Broke up, then got back together...

[confusedguy89]

So a week or so ago, my boyfriend and I were drinking, we talked about a topic that made him snap. He said a lot of hurtful things, saying that the relationship was a waste, etc (we've been together over a year, almost 2). He left and said we were over. The next day he apologized and said he only said the things because he was drinking and things came out the wrong way. We got back together, but I still feel that we broke up. I don't feel that flame as much as before and I can't get the words he said that night out of my head. Is this a normal feeling after getting back together, or not. Thanks!

 

[HunterM]

Why do YOU want to get back with him? Just because he wants to get back with you does not mean you have to take him back? What future do you see for both of you staying in this relationship?

The ball is in your court. You have the power to change your life for the better.

 

[Seasoned]

Is this the first time drinking has affected your relationship?

 

[Ninja108]

drinking doesn't make you say bad things..it only brings out a person's true nature. Think carefully before jumping back in. Also,what's he like when he isn't drinking?

 

[altlover85]

I wouldn't take him back until you both have a long, sober talk where he could discuss why he said what he said and you could talk about how it made you feel.

 

[LatinCoffee]

Communication is key. Talk to him & find out what's up! You just don't drink and use the word 'relationship' and 'waste' in the same sentence & expect everything to be nice & rosy when you get back. Ain't nobody got time for that!! LOL!

 

[palbert]

Why want someone with those repressed feelings back. Take him back and you'll always doubt him - at least I would. This is one of those proceed at your own risk situations.

 

[bankside]

I assume he feels terrible having treated you that way because of alcohol. If I treated someone I cared about that way because of alcohol, I would be so embarrassed I would pour anything in the house down the drain and not drink it again for years, if ever. I'm sure he feels the same way, right?

 

[Brian Smith]

You had a fight, and you behaved like children. Alcohol had something to do with it. You're back together now, and you are both presumably willing to start behaving like sober adults. I suggest doing so. As sober adults, you can figure out, between the two of you, which direction you want both your lives to go in from here.

My partner and I have had one occasion where he telling me to pack my bags. We worked it out, and we've been together for more than two years since. I also consider that to be the point in our relationship where we started being serious about it and actually behaving like a committed couple. It was the point where both of us realized we were far enough in that we couldn't turn back if we wanted to.

It's not for everybody, but matrimony does have its rewards. It's something I would want to think about sober, either way. If you are going to stay together, a time has got to come when he stops being your date and the two of you start being each other's family.

The thing about family, though, is that you don't have as much illusions about them. You start seeing them as people rather than some ideal. Yeah, it's not as "magical," but it's more authentic. Some of us in this world actually prefer that. Turning down the rose tint gives us a better look at the person we have made up our minds to learn to love.

On the other hand, I am also perfectly accepting toward those who prefer the dating scene. Either way of living is valid. It's a very personal choice, and I even question the extent to which it is a choice at all. I think there are some things in life that you are just "called to."