Came Out,what`s Next ?

[M4P]

Congratulations on the coming out. I gather it was not easy dealing with your family

As for what to do now... you need to find your own comfort zones. Being gay and coming out is more than just hanging out at clubs. You might want to look for some organizations (sports or volunteering) where you'll find guys with similar interests and you'll make some friends

Good luck!!!

 

[hermanding]

god bless you for your courage to be YOU. everyone is right. find some gay group or groups in something that interests you. you'll meet people as any one meets other people. You can now kinda begin to live YOUR life and not some one else's idea of what your life should be. That's not a guarantee of success, since that doesn't exist for anyone. BUT, you will be living YOUR life. And do be proud of yourself as a person with just as much decency and deserving just as much as anyone from the sexualities that have been rewarded throughout history. I am very happy for you.
ding

 

[jamie_01930]

CONGRATULATIONS!

When I started to come out I was using "www.gay.com" as it has smaller breakdowns of areas of the cities. A lot of guys use it for hook ups but there are some that just use it for future friends

once again
CONGRATULATIONS!

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Loverboy,

Congrats on coming out mate...thats an awesome step...especially if you had to deal with unsupportive family. Good on you mate...that took some real courage and determination. I hope you feel proud of what you've achieved.

Loverboy, you need to take care here. You've lifted that huge weight off your shoulders and now you feel free and that its time for you to get on with your life. Catch up on what you missed out on and start living....its a wonderful moment when it feels like your life is only beginning. But now...you find its going too slow. You havent found someone, you arent in love...nothings happening....

Dont let those feelings manoeuver you into making decisions that you may not be ready for, or dont want to face just yet. Dont let the need to feel like somethings got to be happening force you into bad judgement.

Try and work out what you want first. Think about your own safety and wellbeing in all of these situations. Maybe you need to establish a network of friends thats are either gay or know that you are. They become your sounding board and your safety net...have you told any of your friends? allow yourself to be comfortable with other guys and people in friendship, without the additional burden of emotional attachment just yet. You'll learn so much about yourself and what you are looking for when there is no pressure.

Your values morals and self respect are really important here Loverboy. Let them guide you and protect you. How you treat yourself is just as important as how you treat others.

There's no need to rush this. No need to feel left out or desperate. Your new life of honesty and openness is only just beginning. You have all the time in the world to enjoy the journey and to learn about yourself. And you are already on you're way...you are surrounded by friends and support her at JUB already. Good luck in these first few steps. You're not alone.

 

[spreadeagle]

I don't see that you need to do anything very different from whatever it was you did before you came out. One of the arguments often used to rationalise a homosexual orientation to straight parents, or used by the parents to support their gay child is:you're the same person you always were. Exactly!

You still know the same people you've always known and share the same memories with them; you still have the same interests and ambitions for the future. Contrary to what you might expect, being gay does not automatically increase your chances of a date on a Saturday night.

What you can expect is having more energy available to focus on the direction of your life now that you don't have to spend all your time worrying about someone discovering your terrible secret. Just be wary that you don't swap your fear of not conforming with the expectations of straight society for a fear of not conforming with the expectations of gay society - whatever that might mean.

 

[Smitho]

Hi Loverboy84 and Congratualtions, you have made the first big step, well done, and good luck with next week with your friends, and what ever happens I believe you are doing the right thing in the long run. You don't sound shallow at all, it is hard to advise what to do, as I don't know you, but if you feel like to want to go out drink, dance and party, then go and do it, and that is what I would personnaly do, as thats my personality, so if you feel the same go and do it, you have earned it now enjoy it. So dive right in!

I have no idea what Chicago is like but it is a big city, so I guess has a gay area?, so go and try. May be a good idea if you have a friend who would go with you? I don't know what their like.

Good luck again for next week.

 

[luminum]

Good luck loverboy. No matter what happens, just know that you're never alone. ::hug::

 

[RicanDAB]

Loverboy ... CONGRATS are in order for coming out ... and I am happy to say that you're just one more of many here that are courageous guys I look up to for support.

You're NEVER going to be alone in the gay world unless you want to be. You may lose friends in the process but then again, were they your friends in the first place? I feel that coming out to family is crucially tough as well, and in that case once you do it you have to let it be and if acceptance is not immediate, you'll have to let it simmer with them and pray that time will warm them to the reality.

You live in Chicago? It's a great city to live in and be gay! Boystown (Halsted St I think is the name of the street) is the epicenter of it all if you're looking for the nightlife (been there once and had a fab time).

 

[JackFTwist]

You are in Chicago, there are lots of resources, a safe one where you can meet people with no agendas is through any of the supportiv groups out there.

For example, on the north side of Chicagohttp://ebenezerchurch.org/WhatWeOffer.php
check under Social Action and you see they have things for glbts. (They have a rainbow flag on the church, by the way, and this is the church that houses gay square dancing - hey you meet people - among other things). Call and ask one of the pastors for a little of their time and they will be a great help.

That is just for an example. http://www.gaychurch.org/Find_a_Church/united_states/us_illinois.htm
That has a long list of gay friendly churches in Chicago and I would call any pastor near you and ask for a little time to see what resources they have, etc. Trust me, they will not try to convert you to their church - it is just a safe place to start making connections and they will have lists of all kinds of resources and places to meet people.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

I don't see that you need to do anything very different from whatever it was you did before you came out. One of the arguments often used to rationalise a homosexual orientation to straight parents, or used by the parents to support their gay child is:you're the same person you always were. Exactly!

You still know the same people you've always known and share the same memories with them; you still have the same interests and ambitions for the future. Contrary to what you might expect, being gay does not automatically increase your chances of a date on a Saturday night.

What you can expect is having more energy available to focus on the direction of your life now that you don't have to spend all your time worrying about someone discovering your terrible secret. Just be wary that you don't swap your fear of not conforming with the expectations of straight society for a fear of not conforming with the expectations of gay society - whatever that might mean.

I'd double sign that on a dotted line.

Coming out is all fine and good. Congrats.

A lot has changed through that act in your own life. You got rid of your fears to quite some extent, and sure, no one can now 'blackmail you' for being a gay or anything. But that is where the buck really stops.

You still need your Saturday nite date, and you better go and get him.

SC