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Came out to my mom! plus tiny problem...

R

rilley

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Okay first time poster. So I got off work tonight and saw that a valentine's day card was on my car I read it and it is from one of the girls that I work with. It basically says that she has had a crush on me and wants to pursue me, this isn't the first time this is happened but it is the first time I talked to my mother about it. My mom was saying that this girl seems to really like me and that I should give her a chance and I told my mom I was not interested. She asked me if she was ugly and I told her honestly that she is actually a very attractive girl but I still was not interested. So my mom started asking why and she came right out and asked if I was gay so after a pause of a few seconds I just came out with it and said yes. She looked at me and said its fine and perfectly normal she asked me if i was not attracted to girls at all and if I was sure that I was attracted to guys so I told her I was sure and she then told me she loved me. The only thing she was upset about was that I waited so long to tell her but she was totaly cool with it. So far she is the only person I've told so I guess it is a start but I still have a long ways to go. :D Which brings me to my little problem.... what the hell do I say to this girl I work with I also want to mention I also have some college classes with her so I am still gonna have to see her a lot and genuinely I do value our friendship so how do I tell her that I dont want a relationship with her and still maintain the friendship? I don't know how I end up in these little situations I never flirt with these girls yet i still get pursued. Anyways any suggestions would be great.:help:
 
Congratulations in having such a brilliant Mom. :D

I can't help you with your questions... But I think your Mom might be able to.


Anyway welcome to Jub.... You too rilley's Mom. :D.
 
just tell the girl you are gay..... most people find telling their parents the hard part and you've done that.
 
what the hell do I say to this girl I work with I also want to mention I also have some college classes with her so I am still gonna have to see her a lot and genuinely I do value our friendship so how do I tell her that I dont want a relationship with her and still maintain the friendship? I don't know how I end up in these little situations I never flirt with these girls yet i still get pursued. Anyways any suggestions would be great.
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Yup. Tell the girl. To her face, please. Maybe go out and grab a coffee with her or something and tell her how much you value her friendship.

And promise to look out for the right guy for her.
 
The shortest distance between two points is a straight line.

Tell her you're gay. You won't get any more Valentine's Day cards after that.

Since she works with you, if you're not ready to be out at work then just say "I'm kinda seeing someone".

Thank her for the card- that was sweet.

Kiss your Mom- you're lucky to have each other.
 
YAY!! Awesome another great parent!!! Ummm as for the girl, just tell her your gay. she might be disappointed, but then it might strengthen your relationship. I know i've done that already and it worked, lol
 
She likes you. Be friendly and in a funny way say "Thank you for the Valentine! But I think we have a little too much in commom, I like guys too! I think we can be great friends".
 
Yeah, just tell her you're gay... remember, most of us have the hardest time telling our families that we are gay. The fact that you were able to tell your mom and that she reacted so positively is great, and at least you'll know that she is always there if you need help.

I would think that telling the rest of the world (or just those that matter to you) won't be nearly as hard with your mother knowing.

Good luck!
 
I say tell her ONLY if you don't mind being outed at work.

She might tell people or not, but if you tell her, there's no way to prevent her from outing you, even if she promises not to.

If you don't want to take that risk, be honest by saying you're flattered, but yout not interested in a relationship with her. You don't have to explain why that's so.
 
tell her you are both after the same thing.....Big, hairy, pre-coming, veiny, dick.
 
Women are often attracted to gay men because they have the opportunity to get to know them first whereas with straight men the subtext of the men trying to get the girl's panties off always destroys the possibility of a relationship based on respect and common interests developing.

Once-upon-a-time Valentine cards were anonymous - which made it more exciting and romantic. Now it's just like leap year, or Sadie Hawkins Day.

If she's written you a card and signed it then it's appropriate that you respond to the card, but it doesn't mean that you have to respond in kind to the sentiment expressed. I don't think you owe her an explanation other than to say that circumstances prevent your relationship going any further than friendship.

If necessary, start wearing a ring on your wedding finger.
 
Just wanted to post a little update. As far as that girl goes she is cool with just being friends, I did not tell her why just that i did not want to get involved with anyone. My mom is still being very supportive with me coming out and she even told my dad for me and he also took it very well telling me he will love me no matter what so ya I'm out to my parents now just need to work on telling everybody else now:D
 
Awesome parents you have! :)

Very cool!

Congratulations rilley! I am so happy for you

All the best- luca
 
Why would you do anything but tell her the truth? All the ways around it are obviously lies. You don't have to flirt w/ girls for them to like you. I was pursued pretty crazily in high school by the girls.
 
Sometimes ; the TRUTH will set you free .... or Just talk with this girl and let her know that you are NOT interested in a relationship of ANY kind right now ... You don't have to mention that you are gay ..
 
answer to your problem is : Very possible.

As long as you tell her now, in a very nice way, she will understand. Maybe she had her hopes up really high and will fall hard on her butts and will ignore you for a while but... when she will learn to stand up again after the fall. Then she'll understand your need and why you must do what you will do.

If you wait too long, she'll climb higher and when she falls then...dude, its going to hurt bad. Shattered.
 
I think you handled it correctly. If you didn't ask for the advance or lead her on the ball was out of bounds. I just know women can be very vindictive when they feel they have been snubbed for whatever reason.
 
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