Boyfriend Interested in Group Masturbation

[DBSKIsMine]

Hi there all!

Been a long time since I posted here but I'm now in a very happy committed relationship.

A little background for context here: my boyfriend and I live together and he is a quasi-ex-mormon (long story). I am his first male relationship although he has had female relationships in the past and I am the first male he has had extensive sexual relations with.

We're very open and communicate frequently with each other about all topics. Very early on I established that I'm extremely transparent and I expect the same. Over time while we were living together I experienced some health related issues that ultimately lowered my sex drive. It was during this time that I had discovered that he had made arrangements to meet up with a local masturbation group and met only with the hosts (a gay couple) to masturbate. I was very hurt, not so much by the act itself, but rather that he went behind my back about it.

We talked at length about it as well as myself getting some outside perspective on the issue from my counselor I was seeing for unrelated anxiety issues and it really helped me get a better grasp on the underlying reasons. Those mostly being that we're different in the sense that I have had a lot of prior sexual experience with men, whereas he has been repressing it for so long that he now feels like a kid in a candy store with not very much outlet. He's not romantically inclined at all in regards to the men at these group meetings but is strictly there for the sexual experience.

Since then our relationship has gotten even stronger as we've opened up to each other even more. We established that I am ok with him exploring sexually but that I want it to be something we do together as a couple, which he was very excited about the prospect.

Which brings me to the point of my post: this is all new territory for me. I have never been in a relationship that was anything but monogamous in the strictest sense of the word. I'm not opposed to some group fun at all, especially if it helps him feel more fulfilled from a sexual standpoint (despite the fact that since taking care of my health issues he has told me numerous times that the sex we have is amazing). In fact, group masturbation has always been a fantasy of mine, but whenever I fantasized about it, I was never in a committed relationship.

So we're now planning to meet up with the hosts of the group again for a four-way masturbation session. We've been talking to them together to set it up and I'm committed to making this happen. But it still gives me a sense of nervousness that I can't quite put my finger on.

To the gentlemen on this board who have had similar experiences, did you have similar anxiety about the first time it happened? How did you work through it? What was the overall effect on your relationship? Do you feel it made it stronger? If so, how?

Looking forward to getting some more insight on this.

 

[LuckysRevenge]

You will probably get a lot of this and the opposite of this as well but...

I think you need to have an honest talk with your boyfriend and explore where this might be leading.

Are you the only male he has had extensive sexual relations with?
I ask because it is only natural to want to explore. I have found that many of the men who come out later in life and start relationships before "sowing their oats" eventually want more.

Would you be okay with opening it to more than masturbation? Of course, it may never get past that. However, it's better to confront that sooner than later in my opinion. Are you doing 4 way session because it is something you desire or because it is a way to keep your boyfriend? If he wants more, will it become a problem? Do you have a hard line for yourself or do you see yourself becoming more open-minded (and not only for him)?

People are often in relationships that they feel happy in and so very satisfied..but they want more (whether consciously or subconsciously). I've been there.. and I've had friends who have been there. We make rules in our head like jerking off is okay.. or phone sex.. or cybersex.. sexting.. harmless flirting. Whatever we tell ourselves, there is a reason we pursue something outside of the relationship, no matter how small. And unless that underlying reason is addressed early, I have seen it lead to complications and often the eventual demise of a relationship.

Just rambling but hope it helped to spur some thoughts.

 

[Seasoned]

You have to be comfortable with your decision and what it means for yourself. He takes care of himself and makes the best decisions for himself and you do the same for yourself. The two of you compromise when your wants and his don't match. Each of you also has needs, which can't be compromised without affecting personhood and long term happiness and contentment.

Do you think jack off parties will be good for you and your relationship? These are two separate issues. For you to be comfortable the answers need to match before you agree. You're having misgivings. Try to imagine what you'll feel like in the situation and afterwards and go with your gut.

 

[DBSKIsMine]

Well it turns out we actually met up with the hosts for the four way. And truth be told, the longer I was there the less it became about me doing this for him because I wanted to support him and more about me enjoying it because I legitimately was. It was a very eye-opening experience for me and it was made even more enjoyable by the fact that my boyfriend was there enjoying it as much as I was. We both had a great time and after we left and went out to dinner we both talked about how much we enjoyed it. From my perspective it was something new and different and I was happy we were able to communicate about it and be able to do something like that together. He said that he liked it even more that I was there and seeing me in such a situation was a massive turn on for him.

As to one of the questions about will it ever go beyond masturbation, we've talked about that in the past. He specifically wants to do this sort of thing because this particular type of scenario (jack off party) is a huge fantasy for him. As to whether or not anything else happens? I feel like I would be ok with letting him take it further as long as we were experiencing these things together and it was purely sexual. I would not be ok with him doing these things on his own and he is aware and is fine with it and he also knows and is fine with the fact that I am by no means interested in an open romantic relationship.

So all in all I feel like it was a good experience to have and that it ultimately was something that I think will in the long road allow us to be even happier sexually.

 

[sixthson]

After a couple of jack off sessions with two cousins in the hayloft of a barn when I was 15, I knew I needed more than that, even if it was hot. I doubt it will stop at masturbation. Prepare yourself.

 

[LuckysRevenge]

I love your perspective. Thanks for giving an update.

He's a very very lucky man.

 

[innocentbychoice]

After a couple of jack off sessions with two cousins in the hayloft of a barn when I was 15, I knew I needed more than that, even if it was hot. I doubt it will stop at masturbation. Prepare yourself.

Yeah it will probably lead to more, but that's fine as long as both of them are open, honest and not uncomfortable about it.

 

[Seasoned]

There's no reason to not experiment if you're both on the same page. Every couple gets to define their relationship. There are examples of both success and failure. Trust and self-control are key.

There are 4 things that can happen to any relationship. It stays the same. It gets better. It's gets worse. It ends. Communication is key as would be the knowledge that either of you would be willing to leave a situation if the other were to be uncomfortable. Remember, too, the part drugs and alcohol can play. If I were doing this, I'd continue to look for other couples as opposed to having three ways, but that's just me.

 

[truszgold]

You won't like this, but you have to finf a way to work around this. With two men together it is a HUGE problem in keeping rellationships together. I have the same partner for 25 years and a full time boyfriend fr 8years. You need to ccome to terms wit loosening up, I would waen never get involved in 3 wyas you are not the personality.