Boyfriend's Meditation Routine

[Alnitak]

Dear All

I have recently begun a new relationship and it is going well so far. I have been dating Ben for about a month now. We are still getting to know each other. This weekend I had plans to attend a friend's annual birthday party at a riverside beach. I am bringing Ben as a plus one. It is a casual event with volleyball, barbeque, drinks, boating, and swimming. I learned that my new boyfriend, Ben, adheres to a meditation routine that periodically involves a three day period of abstaining from sex, meat, and alcohol. This seems to occur about once a month. The meditation "retreat" happens to fall on this weekend. We will need to bring our own vegan food, not drink, or I will have a beer and he abstain, and not have sex this weekend, which is my only free time. I can see this being a source of friction going forward... but I am willing to be accommodating. I hope this is not a deal breaker. Any advice? Thanks!

Alnitak

 

[KaraBulut]

What is the reasoning for the ritual? And what prevents him from altering the schedule?

 

[Alnitak]

What is the reasoning for the ritual? And what prevents him from altering the schedule?

It seems to provide relaxation and structure to his life. Since it is a group activity the schedule is set by the group.

 

[TX-Beau]

I would think that it's a little early to start asking for compromises. How seriously does he take this? You don't have to participate, except for the sex thing it's not impacting your good time.

So the sex thing. No sex for three days once a month? How serious are you about him? Frankly I personally get annoyed when the other guy has a bunch of restrictions I'm expected to participate in, it's kinda presumptuous to do that to someone you barely know. However, it's your life and if you want to be accommodating go for it. Just remember that if it's annoying you now at one month, it's probably going to peeve the shit out of you at six.

 

[TX-Beau]

It seems to provide relaxation and structure to his life. Since it is a group activity the schedule is set by the group.

Group abstinence? Seems to me that if he's asking you to abstain for him, he can be flexible about scheduling for you.

 

[KaraBulut]

... I learned that my new boyfriend, Ben, adheres to a meditation routine that periodically involves a three day period of abstaining from sex, meat, and alcohol. This seems to occur about once a month...

What is the reasoning for the ritual? And what prevents him from altering the schedule?

It seems to provide relaxation and structure to his life. Since it is a group activity the schedule is set by the group.

Over the years, I've traveled with a lot of people. And I've seen a lot of preferences, peccadilloes and rituals.

What you're describing is a little more than a preference. This doesn't sound like, "He likes oatmeal with his breakfast" or "He wakes up at 5AM and goes for a run". This sounds far more structured and restrictive- closer to a religious ritual.

The difference is that a friend or lover who is kosher or halal might pray several times a day or not eat pork when dining out with the group, but they don't expect everyone else to keep kosher or halal, too.

Group abstinence? Seems to me that if he's asking you to abstain for him, he can be flexible about scheduling for you.

^This is where I was going, too. The question is whether he is willing to say, "Hey, let's go have fun and fuck like bunnies that weekend. I can do my fast and abstinence next weekend."

If he's not willing to change his ritual schedule, it might be better for him to stay home and do his thing while you go enjoy your weekend with friends.

You're about a month into this relationship, so it's too early to make a judgment on the overall viability of this relationship based upon one aspect of his personality. But at some point, you're going to be faced with a nagging question: "If he had to make a choice between his meditation ritual or my happiness, is he going to choose me?".

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

Would it be terrible if you two joined a sex-cult instead?

 

[jaysizzles]

I'm curious how the weekend went, or is it this coming weekend?

I am confused about his "retreat" being a group activity...does he usually meet up with the group to meditate during the 3 days, or are they all free to meditate wherever they are? Is it at a designated time? How often does he meditate and for how long? I'm assuming he was free to go to the party with you.

On a monthly basis it doesn't seem like it should be too difficult to schedule sex and drinking/eating meat around those 3 days. It may be easier for you to eat the same food as him if you're dining at home, but when dining out, I wouldn't feel obligated to order meatless or non-alcoholic just because he's with you and it's during those 3 days. I am a bit concerned about your comment that "I can see this being a source of friction going forward" though...why? That makes it sound like it's more of a bother than you made it seem in your OP. I know couples where one is a recovering alcoholic and the other isn't, and another where one is vegan and the other isn't, and they make it work on a daily basis, so 3 days of compromise per month may be worth it, if he's worth it.