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Boyfriend/Lover/Roomie?? what to do

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younglove25

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Hey guys, I'm in a bit of a messy situation and need some advise. I am presently living with a roomie and we have been getting along great until i started dating this guy. Now, my roomie has totally shut down and is going out of his way to be difficult and nosy my relationship. He also mentioned that one of the reasons he 'let' me move in with him was because he thought the two of us could take a crack at being bfs. Well, now that the possibility is off the table, things have gotten kinda hairy between the two of us. My bf is being super supportive thru this whole thing, which is one of the reasons i totally dig him. We were talking over coffee tonight, and i jokingly said if my roomie kicks me out, we might end up living together sooner than we both thought. I chuckled, but he quite seriously said, babe if you need that im totally here for you and we will make it work together. I almost teared up hearing those words bc i know he totally means it.

My concern is, i dont wanna rush things (moving in) and risk screwing things bw my awesome guy and i up. He promises it wont happen, but still im worried. That, and he and i have only been seeing each other for a couple months, so the relationship is still new.. but we both are very confident in each other and the relationship :)

What are your opinions on this situation? Am i being foolish even entertaining the thought of moving in with my bf? Or if the offer is on the table and we are both ok with it, do i take the jump and go for it?

Thanks a bunch ..|
 
Ouch, I am sorry your roommate is being very unreasonable here. To become your roommate with the assumption that you'd be his boyfriend someday is borderline creepy.

Have you had a serious talk to your roommate about his behavior? He knows he is behaving unreasonably and you recognize it. Have you called him out on it? Give him an ultimatum. Tell your roommate you enjoy sharing an apartment together, but you will leave and no longer be his friend if he makes you feel unwelcome in your own home. You have options, younglove25, use them to your advantage. Hopefully, your roommate will realize he's about to lose a friend and reliable person to share expenses with, and cut the crap he's pulling.

If not, find another roommate. There are plenty of them out there without having to immediately move in with your boyfriend just yet.

Did this help?
 
younglove25 said:
What are your opinions on this situation?
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Your current roommate should not be acting like your mother or your jealous ex-lover.


younglove25 said:
Am i being foolish even entertaining the thought of moving in with my bf? Or if the offer is on the table and we are both ok with it, do i take the jump and go for it?
Click to expand...

Not foolish for considering the offer but it has the possibility of creating the same situation you have now. It's just too soon in the relationship.

Find a roommate who has no interest in your personal business or in getting into your pants. Thank the boyfriend for his offer and his support.
 
Too much jealousy; you need to move out.

It is probably too soon to move in with the bf, but you never know. Surely there is someone else you can move in with, no? At least for a few more months? Then you'd feel better moving in with the bf, rather than it being rushed.

Or maybe you just like to move a lot. ;)
 
Thanks for your replies guys.. things are a bit better with the roomie, but still crazy awkward. I do have a couple friends I can move in with for a while so I can see how the relationship with my awesome bf develops. He and i seem to be getting closer all the time and are finding more and more things we have in common. He sends these sweet txt messages to me at random times just to let me know he's thinking about me, or to see how my day is going, or the occasional erotic txt to get my hardon going lol. He is waiting for the perfect time to take my anal virginity, like during a trip to the ocean that he wants to take me on in the later part of the spring :) I'll keep ya in the loop depending on how things go, thanks again for the input... any other advise you can offer would be appreciated
 
I agree that it's too soon to move in with your bf.

I'm wondering if part of the jealousy problem that your roommate is having is that you are not spending any time with him...as friends. Often times when people are in new relationships all the attention goes to that and the friends get ignored.

I think you should have a heart to heart with your roomie, let him know that you're happy with your bf and that ain't going to change, but still want to maintain your friendship with him (the roomie)...and are willing to work on fixing it as long as he is willing to work on it too. Perhaps one night a week you do dinner together, movie night or your favorite show at home (whatever you did as friends before)...without your bf there. It really is important to maintain/nurture your friendships while you are in a relationship because your friends are still there when/if the relationship ends.
 
jaysizzles said:
I agree that it's too soon to move in with your bf.

I'm wondering if part of the jealousy problem that your roommate is having is that you are not spending any time with him...as friends. Often times when people are in new relationships all the attention goes to that and the friends get ignored.

I think you should have a heart to heart with your roomie, let him know that you're happy with your bf and that ain't going to change, but still want to maintain your friendship with him (the roomie)...and are willing to work on fixing it as long as he is willing to work on it too. Perhaps one night a week you do dinner together, movie night or your favorite show at home (whatever you did as friends before)...without your bf there. It really is important to maintain/nurture your friendships while you are in a relationship because your friends are still there when/if the relationship ends.
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Jay, that's really good advice, but I'm still back on the fact that his roomie kinda already made his motives clear. He didn't say he felt like the new boyfriend was kinda imposing on the friendship. THAT, would have been a reasonable first discussion to have... He flat out TOLD him that the only reason he agreed to room with him, was that he was eventually planning to make him his boyfriend. To me, it spells it all out. The roommate is a passive-aggressive, selfish, schemer. He may decide that if HE can't have him, nobody will and try his same passive-aggressive tactics to sabotage the relationship. Even worse, the tactics become less "passive." In his eyes, he may think that YoungLove has "betrayed" him and wants revenge for something that clearly never was.

As for moving in with the new bf, don't do that. Think of that as a LAST resort. Try to get a NEW roommate while you still have the time, but try not to be so obvious about it. Don't lie, but don't be obvious. I'm sure you have plenty of friends and family who could help you with that. You don't want to put any unnecessary strain on this new, budding relationship. Your BF seems very sweet to offer, and may or may not be offended if you decline. But if you tell him that the relationship means alot to you and you don't want to do anything to put it at risk, he'll hopefully understand. I'm trying to apply this to how he phrased it. "Baby, if you NEED this....we'll make it work somehow." Meaning, he's not exactly ready for this himself and that he knows there might be problems. Why rush it with so many unforseen problems? Better to wait a bit when the chances of problems seem smaller and you have some kind of plan.

I've had friends who have dated for YEARS, and because they feel like they've reached some "time plateau" in the relationship where they say "Well, the next step for us is to move in" and they DO it! Not cuz they're ready, not cuz it feels right, but because they feel they're on some stupid "relationship clock" and then as soon as they DO move in together, after a month, they break up! It's sad to me and I wouldn't wish that for you. You do that kind of thing when it feels right. Time shouldn't be a factor and it sucks for you because your selfish roomie is speeding up the clock...

Best of luck to you and I hope it goes well!
 
if your boyfriend suggested it then maybe it's a sign from the universe that you guys are meant to be together :) congratz.
 
Id say hold off a bit longer just to feel things out further with your boyfriend, but if things are still feeling the same come spring, go for it kiddo. Life is too short and if it feels right to both of you, jump on in.
 
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