Tuesday, December 06, 2005
The first cut is the deepest...
Current mood: distressed
Category: Blogging
...and the hardest to resist.
Something happened earlier today -something a member of my fucked up,so called, " family" said about me- it upset me so much I really felt like cutting myself .
My niece Nicola said don't cry over them, they are not worth it.
But the more I tried not to let it upset me the more it did.
It can be very hard to resist the urge to cut but so far I have managed not to...
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Self Harm - some info @ bbc.co.uk
Current mood: depressed
Category: Blogging
Self-harm
People with a history of self-harm deliberately inflict injury upon themselves, for example, by cutting or burning themselves or taking an overdose.
Experts say the problem is more common than most people think and is linked to feelings of low self-esteem. Many people may hurt themselves secretly for some time before they ask for help, often because of fear and shame.
What is self-harm?
Contrary to popular myth, people who harm themselves are not trying to commit suicide. They use self-harm as a way of coping with difficult emotions.
Instead of expressing their feelings openly, they take them out on their bodies by cutting or burning themselves, picking their skin, taking an overdose, bruising themselves or pulling their hair out.
But the term can also refer to not looking after physical or emotional needs. It can mean staying in an abusive relationship, taking a lot of risks or addictive behaviour.
Experts say a person who harms themselves only slightly may be just as seriously ill as one who takes an overdose.
Triggers for self-harm can include bullying, bereavement, pressure at work, abuse, financial problems, pressure to fit in and relationship problems.
When these pressures pile up, people can find it difficult to cope. Some say that they feel things are out of control.
One sufferer said: "I think control's a big thing. You can't control what's happening around you, but you can control what you do to yourself."
How many people self-harm?
The Mental Health Foundation estimates around one in 130 people, nearly half a million across the UK, self-harm.
It is often linked to feelings of self-hatred and depression and appears more common in women than men.
Experts suggest this may be because men find it easier to express emotions like anger in an outward way or take it out on others.
Why do people self-harm?
People who ham themselves have often experienced sexual, physical or emotional abuse as a child or young adult (although not all people who have been abused self-harm).
Neglect or bullying, which they were unable to talk to anyone about at the time, can also be a trigger.
This can mean anger at their situation is turned inwards. Self harm can become a way of expressing their feelings.
Some people find it is a way of "getting the pain out". Others may see it as a distraction or a way of communicating feelings.
But other self-harmers see it as way of punishing themselves, or of attempting to gain some control over a situation.
Some find it difficult to give up the behaviour despite realising that it could be life-threatening and is not rational.
Treatment
Experts say it is easier to stop self-harming if they can find other ways of dealing with stress.
They advise that people seek help to confront the reasons behind their behaviour.
They may be offered cognitive behavioural therapy, a form of psychotherapy, which involves looking at what triggers the self-harm and trying to change how people react to them.
For friends and family who notice a person is harming themselves, YoungMinds, a charity for children with mental health problems, recommends listening and supporting the person to get help.
It says people should try to keep an open mind and not judge the person and take them seriously.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/medical_notes/4067129.stm
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
I've had a bad day
Current mood: stressed
Category: Blogging
I hardly slept again last night.
I had forgot to wash up from the night before so I had to do that before I could have any breakfast.
Then when I was cooking breakfast the bloody smoke alarm went off again!
I couldn't stop it so had to pull it off the ceiling.
At the same time I was doing all that my Grandmother woke up and I had to get her dressed and make her breakfast in between everything else.
On Wednesday she goes to the day hospital - they usually pick her up any time after 8:30am.
I also had a load of laundry to do, as well as going shopping.
I still had the urge to cut myself and even picked up a knife at one point - but I managed not to do it.
When my grandmother came home I had to make her tea. then cook my tea, do another load of washing up, put all the laundry on the clothes dryer etc. etc.
And to top off a bad day, my curtain pole in my bedroom just fell down for no apparent reason.
I can't repair it so I'll have to buy another one in the morning.
I had to use drawing pins to pin my curtain over the window so the people in the flats opposite cannot see me naked! hehe
This may not be very interesting to read but it's my blog
& it helps me get it off my chest.
