Breaking up... with your therapist.

[treanir]

Okay, so I've been seeing a therapist for the past six weeks. We were supposed to have five sessions, then evaluate how it's going. Tomorrow is session number five... and I really don't see any form of improvement. Not that I expected any. After all, it's only been five sessions. What I was expecting was some form of outlook, some hint that it's going somewhere. But I don't even have that. It's not doing anything for me and I doubt it ever will. Lastly, I don't know if there should be one, but I don't feel a click on any level.

I feel like I've stood still these past months, lying to people that it's going btter and that the therapy is helping. But really I feel like Im stagnant, that there is no improvement.

I should stop. I guess what I want to know is this: am I having unnecessary doubts? How do you know it isn't working out? Should I keep going?

 

[Corny]

I have no clue about such things, but since this stood out:

It's not doing anything for me and I doubt it ever will. Lastly, I don't know if there should be one, but I don't feel a click on any level.

If you don't believe it "ever will" help - I guess it won't. As far as I know your cooperation and believe that someone at least can help you is crucial.
If you do think it is worth another try .. try another therapist. If you don't click - you don't really like him, feel comfortable with him, don't feel like you are in good hands. Another thing that I would consider to be crucial.

 

[treanir]

If you don't believe it "ever will" help - I guess it won't

There was something else in that post, which I deleted after some thought. It came right after "But really I feel like Im stagnant, that there is no improvement.": "I'm afraid that perhaps I'm permanently broken". So believing it will ever help? I don't know. I really don't.

If you don't click - you don't really like him, feel comfortable with him, don't feel like you are in good hands. Another thing that I would consider to be crucial.

I feel safe to a good degree, but I don't know about the rest. Thing is: I don't know how that 'click' feels. As far as I know it could well be that this is pretty much it. In that case I'm throwing away a good start. I just don't know.

Oh, I'm going well tonight...

 

[Seasoned]

Two things should happen during the initial therapy sessions. The therapist should ask what you expect from therapy and also ask how will you know when you've been helped.

There are all kinds of therapeutic techniques. My least favorite is a rehash of what happened since the last session.

Start with the fact that you want therapy to be goal oriented and you'd like help defining those goals. If this therapist can't seem to do that get a referral to another. Good luck. BTW, it's not called breaking up. It's called termination of service.

 

[treanir]

Two things should happen during the initial therapy sessions. The therapist should ask what you expect from therapy and also ask how will you know when you've been helped.

That didn't happen. We pretty much put my life story on paper together.

(oh, and I know it's not called breaking up - just prefer calling it that )

 

[sid6p8]

I've dealt with three different therapists so far. Only did a therapy with more than 5 sessions with one of them, though, but that was due to time constraints on my part. The therapy I did was based on analyzing and evaluating my past and present. So writing down your past isn't so bad. Depending on the type of therapy your therapist "simply" tries to understand you. And your past is a big part of that.
My therapy sessions didn't help immediately, but they were exhausting. I always felt out of place right after the session. Not in a bad way, just being preoccupied; a bit out of tune with the world.

I think there are at least two important aspects. First, do you "click"? Can you talk to your therapist, do you feel respected and do you think he/she takes you seriously? If you have doubts, quit. And second, does it do anything? I don't think a good therapy needs to show immediate results, but at least you should feel the sessions do something with/for/to you. If not, same as before, quit.

Worst thing you can probably do is force yourself through a bad therapy. Not only would it be a wast of time, but it's also likely to keep you from trying again.

From what you wrote so far, I'd say go look for a different therapist.

Cheers

 

[Telstra]

what was the therapy about?

 

[Corny]

^ how would that be relevant to your answer?

 

[Telstra]

^ how would that be relevant to your answer?

never been with a therapy so would like to know what was the therapy about.
I don't expect a reply if he don't want to response.

 

[QuinnRider]

Part of the success of therapy is the outlook a patient usually has when entering therapy. This usually grows. Maybe try and find another Therapist if you two don't clcik, but if you have only a negative outlook, you won't have any success in therapy.

 

[KaraBulut]

Not all therapy is ths same and different therapists have different approaches.

For the most part, it's up to you to define what your goals are in therapy but the therapist should ask you this early in the course of therapy. For example, if you're seeing a therapist for an anxiety order- that's a pretty easy objective to identify. But if you're seeing a therapist for a more obscure reason like, "I feel unhappy", then it's a lot tougher to come up with a clear objective.

Finding a therapist is like finding a boyfriend- there's a lot of compatibility questions that have to be answered. Some people like a therapist who just listens and nods their head. Some people like a therapist who is confrontive and very interactive. Some people like a therapist who is somewhere in the middle and who focuses more on helping them collect their thoughts and find their own answers.

But if- after 5 sessions- you don't feel like it's going anywhere then you have the same talk you would have with someone you're dating that you're not sure you want to keep seeing.

 

[SteveyBoyLA]

Not all therapy is ths same and different therapists have different approaches.

For the most part, it's up to you to define what your goals are in therapy but the therapist should ask you this early in the course of therapy. For example, if you're seeing a therapist for an anxiety order- that's a pretty easy objective to identify. But if you're seeing a therapist for a more obscure reason like, "I feel unhappy", then it's a lot tougher to come up with a clear objective.

Finding a therapist is like finding a boyfriend- there's a lot of compatibility questions that have to be answered. Some people like a therapist who just listens and nods their head. Some people like a therapist who is confrontive and very interactive. Some people like a therapist who is somewhere in the middle and who focuses more on helping them collect their thoughts and find their own answers.

But if- after 5 sessions- you don't feel like it's going anywhere then you have the same talk you would have with someone you're dating that you're not sure you want to keep seeing.

Having gone through 3 different therapists, I think KaraBulut's counsel is very good, particularly those bolded. First of all, congratulations on seeking help. Many are too proud, embarrassed or aren't ready to ask others for help, so good for you! I had to go through several therapists because I too did not 'click', primarily because I was not completely comfortable (for whatever reason) being totally honest. This was a complete disaster and waste of time.

Based on my experience w/ therapists, don't feel any angst about terminating his/her services - your call with no apologies. Further, don't be shy about 'interviewing' or shopping for a therapist during the initial visit to discuss your problem, your goals, and by all means discuss the type of therapy (psychoanalytic, behavioral, cognitive, etc.) that best suites you.

 

[maxpowr9]

I'm willing to admit that I have been to therapy before, while in high school. As cliche as it sounds, the whole gay-depression thing. The burden of being in a Catholic High School didn't help either. Spent most of the sessions talking about my dad and his homophobia. The only two things I got out of it was the fact that...

1. You can't change people, only yourself.
2. You're stuck with your blood family; so either love them or ignore them.

When you combine those two things with what I stated above, you come to realize that you are going therapy to basically bitch about someone that you have no control over. No reason to pay someone to complain about things we cannot change. This is my personal experience with therapy.

However, I should say if you ever find yourself lying to a therapist, I would strongly suggest finding a new one. They can't help you get better if you are not honest with yourself. Reckon I don't know anything about your situation but if the relationship ever reaches the "check-in" stage (meet less than once a week), I would stop going altogether.

 

[evanrick]

I think this is pretty common with therapists, I mean its not an exact science or anything. I think if your going to a therapist for something, usually what your going for is a symptom of your problem, not the cause.
Finding the "cause" is not as easy. I went to 4 therapy sessions earlier this year - and found out that I had already done all the things the therapist suggested.
There was some value in going, since i found it more therapeutic talking about common "bad" experiences with the therapist than getting advice like learning how to breath, etc.

A good therapist will...

Not be emotionally drained themselves. there is such a thing as compassion fatigue, so newer therapists are often better than ones who have been doing it a long time.

Be able to relate to your problem in some way. Meaning, if your having marriage problem and your therapist has been though 4 divorces, then maybe not such a good fit.

hope this help.

 

[treanir]

Thanks for your replies all. I'm off to session number 5 in a few minutes. I'll post a quick update when I'm back.

 

[treanir]

Okay, well, apparently we weren't supposed to evaluate for a few more weeks, but I said that I did feel the need to. Only managed to do that near the end, so we're going to do that next week.

Before that, I want to put on paper what I want to say and what I expected and still expect. It'll help me to collect my thoughts.

 

[Corny]

^ that sounds like a good idea