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boyfriends uncle felt me up !?

D

Decoda

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Okay, so this is really fucked up, but I was at my boyfriends for dinner with his family for his mothers birthday and it was really squished up because there were lots of people the table was long and thin my boyfriend was to my left and his uncle was to my right everyone was just happily eating dinner and talking all of a sudden I felt a hand on my cock, so instinctivly I gently elbowed jack (my boyfriend) saying "Not at the table around your freaking family" But he thought it was a love nudge and put his arm around me and then I realised something was still rubbing my cock! And then I saw it was his uncle! and I freaked out scilently I didnt know what to do I was really scared and this was the first time I had met him like I hadn't spoken to him befor and he's tottaly feeling me up, I really wanted to tell my boyfriend I mean I was really uncomfotable and there's no way I would ever cheat on my boyfriend, but I felt hesitent to tell him I mean I dont wanna be the cause of his family quarrel and I know he would skitz up. And then the worst! my boyfriends mum (who is amazingly lovely) started talking to me about my studies and such and I was just freaking out and then she asked me if I was alright because I didn't look well and I said that I wasn't feeling so well so she said come into the kitchen SO I DID, But as I stood up I pushed his hand away (dont worry I wasn't erected :D) so I went into the kitchen and she gave me this weird drink and patted me on the shoulder and told me I'd feel better hahaha I love her. And then my boyfriend came in and kissed me and asked me if I was feeling okay and did I want to go lay down for a bit, AND I FELT SO DIRTY. And I just couldn't bring myself to tell him I mean I dont know what it is! Its been two nights since then, and I'm tottaly freaking out I wanna tell him but I know he'll get super angry, I mean he's even jealous of my female friends.. What should I do and how should I tell him? I dont wanna ruin his relationship with his uncle! And he'll be angry at me for waiting to tell him I mean I dont want him to think that I let his uncle do that what should I do please help me??!!? :(
 
Clearly it is still haunting you, otherwise you wouldn't still feel "dirty". Stand up for yourself. Tell your boyfriend what happened to you. You are an adult, the fact that you did not speak up at the dinner table and let him continue to fondle you, you were enabling the uncle's misbehavior. You may not be the uncle's first victim.

If the relationship between your boyfriend and his uncle is ruined because of this incident, so be it. It is not your fault. It is his uncle's fault for showing disrespect for your boyfriend by groping you inappropriately in the first place. He knew better not to touch you like that. I think he has done this to other people before.
 
His Uncle not only violated you but disrespected his nephew.


You need to read that pervert his rights and show him his seat.
 
I would be sorely tempted to just tell the cops.

His uncle was counting on all those feelings you had to keep you quiet so he could continue his violation of you. You need someone to vent them with, and your BF is the obvious one, not just because he's your BF and you're his, but because HE NEEDS TO KNOW ABOUT HIS UNCLE.

After that, the two of you together decide what to do next. I'd recommend telling his parents next -- they need to know just what they've had in their house.

The fallout is not your problem. You were violated, and it's not just a right but a responsibility to "out" the violator so he doesn't do it to anyone else. And believe me: as long as he thinks he's gotten away with it, he find other victims.
 
The guy needs to be called out. Perpetrators chose victims carefully to help insure silence. I'd almost be tempted to let it happen again just to be prepared to be ready with a fork to stab the son of a bitch. If he's not ready to get help on his own he needs to be hurled in that direction. I wonder if he's abused your boyfriend.
 
I feel for you, and I think you need to talk with a close friend or confident about this before you talk with your boyfriend. Your are going to need the emotional support if things don't go well. I also think you need to tell your boyfriend what happened simply because it may happen again. You also your boyfriend will have to understand that 1) you are the victim, 2) you did not want to be felt up by his uncle, and most importantly 3) you and only you will decide when, if, and how you confront this uncle about his behavior.
 
Oh my gosh and didn't even think of that? what if he has touched my boyfrien? I'm gonna kill the fucker

- - - Updated - - -

Okay thank you alot thats probs the best way to go about it. Thank you! :) x
 
No one has the right to touch you without your permission. I would have stopped it at the table because he deserved to be exposed for who and what he is. It's too late for that now, but definitely tell you bf. This is not the uncles first time doing this kind of thing, of this you may be sure.
 
If you don't do something now, what will happen next ? And who will he/has he touched b4. This guy needs to be called out and it has to stop. You have the only power to do this. Just like he had the power over you to do this to you, you now have the power to make it stop and put him in his place. And by all means you must tell you bf, or this will take over you mind and things may become issues between you and ur bf. Your bf is there to love you and protect you and support you, just as you are for him.....put a stop to this now. And in the end you will feel so much better and stronger. His uncle really crossed the line big time, he is probably a perv/pedo in secret...
 
I'm with everyone else on here. You really need to tell your boyfriend. It's a good thing they noticed how uncomfortable you were feeling at the table - I definitely think it'll help him believe you. There's no reason you'd make something like that up anyway!

As for the uncle, you did miss your chance to defend yourself, but don't feel too badly about it - you were totally caught off-guard. If ANYONE ever does something like that to you again, speak up. I know you didn't want to disrupt the dinner...but he was WAY out-of-line. I would have taken my hand and moved his and clearly said "stop it", and then probably asked him what the hell his problem was later, away from the table.
 
Seasoned said:
The guy needs to be called out. Perpetrators chose victims carefully to help insure silence. I'd almost be tempted to let it happen again just to be prepared to be ready with a fork to stab the son of a bitch. If he's not ready to get help on his own he needs to be hurled in that direction. I wonder if he's abused your boyfriend.
Click to expand...

Insightful!

sixthson said:
No one has the right to touch you without your permission. I would have stopped it at the table because he deserved to be exposed for who and what he is. It's too late for that now, but definitely tell you bf. This is not the uncles first time doing this kind of thing, of this you may be sure.
Click to expand...

If it happens again, a most effective response would be to stand up immediately and shriek, "If you like to play with penises, play with your own!"
 
A similiar thing happened to one of my friends - she, just like the OP was attending his family dinner - when her bf's uncle/male relative/in-law (not sure what he was anymore) kept puting his hand on her inner thigh. At first she moved his hand away, not wanting to cause a scene. Then he did again and she, discretely, told him to knock it off then he did it a third time. At this point she was really pissed so she placed her hand on his, took one of his fingers, and snapped suddenly it all the way back. In effect she broke the man's finger.

Of course there was some drama and the majority of her BF's relatives think that she is a drama queen (she even had a a massive rough patch with the guy) but she never felt better about herself.
 
This is predatory behaviour and your reaction is what this type of person relies on,well surprise, surprise BFs uncle, your moment in the lime light has arrived.
When you think back on it you may realise that the seating arrangements etc were all manipulated by him.
Get your BF at a good moment but don't let this person off the hook, I would think he has a history.
Keep us posted, good luck !
 
Thrasher12 said:
A similiar thing happened to one of my friends - she, just like the OP was attending his family dinner - when her bf's uncle/male relative/in-law (not sure what he was anymore) kept puting his hand on her inner thigh. At first she moved his hand away, not wanting to cause a scene. Then he did again and she, discretely, told him to knock it off then he did it a third time. At this point she was really pissed so she placed her hand on his, took one of his fingers, and snapped suddenly it all the way back. In effect she broke the man's finger.

Of course there was some drama and the majority of her BF's relatives think that she is a drama queen (she even had a a massive rough patch with the guy) but she never felt better about herself.
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Drama or not, that was an effective response: she not only ended the behavior, but pretty much ensured it's not going to happen again.

Though anyone who hollers "Drama queen!" at someone's response to being violated in that fashion needs to grow up.
 
you rather be honest with your boyfriend.....

who knows his uncle maybe a member here...
 
You need to tell him. This is not an incident that would cause jealousy. If someone beat you up on the street, do you think he would be jealous? Of course not and this is no different.

How many people were too scared to say anything about Sandusky for all those years? Everyone thought it would go away or be over, but it wasn't.
 
hi Decoda,

I feel very sorry that this has happened to you, and I can imagine very well that you felt horrible and dirty. Some people are so blunt that they are able to react immediately, but alot of them (maybe even also me) might have reacted the same way like you. So being confused, no idea what to do, but feeling very very incomfortable.

I tend to think that the mother of your boyfriend likes you very much (same like she likes her son), and likely she is very happy that her son has found such a nice boyfriend (= you).

So you might think about arranging a meeting together with your boyfriend and his mom to discuss with both of them what happened with you, and what to do next. What's the relation between this uncle and the mother of your boyfriend? Her brother, her brother in law, is he married, what's his age, or is he a relative (brother, brother in law, etc.) of the dad of your boyfriend, or something else?

Others over here have already given you alot of good advice.

Take care & good luck & best wishes.

Its very good that you have made this posting!
 
Ganoderma said:
hi Decoda,

I tend to think that the mother of your boyfriend likes you very much (same like she likes her son), and likely she is very happy that her son has found such a nice boyfriend (= you).

So you might think about arranging a meeting together with your boyfriend and his mom to discuss with both of them what happened with you, and what to do next. What's the relation between this uncle and the mother of your boyfriend? Her brother, her brother in law, is he married, what's his age, or is he a relative (brother, brother in law, etc.) of the dad of your boyfriend, or something else?
Click to expand...

A meeting with both of them is a very good idea. There's an outside chance that if you tell your BF alone, he could take it as an accusation (yes, we humans can be that irrational). If you tell him and his mom at the same time, it's plainly no accusation, but an appeal for help to the family.

I really like that -- wish I'd thought of it.
 
your bf and his family need to know about this. His uncle violated you. He and his mom have to know about it now.
 
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