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Breaking up

Titanic

Titanic

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I'm probably going to be breaking up with my boyfriend tonight, and I'm wondering what the least painful method of doing so would be.

My plan is to send him an e-mail explaining my feelings, wait for a few days with no contact so he can mull it over, and see what he says afterwards. If nothing has changed by then, I'll have to regretfully bring things to an end.
 
justusbrent said:
The least painful method for who?

Please tell him in person.
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For him, I don't really mind how it goes for me.

It's long distance, so I can't say it to his face, and he's busy for the next few days so I can't phone him. It would have to be either text or e-mail I think, unless I wait another three days or so.
 
Wait.

Do it in person.

Anything less is disrespectful to him and to the relationship.
 
sleepswithbutterflies said:
seems like waiting wouldn't be that traumatic if your not gonna be interacting with him in the next 3-4 days anyways.... i guess the anxiety of not getting it done asap & moving on might be bothersome, but having some respect for whatever "good" things were shared in a relationship would far out weight that for me. wish u luck. (*8*)
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Thanks buddy. (*8*)

The main reason I didn't want to wait any longer is that his contact is very rare and very short, which I can't handle in a long distance relationship. That's why we'll probably be breaking up.
 
Aye, tell him in person. No one likes a person who can't do unpleasant business face-to-face. He'll disrespect you, and you'll disrespect yourself later for not having the guts to tell him how you feel in front of him.

Try to focus on how you feel, and talk about how things affect you. Don't finger point, don't be a blamer. This is about how things aren't working out for you personally.

And good luck.
 
You say things like "probably" and "may" when explaining yourself. You seem to want him to make changes that he can't or won't make. Don't break up if you really want to present an ultimatum. Give him the ultimatum and see what happens. Understand that the break up is not the end of the relationship. It doesn't end until you let it go in your heart and mind.
 
soreknees said:
You say things like "probably" and "may" when explaining yourself. You seem to want him to make changes that he can't or won't make. Don't break up if you really want to present an ultimatum. Give him the ultimatum and see what happens. Understand that the break up is not the end of the relationship. It doesn't end until you let it go in your heart and mind.
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Well, I think it's that I have conditions that he probably won't be able to fulfil, so I'm assuming that we simply won't be compatible. I still really care about him though, so I'm hoping that somehow he'll turn the relationship around, but I doubt it.
 
Then I'd go ahead and break up. Keep everything on you, though. "I'm really looking for someone who I could be with a lot more, and I really need a lot more closeness than I have now."

Lex
 
G-Lexington said:
Then I'd go ahead and break up. Keep everything on you, though. "I'm really looking for someone who I could be with a lot more, and I really need a lot more closeness than I have now."

Lex
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Out of interest, why do you say to keep everything on me? I'm not too happy about breaking up, and that sounds very much like it would imply that this is what I want.
 
Titanic said:
Out of interest, why do you say to keep everything on me? I'm not too happy about breaking up, and that sounds very much like it would imply that this is what I want.
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Well, if you were breaking up with him because he was abusive or a cheater... then it would make sense to tell him that was the reason (which in fact it was).

There's nothing to be served by saying, "It's your fault because I never see you". Better just to say, "I need something and I'm not getting it. It's about me."

Breakups are difficult but if you want to preserve a friendship, don't hurt the person on their way out the door (unless they deserve it).
 
Exactly. You are having problems having a long distance relationship. It is how you feel, and its your life being affected. Although he's a part of this relationship, it is boiling down to your personal comfort levels with how things are. He can't help that he lives/works so far away. It is you having a problem and making the decision, for yourself, to move on.
 
In addition, if you say/hint/suggest at the fact that it might be something THEY'RE doing, you leave the door open to them attempting to keep it going. If it's all about you, that disappears.

Lex
 
Ok well thanks for the advice guys, I guess I'll just have to wait things out and give him a call when I can. I'm still hoping that some good grace will keep the relationship alive - he's a nice man so there's a chance that we'll work things out. Thanks again all. ..|
 
you didn't really explain what you wanted different. If he changed what you wanted would you stay with him? you should have a talk with him and if he's unwilling to work with you, then yes, break up with him. And tell him that's why.
 
G-Lexington said:
In addition, if you say/hint/suggest at the fact that it might be something THEY'RE doing, you leave the door open to them attempting to keep it going. If it's all about you, that disappears.

Lex
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Exactly. I've had several people cling to me when I wanted to break up. "Oh, I'll change." Yeah, whatever.

If you're not getting what you need now, you'll never get it.

Lots of good advice in this thread. I'm glad you're listening. Take care.
 
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