Came Out To My Parents Finally!

[BrownBoi89]

Hey everyone!

Some of you may know me if you visit Hot Topics, because I tend to post there more than other threads, but most of you probably don't. Anyways about 4 days ago I came out to my parents finally! And it went well for the most part! They're fine with me being gay and all, but they were shocked and they are a little worried about my safety and how others will treat me. My mom was so shocked that she kept asking me if I was sure and I was actually bi, but I told her "If I wasn't sure I wouldn't have come out. I made sure I knew who I was before telling you." Even though they're fine with it, we have decided that as a family we will see a therapist to help them deal with the shocking news, adjust to this change in their life, and maybe help devise a way to tell our extended family. So excited that I finally came out to them that I thought I'd share this with you! Just gotta come out to a lot of my friends and my extended fam, and then Facebook! lol! Anyways I guess I will use this thread to update you guys on how the coming out process is going in case any of you are interested. Thank you JUB for helping me come out of the closet! Or at least take a step out!

 

[rareboy]

Congratulations!

Your parents sound great.

Now you can get on with your life as an out and proud guy!

 

[Seasoned]

I'm happy for you, but sad to see the words, "shocking news." As a parent I can express that I received shocking news just once, hearing that my daughter attempted suicide. Why it never occurs to some parents that there is a one out of ten chance that their child might be gay is the real shock.

It seems as though your parents may need therapy, but to make your homosexuality a family shame issue doesn't seem to be to bode well for you. Whether or not they fully come to terms with it, I hope you'll arrive at the conclusion that being gay is a gift. You have a perspective and insight that is not universal to humankind. You also have a spiritual connection to another sub-group, in addition to all other sub-groups to which you belong.

I don't wish to take away from any joy you feel at coming out. I wish to point out the pitfall of accepting that you are flawed and have brought upon your parents an emotional burden. With all relationships there is from time to time what I call the greater need principle, where one of the parties needs more time and attention. Right now it is you with the greater need. If this flips to you taking care of their emotional needs as related to your coming out you run the risk of negative self-talk.

I hope I have misunderstood your statement and that all is positive in your home at this wonderful self-disclosure to your parents. I want you to stay positive with your head up. I'm hard on parents. I know it's a relief when we are accepted for who we are, but, really! Parents doing what they are suppose to do won't get medals from me just because there are other parents who disown their gay children. The real parental heroes are the PFLAG parents who work towards universal gay rights and acceptance.

Again, please don't take this post as an attack. I'm happy for you and glad your parents expressed their love for you. I sensed a tinge of negativity and focused on that in the belief that anyone else in a coming out situation may read your post and feel flawed when approaching their parents.

 

[backpacker]

Congratulations!!! I'm so glad that things went well with your parents. Your parents may need a little time to fully accept it. I'm glad you were strong and didn't waiver on being gay. When gay guys say they are bi just to soften the blow, it often leads to more issues with the parents pushing the guy to find the right girl.

 

[rareboy]

It seems as though your parents may need therapy, but to make your homosexuality a family shame issue doesn't seem to be to bode well for you.

Wow. I didn't get this message at all. I see the family as getting counselling as a likely positive thing because it is geared to them coming to terms with bb's sexuality. And for a lot of parents, it is shocking news.

 

[PokerFace]

Congratulations . I'll look forward to hearing how u get on, im not out yet so i might learn a thing or two lol. Good luck.

 

[unloadonme]

...... we have decided that as a family we will see a therapist to help them deal with the shocking news, adjust to this change in their life, and maybe help devise a way to tell our extended family ......

Congratulations. In time I hope you'll look back and wonder what all the fuss was about.

The therapist thing strikes me as very North American. I can't imagine my parents ever seeking therapy to get over the "shock" of my homosexuality, but, even if they had, there's absolutely no way I'd ever have joined them in seeking therapy "as a family".

 

[BrownBoi89]

Thanks for the comments guys. But yeah the reason they were shocked was me lying to them that I was straight all this time, so I mean I guess it was partly my fault for lying to them, hence the reason I felt the need to "come out", because I wasn't being honest with them for the past 7 years. But I mean compared to most Indian parents my parents are awesome for accepting me the way I am. I feel truly blessed to have the parents I have. Most Indian parents would throw their kids out on the street or not talk to them or ignore them, pretend that they were straight, etc. My parents told me they loved me for who I am and that even if my extended fam never understand or accept me, they are willing to break off ties with them since I am the one that matters most to them. But yeah since I want to be a counsellor one day I encourage therapy if people feel like they need to talk about their feelings with someone. So I am actually looking forward to going to see a counsellor, because who knows I could learn a lot about what I will be doing in the future. I think the reason my parents are seeing one is because they have a lot on their plate right now and they just need help restructuring their life and organising it, minimising stress, etc. I actually suggested we went as a family so they didn't have to go in alone. Thanks again for your comments! Keep em coming!