand...
to 420inc: I think that troubles with orgasm and some sexual problems of your boyfriend´s problems are probably due to those anti-depressants. It is common for SSRIs (the usual anti-depressants) to have such side-effects like these while he takes them, but as he wears them off, the sexual functions will for 96% renew to normal. The opposite is quite rare...
 
hey wolfy,

as others already said .. you need to talk to him. something like that shouldn't be something that ends an otherwise perfectly fine relationship. especially he should know that through pressurizing you through expectations like that he doesn't help the situation at all - quite on the contrary.

in terms of sex and especially in terms of orgasms we don't work like machines. some people can't cum from blowjobs, others can't cum while getting fucked.
there is no always working receipt for an orgasm. but it seems that at least you do know how to get off, and you can get off while with him. i think that's a start :)
eg .. can you get off while he is licking your balls? or hugging you from behind .. slowly massaging you, or maybe assisting your hands? can you get off through dry-humping him (see frottage)?
maybe he would like it if you get off before him, and finish him .. covered in your cum? (sorry if i am getting to graphic). or by being the active partner in anal sex?
there are lots of ways in what you can do together. find out what works best for you. good luck :)
 
This reminds me of what happened last time with me. I could not do it. So I just had to jack off and then when I felt like it was ready, I then continued what we were doing. I eventually did cum, but I had to jack off to get me off. It frustrated me, to be honest.
 
Hey Guys thanks so much for your help. We had a long talk last night and it seemed to do our relationship good. I had to tell him how all of this was making me feel and what kind of boyfriend I needed him to be. I think the situation was blown way out of proportion and got out of hand. He seemed like a completely different person once he had time to let the frustration settle. Only time will tell how this all plays out for us but as of now we are doing ok and things seem much better. The talk seemed to help him let go of some of the frustration he had let build up inside of him and I believed that help him get some of the spark back that he had lost.
 
intimacy is important in the relationship. but it is not the relationship. it should never be the deal breaker. because real love goes beyond intimacy. you can be with someone who even if you don't have sex with him. impossible? no, very possible because if you love somebody. it will come to a certain point that you just dont care. you want to be with this person. if there is a price that you have to pay. then be it. sitting down and telling him about what turns you on and helps you get off, is important. just as he should communicate to you what turns him on and get him off. together, both of you can work on this. the mind is the sexiest part of the body. it is truly hard to totally understand it.

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patric
http://expressmen.blogspot.com
 
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