Boyfriend Material...I need help...BADLY!

[SmallTownGayConfessions]

So I have been actively looking for a boyfriend and I am having absolutely no luck at all. I have been losing weight to try and get guys attention, but it has not worked. Do you think it could be because I am unattractive and incapable of finding someone?

I have been told I am to young to give up on it, but that is the point I am at. I have not had a boyfriend in six years, not even been on a date because no one has accepted or offered. I have not had full blown passionate sex in four years and the last time I did anything it was with a so called straight guy and all he wanted was head.

I do not know what else to do...I have tried grindr, craigslist and other dating sites and to no avail because most just ask me why I am on there because I look like a girl. I tell them it is me and they flip out. I just need some advice on what to do. I like who I am, but where I currently reside in Asheville, NC you have to be a twink or be a muscle man to get anyone to turn their head your way.

I just feel that it would be easier for me to just stop trying and just be a single cat man for the rest of my life. I have been broken down and scared from past experiences and I have tried to get back out there and nothing at all. I mean is it to hard to find a guy that will talk to me and want to be more than just friends or friends with benefits?

Can someone please help me out?

 

[aaggii]

Could you come out as clingy, like in your post? Maybe they step back if you start talking about getting a boyfriend in the first 5 minutes that you´ve met.

Searching actively for a boyfriend was always a mistery to me, why would someone do that instead of actually getting to know the person they are talking to? You should have fun, now that you´re single, meet people, start as friends and see what happens from there, because if you force a relationship with someone you barely know, it has a big chance to fail pretty badly. When you start talking with someone or invite them for a date, be chill, don´t focus too much on ´could he be the one´ and other similar stuff.

 

[eastofeden]

The best way to get a boyfriend or husband is to not look for one.

I think the best approach to life is to enjoy the moment..seize the day..and enjoy it for what it is instead of worrying about what it isn't. If you do this..you will become infinitely more attractive to other people...and more importantly.... to yourself.

...and next time you go on a diet..don't do it to "look good"...do it because you FEEL good...for yourself..no one else.

 

[heir-to-the-wind]

I agree with eastofeden.
Never give up.

 

[seioussuction69]

Just take a deep breath and relax. So you don't have a boyfriend? It's not a big deal. Lot's of single people are out there, just like you. No sex in four years? Don't worry about it, you will be just fine. If you think everyone is attached or getting laid 24/7, it's not true. Don't be one of those people that are so desperate to be in a relationship / not be alone / get laid that they will go with anyone. Just imagine if you had been in bad relationships these last 6 years? Or gone out and had sex with random guys and got a disease or abused or worse? You don't have to be twink or a muscle man to get attention. Trust me, there are guys are looking at you. Just because you don't notice it doesn't mean it doesn't happen. You said you look like a girl? Well, LOTS of guys like that! And don't waste your time looking for a boyfriend on Grindr or other sites that are just guys looking for sex. You did say that you like who you are, and that is really all that matters! You've won half the battle right there, so many people don't like themselves and hide behind a wall of vanity, drugs, alcohol, random sex with dangerous people. I once dated a really gorgeous guy who had money, a great family & a bright future. I woke up one night to find him sitting in the living room snorting heroin. I left that night. Being single is better than being in a bad situation. You will find someone sooner or later, don't worry. Don't give up on finding a guy, as long as there is life, there is hope. In the meantime, since you like yourself, concentrate on that. Take a yoga class, go to the beach, go to school for something, go hiking, climb a mountain, go skiing, go to bookstores, get a dog to take on walks (guys WILL approach you!). Whatever past experiences you've had that have left a scar, try to work past it. Maybe you need to talk to a gay therapist, that would be a huge help. Luckily you're in Asheville and not a redneck hell hole! Join a gay men's discussion group, a gay men's social group, there lot's of options. The more you feel confident and happy, you will attract the same type of guys. Remember, negativity attracts negativity. In the meantime, having sex with yourself is nothing to sneeze at. And practice makes perfect!

 

[SmallTownGayConfessions]

Well if guys look at me I do not know it. I have tried to do what you say and I get looked down upon and made to feel an inch tall because I dont fit in. I have never fit in and that has made me the person I am today. I only took to the dating sites because I felt that was the last resort to try to find something. I just dont know what to do...I am very intelligent and most guys around here dont want people smarter than them. I am a chemist and most guys run away when I say that, hell most stop talking after I show them what I look like and that has effected me horribly in the past, and I have learned that I am not the good looking guy who gets everyone, but I am in the nerd in the back corner who wants to just give the love I have to someone. Eventually someone will come over and talk to me and make me feel like a normal human being instead of being the outcast. I know life has never been good to me and I do not expect it to be, but as for now I am just going to be me and if no one wants it then that is their loss not mine. I know that anyone would be lucky to have me in their life. I know I have passionate sex and apparently I am very verbal when a man is pounding me. I know it has been awhile since I have had sex, but even my ex told me I was the best he had ever been with because I cared more for him then he realized and that sex with me was more than just sex there was something I had that the others he has been with do not have. No I am not going to get back with him because he now has a wife and child, and I am genuinely happy for him.

Hopefully, my time will come, but until then I just have to be who I am. If no one wants that then that is on them, not me. I try to be friendly to everyone even if they have been assholes to me in the past because people can change and I have faith in that. I am just going to focus on me and not anyone else for the time being. I need a man not a boy, and eventually someone will come along and let me know what true love is. I just have to remember that all these assholes that have been in the past are leading me one step closer to the right one.

 

[TX-Beau]

OK any time you are universally disliked by all gay men in your area, it's not them with the issue.

I don't even know you and I can feel the issue oozing out of your posts. STOP TRYING.

Guys want to have a good time, be a good time and guys will want to be around you. No they won't ALL want to fuck you, but from peer groups do relationships arise. Just from what you've said in here, you freaked me out. That's not a good sign.

Go work on yourself, so you can be the best you, you can be, go do things you like to do with people who like to do the things you do, go make some FRIENDS, and let the rest lie.

 

[Seasoned]

Find LGBT groups or clubs or community centers. Start making LGBT friends. Relationships are more likely to follow.

 

[Hankerin1075]

I agree with the guys above saying...Relax! Be yourself. Go out to clubs if you want. Screw around if you want. Meet people. If you stay true to yourself, someone will notice that and be attentive. Trust me. Truth and integrity is sexier than legs or abs. Be real and be honest. You owe it to yourself. You are worth it! Be nice and kind to everyone but always have a plan to fuck them.

 

[AdamRikerLiker]

Super picture with the banana. x