Building A New Life Family and Kids

[G-Lexington]

I'd leave this up to the children's father.

Lex

 

[pausanias_usa]

Hmm. They seem a bit young to handle the information; if both mother and father are good parents, they would both wait. But yes, if mom is going to use it against the dad, then dad should certainly be the first to tell them. I'd say to have a heart-to-heart with the mom first (while the kids are with the godfather, who is keeping the mom away until dad returns to tell them).

If mom agrees to wait to tell them, then let things develop as they fall: the kids will ask when they become aware of the relationship.

 

[backpacker]

I would wait until you two are sure about the relationship between the two of you. In general, I think the earlier you tell kids, the better. I think he should be the one to tell them.

 

[Eagle653]

All things being equal, they can handle it at that age, with a couple of big IF's.

First, it would be best if you and Mark did not attempt to handle this yourselves (in all due respects). When I've seen this done most gracefully and successfully, the couple has enlisted the help of a child therapist or child psychiatrists. They can not only give you pointers on what to say, how to say it, and when, they can also be a temporary go-to person for the child if the child is confused or has questions. Put yourself in the child's place--they can't go to you two for "objective venting" and they can't go to their mother because she's hardly objective either. They need a neutral zone and this therapist can be that person until the dust settles.

Second, you yourself--stay natural and stay supportive, but let Mark handle his kids as their father. They'll all respect you for giving them space and allowing this important conversation and initial reaction to happen with their father alone.

Third, act naturally and lovingly toward all of them. The child therapist can give you pointers as to how to ease yourself into their familiar system.

Fourth, I hope you do start laying plans to clue the kids in, especially if your fears with respect to their mother pan out. She could do a lot of damage quickly by poisoning the well. All this can be avoided by some proactive planning and acting on your and Mark's part.

Good luck, and best wishes to your new blended family!

 

[rareboy]

Absolutely what Average Guy says....particularly if there is any chance that the parents will behave like they are 6 years old and the information might be used to hurt one another instead of for the benefit of the children.

There is no reason that you can't be seen to be close and loving by the kids, but I think that the mother has to be told that this is acceptable by a professional and that it is not going to corrupt the kids or turn them gay, if she has any fears about this.

Remember....Children's best interests first.

 

[okstatecowboy]

Leave it up to him -and the kids. Children are smarter than we give them credit for. They'll quickly figure things out and ask the right questions at the most embarassing times. If, and when, they start asking tell the truth, but leave out all the "icky" stuff.

mikey

 

[Inwood]

My partner told his son that he is gay when he was 8 years old. After both his father and mother sat him down and calmly explained that mommy likes boys and daddy likes boys and its ok, he took it in stride. They asked him if he had any questions and he said, "yeah, why is the sky blue?"

Kids at a young age can assimilate the info much easier than waiting until they are older. Especially teenagers.

First he needs to tell his wife. Let her get over the news, then tell the kids.