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Boyfriend is jerking off without me

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urbanennui

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I don't have any problem with my boyfriend jerking off without me, and I've made it pretty clear that I don't mind it (I do it too when he's not around, and he knows that). But for some reason, he lies about it. He only does it in the bathroom in the morning (he locks the door), but I can definitely hear him jerking off. Then when I ask him about it if I see his dick leaking, he says it's precum from morning wood, and says he wasn't jerking off when I know he was. Wtf?? Really, what does this mean? Why does he feel he needs to lie about it? He always has his iphone with him, but he doesn't like porn. So why does he jerk off when he knows he can fuck me whenever he wants? Btw, we live together, and this doesn't happen everyday, but every so often when he thinks I'm still sleeping.

This seems like a problem for straight couples, where women get all pissy about their husband/boyfriend jacking off because they think "am I not enough for him to be satisfied?" But as two guys, we both understand that sometimes you just want to jack off on your own without necessarily having sex. It's a way to release without having to perform, and when you get the urge, you get the urge. Guys understand that, and that's what I told him. But still he lies about it. It pisses me off. Has anyone dealt with this situation in a relationship? Do you think he's hiding something from me?
 
Nothing to worry about...my partner and I do it solo a lot and also together a lot. That fact that he denies it, may be because he finds it slightly embarrassing...almost like getting caught in the act...
Try starting a solo session and encourage him to join...even if you start to stroke him. See where it escalates...
 
Give him his privacy. It could be a long pattern with him, jerking off in the morning. It's only a problem if the two of you are having sex less often or if he's locking himself off more often.
 
Some guys have shame issues attached to jerkin' off. You can probably find a Nun or pastor to blame some where in there if that's the case.
 
haha I had the same problem! But let me ask you this, are you guys still having sex? If not, then I think it'd be a problem, but he also needs his privacy, maybe hes uncomfortable to tell you he's fapping in the restroom. Masturbation is a solo thing and like I said private thing too, you shouldn't suffocate him over it. Lets just be glad he isn't going out cheating or anything (that we know of)
 
We're still having sex, although there was a time when we were doing it every morning. And now it seems that he is jerking off as a substitute for that, even though I'm more than willing to have sex every morning like we did. So that's one thing that concerns me. And he already says he jerks off when I'm away for an evening, so shame or embarrassment has nothing to do with him lying. Finally, the other day, he left for work and forgot his iphone in the bathroom, but when he came back to get it, he told me forgot his wallet (he thought I was still in bed and hadn't been to the bathroom) so there's another lie. He also changed the passcode for his phone, so I couldn't get into it. What does that indicate? Like I said, jerking off is fine, but lying about it is not, and it makes me think about what other stuff he's lying about. For now, I'm letting him do his thing, but it's already bothering me that he lies.
 
The issue isn't as much that he's wanking in the bathroom, it's that he's got interests that make you feel neglected.

You have a decision to make. He's probably got something going on with the iPhone that he's getting off to. If you feel that's cheating, then you need to have a talk with him. If you're okay with him looking but not touching, then you need to do some thinking about whether it's going to be fine for him to leave you in the bed in the morning so that he can jack off with his iPhone.

Either way, you're correct. Lying about it isn't healthy for the relationship.
 
Just leave him alone. It's a private thing for him and if you make it an issue it will become something bigger
 
Well see if you can join him in a jerk off session. When my boyfriend did this a lot I did confront him, asking him why lie? why do it so much? It went on for like 2 - 3 months, I think its just one of those times where he needs alone time to himself without you getting on to him about playing with his own dick. I do understand your problem though, maybe you should put some porn on and see if he could masturbate with you? My boyfriend loved the idea, it was a bit weird at first but its an awesome bonding experiment. Hope he stops beating around the bush, just don't get too worried, that'll only make the situation worse by pushing him away further.
 
Ok you need to talk to him, but not in an accusing tone. Talk to him and express that you genuinely don't understand why he wants to hide the fact that he's jerking off without you. Tell him you're ok with it and find it normal, it's just that you don't understand why he lies about it.
 
Trust me, Son, this is not a problem. You have already spent more time on this than it deserves - time that could have been used building the relationship.
 
I strongly agree with another poster here: give him some privacy. I hate it when my boyfriend walks in on me, and will get angry if he does so. Masturbation is something private for me and separate and different from having sex (which we do often enough). I can't really explain it any better. So: just give your man some space, it's not as if he is sleeping around.
 
Well, if you wanted sex every morning, I would be happy to oblige. However, some guys just want to jerk off I guess without having the need to acknowledge it. I agree, it is bizarre he lies about it, but maybe he just doesn't want to talk or address it.

I would only worry if your sex life begins to dry up and you start to discover more secrecy with digital technology. Until then, just work on trust and building the relationship.

You might even want to jerk off near him just to see how he reacts. :lol:
 
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