came out to parents. not terrible but didin't go well....

[Thingsandstuff]

my mom was in shock and then started talking to me about being confused. I foolishly asked her if she'd prefer it if i was a homophobic, hateful person and she said "honestly, yes". My dad was blocking it out but at least making some sort of sense. It's not getting better right now so when does it?

any tips?...something...

 

[unloadonme]

Coming out is different for everyone and you don't tell us much by way of background about your personal circumstances. I'd say give your parents time to come to terms with your sexuality. For most of us being gay was a gradual realisation over months or years, yet we seem to expect our parents to accept it the instant they're told.

You may find you get more balanced replies if you ask the Mods to move your thread to the coming out section.

 

[Thingsandstuff]

Coming out is different for everyone and you don't tell us much by way of background about your personal circumstances. I'd say give your parents time to come to terms with your sexuality. For most of us being gay was a gradual realisation over months or years, yet we seem to expect our parents to accept it the instant they're told.

You may find you get more balanced replies if you ask the Mods to move your thread to the coming out section.

didn't remember a coming out section. I'd appreciate it if they could move the thread then...

I'm half Greek, half English (live most of the year in England) and I basically told them that they can have some time to swallow this but to be honest they didn't look like they appreciated what I told them. We'll see how it goes...thanks for responding

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Thingsandstuff,

I feel very sorry that your mom gave such a reaction. It seems to me that she had no idea at all that her son was gay, and apparently never had thought about this possibility. Likely, she needs time to get used to the idea that you are a gay and that you want to live like an open gay guy who is relaxed and happy. Are your parents religious?

Would you mind to tell us abit more about your background? Age, country where you are living, are you (still) living together with your parents (or by yourself), etc.? Do you have a history with girls / girlfriends?

So I tend to agree with #2: give your parents some time to come on terms with this news. Do you have other friends (gay friendly ones), do you have gay friends, have you opened yourself also to other people around you?

Anyway, I would like to wish you good luck. Feel free to react and/or to ask for more advice.

Its great you have set this important step. So I also want to congratulate you with this important step.

Take care.

 

[refujiunderground]

it's alright, man. hold your head up. be proud of yourself for having enough balls to tell them. they may not be happy with you but you should be happy for yourself for telling them to their face. with that said, i'm sort of tempted to do what you did. not yet though. let them marinate over it though but at the same time, don't let that stop you from enjoying life. you've now revealed yourself to two of your parents which is something that you should be proud of no matter which way they take the news.

i know i shouldn't be one to give advice on this since i'm not out yet but hey.... congratulations.

 

[midnight81]

My mother was very supportive, but she tried the whole "confused" thing on me too at first. If I had asked her in the moment, she probably would've said she wishes I was a homophobe too, but it was because she was so afraid of me being outcasted and made fun of for being who I am. After a few weeks she had come to realize that this was who I was and she kind of already knew deep down. And she was fine with it because she loved me and this was who I was.

Give them time to let it soak in and hopefully they'll come around. Keep us posted too! We're here for you.

 

[Thingsandstuff]

thank you to everyone who responded. We had another chat after she calmed down and seemed slightly more open-minded than shocked. Both of my parents aren't religious in the typical sense but the they do believe in a very general defition of God (they actually dislike religion and everything it's done but consider themselves theists if that makes sense to anyone)... I'm 21 which I guess is a normal age to come out. We'll see how it goes....

Again thanks to everyone who responded. Really needed this

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Thingsandstuff,

Thanks alot for your reply, and I tend to think that both of your parents just need some time to get used to the idea that their beloved son (= you) won't bring home a girlfriend, but a boyfriend. And its good your parents are no reli-fundi's, as reli-fundi parents often don't know how to cope with gay and lesbian people (and often disown them totally).

Hey man, you are living in the UK (at least most of the time), and its not tough at all to built up a happy life as an open gay in a country like the UK. 21 is a good moment to tell your parents they don't need to wait anymore for a girlfriend.

Just see how things are going, and don't worry too much. There are loads of people over here at JustUsBoys who can help you in alot of different ways.

Take care and keep us informed.

 

[Benvolio]

I think it is important to tell them that no one chooses to be gay and you did not. No one knows why some are gay but it happens and you can no more change than a straight man could. It is not their fault.
Parents often think their boy has chosen this as a fad or something or perhaps influenced by friends. As soon as they are convinced you did not choose and cannot choose to be straight, they will be come around.

 

[Seasoned]

Parents have always been a mixed bag on this issue. Some lash out with hurtful comments out of fear for their child or guilt, thinking they did something to cause it. Most come to some level of acceptance, but the process is painful to us because it smacks of rejection and judgement. In these cases we flip roles with our parents because we have the knowledge and insight they don't. Try to hang in there over the rough spots. Here's hoping it gets better soon.