boyfriend is upset

[dreamerboi]

*please bare with me, I have a lot on my mind*

My bf is upset with me because I passive-aggressively said that I thought a movie that we recently watched, which he really liked, was a cliche. He has become very upset with me over this. He said his feelings are hurt that I am not supporting something that he really likes. I can understand why he is upset. I didn't hate the film, I didn't particularly like it either. What really turned me off about the film was how my bf was oohing and aahing over how "pretty" this one character was in the film. I know it sounds trivial but it really turned me off. Especially at one point in the film where this character smiled and my bf went "awww" in this really gay tone that I have never heard from him. I don't like that bf is admiring a woman. It makes me uncomfortable. It bothers me even more because I came across my bf browsing bi-curious porn. Also, he is always complaining about me having stubble. Sometimes when we are making out he stops and complains that my "beard" is hurting him and that I should have shaved. I don't have a beard. Just a little stubble on the day that I don't shave and since when is it wrong for a man to have stubble. I feel really emasculated. I don't want to be a substitute for a woman for my bf.
What should I do? Talk to him about it? Have you experienced this?

 

[Rolyo85]

Wow. You both sound dazzlingly insecure... No offense. Just address this issue with him. Tell him how you feel. But for God's sake, do not be offended by him liking a character in a movie, and don't let such a thing become an actual problem between you. What are you, 12?

 

[ben9651]

Is there anything you DO like about him ?!

 

[Seasoned]

If I haven't already welcomed you let me do that now. I also want you to know I've been with my husband for over 28 years and, together, we've pretty much experienced it all. What I'm sensing from your post is insecurity and a bit of co-dependency. You can work on those issues and I can guarantee you'll be happier if you do.

First, the beard issue. We are all different regarding skin sensitivity. It must have something to do with nerve endings. There are times when my husband's stubble just plain hurts. Sometimes I can put up with it, othertimes I need the sheet between us if he's resting his face on my chest, and there have been times when I've asked him to shave. He has never complained about my stubble.

Now, about bi porn. Maybe he just likes the female submissiveness of it. I find it more taboo and sometimes it appeals to me and I have no desire to have sex with a woman.

Lastly, about the movie. Sometimes we have to learn when to just be quiet. Pick your fights carefully and know what they are really about. It's better to be honest, even after the fact. "I was confused when you oohed and ahhed over the woman because it reminded me that you like bi porn and now I'm feeling insecure thinking you're bi. My worry ruined the movie for me, which I didn't already like as much as you did." Hopefully, he'll tell you that you're nuts and the two of you can move on.

A big part of a relationship is knowing when to agree to disagree. As part of our wedding vows we each stated that, "I will try to understand you even when I don't agree with you."

Enjoy him. Give him space to be him and insist he do the same. When arguments come up ask yourself if you'd rather be right or be happy. Best wishes to you both.

 

[dreamerboi]

^ Thank you for your thoughtful response.

 

[Seasoned]

^You're welcome. Pm me anytime. I've learned a lot about relationships and a lot of what I learned I did the hard way. Some relationships, like mine, aren't necessarily easy, but as long as both people are willing they can have something solid, loving and rewarding.

 

[ebluue]

@ Seasoned, i really admire you. You sound like a very stable, intelligent and a nice guy. And to be honest, i'm jealous (in a good way) of you and your bf's 28 yrs of long-term relationship.