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camming/pic sharing w/ others while in LTR

marky mark

marky mark

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So my boyfriend and I have been together since 06/2006. We've established many times that we're in it for the long run, we love each other very much, and don't want anyone else. He recently confessed to me (after I found out) that he has jerked off on his webcam/shared pictures in chatrooms with other guys during our relationship. He says it's nothing serious and I shouldn't be alarmed, and also says he wants to break the habit because it's what he did before we got together. He says he hasn't done it often, but will have random spurts where he'll do it 3 nights in a row and then not do it for 4-6 months. He said porn just doesn't always do it and he needs the interaction when I'm not available (which I understand).

I was really upset at first, and sometimes I'll be a little paranoid if I find out he was up until 3am after I've gone to bed -- but should I be? I personally wouldn't do it. After I took some time to breathe, I told him if he was all that horny and needed "interaction," to call me. I have a webcam too. I'm in college 9 months out of the year about 90 miles away so I usually just see him on the weekends. He's taken me up on the offer a few times and we've had phone sex or played on our webcams, but I dunno. We have a healthy sex relationship otherwise, and everything else is going smooth.

Could this outlet he's been using be more than just "fun-time" for him? Could he be expressing other motives? What are your opinions?
 
Hard to say. I think it's telling that he approached you and said "I do this, and I'd sort of like to stop." If he's secure enough to approach you and say this, it's an indication that he's probably on the up-and-up, and he's not looking for something on the side.

A couple things you might suggest, to see if it puts your mind at ease. Ask if you can be his webcam "bud". If he wants to pretend it's someone else, change your username, and aim your cam low enough that he can't see your face. Also, ask if you can join in next time he feels like webcamming. Either sit next to him and do it with him, or sit to the side and watch. Who knows - you might find out it's even hotter that way.

Lex
 
G-Lexington said:
Hard to say. I think it's telling that he approached you and said "I do this, and I'd sort of like to stop." If he's secure enough to approach you and say this, it's an indication that he's probably on the up-and-up, and he's not looking for something on the side.

A couple things you might suggest, to see if it puts your mind at ease. Ask if you can be his webcam "bud". If he wants to pretend it's someone else, change your username, and aim your cam low enough that he can't see your face. Also, ask if you can join in next time he feels like webcamming. Either sit next to him and do it with him, or sit to the side and watch. Who knows - you might find out it's even hotter that way.

Lex
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I agree with this. You can also ask him when you will be ''someone else'' if he has bf and how he feels about him and other stuff :badgrin:
 
G-Lexington said:
Hard to say. I think it's telling that he approached you and said "I do this, and I'd sort of like to stop." If he's secure enough to approach you and say this, it's an indication that he's probably on the up-and-up, and he's not looking for something on the side.
Click to expand...
well the thing about him telling me, is that I found out, I brought it up and then he told me everything.
 
...OK, not so cool.

Then I'd definitely press for getting involved. He can cam with you, or with you and somebody else. Can't you do "three-party", too?

Lex
 
G-Lexington said:
...OK, not so cool.

Then I'd definitely press for getting involved. He can cam with you, or with you and somebody else. Can't you do "three-party", too?

Lex
Click to expand...
I don't really want to do three. There was a point that we wanted to have a threesome and it just kind of blew up in our faces and created a disaster that took forever to clean up. We've cammed before and we continue to have phone sex when we're not with each other... I just hope it takes the temptation away from wandering.
 
Let the boy have his fun. Men have needs.

Perhaps even suggest some sort of shared cam session... you and him in the same room jerking off to someone on a cam. KINKY!
 
>>>He was honest with you and wants to stop. Give em a break. It shows he cares enough about your feelings and really loves you.

The thing is - he WASN'T honest. He didn't say anything until AFTER he was discovered...at which point he only did it once every several months, and he was trying to quit. That might be the case, or that might not.

I don't subscribe to the "boys will be boys" adage. Guys should be willing to make sacrifices for each other. I'm not saying that webcamming (or any other activity) with another guy shouldn't ever happen during an LTR - just that it should be something that's agreed to by both parties.

You seem basically worried not about the camming itself, but about whether it'll lead to something else. Share that concern with your boyfriend. Would you feel better if he shared the info with you? "Last night, I did some webcamming with a guy"? Or would you rather not know?

Lex
 
This is definitely something you need to discuss with your boyfriend; Anything that is of concern to you.. Otherwise it will eat you up.

I, myself, am in an LDR; My boyfriend lives in Toronto; 5000 miles away.. We only get see see each other every 3-4 months (if that), but we know we are soulmates, and only want each other..

The fact you found out, beforehand, means he was dishonest. Sure, he told you in the end.. but if he really cared about you like you feel you care for him, I think he should of talked about it with you before going and doing the deed(s).

If my lover was doing it, and I found out, I would be very upset; I would never do anything like that to him.
Love is physical, and emotional. A partner whom you should be sharing everything you can with (so to speak); One for One, side-by-side ..unless of course, you discuss doing "other"..

Turn the situation around.. Would you do what he did/does, and no mention it to him..
People are different yes.. But love, well.... I think I am making my point, lol #-o.
 
it's one thing when it's taboo and fun, it's another thing when you are removing the taboo and substituting something plain and tried .... I am talking about prohibiting camming with others and suggesting him to cam with you.

It's same as you are caught eating candy and parents make you eat dinner, saying "Oh you're hungry ? Try this". Of course it's no fun eating dinner for a kid when you want candy. It may breed resentment.

I propose going into some other direction entirely. Not camming. Something else. Maybe an extra phone/Skype sex session or something entirely different.
 
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