Boyfriend is going away for 2 months. Help

[Gekishinken]

Hi all,

I've been dating a lovely Chinese guy for the past 5 months. We talk every day, go on weekly dates, attended Pride together and are going on a couples vacation to Disney World and Universal Studios next week. I love him and value him as my partner. He loves me too. He is 26 (a grad student studying Computer Science) and i'm 25. He's about 4 months older than I am. We've casually discussed moving in together at the end of the year and recently gave each other bracelets with the others initials and a heard engraved in them.

He respects me a lot. He wants to have unprotected sex and I said I wasn't ready for that. He has never pressured me and said he'll wait for when or if i'm ready. I can see myself being ready if we get married. We both got tested for HIV at Pride and were both negative. He has only had sex with 3 people in his life (2 before me). He's truly a great guy.

The one downside is that he is leaving the USA for 2 months. He is going on a month long backpacking trip to Europe (as well as an EDM festival) and then back to China for a month. He will be gone from July 4th until September 1st. He hasn't seen his family in a year and I don't blame him at all for wanting to see them.

I'm nervous that this will be somehow hinder our relationship. He tells me I think too much and that we can still facetime or text message using mobile apps (he is taking his iPhone with). I know he's right. I'm someone who over-analyzes EVERYTHING, sometimes to the point of paranoia.

2 months isn't a long time though, right? I don't think I added this, but we foresee moving in with each other near the end of the year. He and I are also thinking about moving to California after he graduates and moving in together.

 

[TX-Beau]

DO you trust him or not?

 

[Gekishinken]

DO you trust him or not?

Yep. I think my mind just tends to think of the worst possible scenario, as I am someone who tends to over analyze situations.

 

[Benvolio]

You daily contacts by cell phone etc should give you comfort.

 

[Seasoned]

Someone who's going to cheat doesn't need to leave the country to do it. Also, he's not the only one who will be away from his partner. Are you afraid of what you might do or might want to do and then projecting that on to him? Healthy relationships aren't about ownership. They're about voluntary day by day commitment.

Find some new things to do while he's gone and let him enjoy himself without having to report in. There are time differences. There are unexpected events and glitches and you could potentially drive yourself nuts. Going away ought to mean just that. Gives yourselves some time to miss each other.

 

[hotatlboi]

This post is hilarious.

I'm in the EXACT same situation, only I had only been dating my bf for 3 months before he left for summer.

He's Chinese too and he went back home for summer too to see family and friends.

We've been messaging every few days and I have zero worries about our relationship.

As said, trust is key. Without trust, your relationship will not work even when he's with you. With trust, you don't have to worry even if you don't hear from him for a while.

Something else that's been cool for us is that we've been planning things to do when he gets back, so it's a reminder that the absence is only temporary.

 

[Appleman34]

I don't think it's that he doesn't trust his boyfriend, I think he's just afraid the spark will die if they're apart for that long. But like your Chinese boyfriend said, you have phones and such. You'll be fine.