Can anybody give me any advice?

[hayate707]

Hello everybody this is my first post on this forum but I'm just goin thru some things and need some help. Ok so far I had came out to my mother and brother just recently. Oh yeah to give you some backstory on me I'm 19, college student, and only out to my mom and bro. But anyway, after I came out I was expecting myself to be so happy and fine about myself because I not lyin to anyone anymore but so far that hasn't happened.
Lately I've really been sort of gloomy and anxious about me being perceived as this stereotypical gay guy by my family and friends or worried about if I could ever get a boyfriend and truly be happy with myself. I mean I thought I had accepted the fact that I'm gay and I think I have but it's like I can't be happy about it. I know that sounds strange but I was just wonderin has anybody else felt this way before or have some advice for me?

(P.S. Sorry for the long post)

 

[G-Lexington]

You obviously haven't spent much time here in CO&R if you think that's a long post.

Your insecurities are natural, be you gay or straight. Everybody (usually unnecessarily) worries about how they're going to be perceived. Everybody worries about finding someone to hook up with, about getting shot down if they try to approach somebody, about dying a virgin. I don't think being gay is the source of your anxiety. I'm betting you wouldn't be Mr Confident with girls lined up around the block if you were straight. You'd just be worried about if the girls liked you, and if people wouldn't like you because you were too geeky, or too short, or too heavy.

Keep working on liking yourself. Not just the gay aspect of you, but ALL aspects of you. Enjoy what you enjoy, take pleasure in your strengths, and accept your faults. Eventually, you'll grow more comfortable in your own skin, and everything will start falling into place.

Lex

 

[lonnie1]

It may not be obvious to you now, but you have taken a very important step in your life. Having lived in the closet for 60 years, I know how miserable your life would have been had you chosen that road. Now you can live your life honestly and experience your true emotions which will make your life fuller and richer.
Just take it one day at a time and eventually you'll realize the importance of what you have done. Congratulations.

 

[KaraBulut]

The purpose of coming out is to stop lying to yourself and to stop lying to the people who are important in your life.

Unfortunately, it's not a roadmap on how to live your life or find happiness. That's something you still have to do in your own way and on your own schedule.

 

[WYSIWYG]

I was always afraid to come out! My life was ruled by fear of 'potential' consequences, so I was in the closet and stayed there. I ended up listening to family and others and my life became a disaster!!! For most of my life I was very, very unhappy!!!!

I am out now and in a loving relationship! It took many failed meetings to find Mr. Right!

As mentioned, your only 19. You have an entire life ahead of you. I do not know where you life, but do some research on gay organizations. If your in college, see if there are any gay clubs, etc. Get out and explore the possibilities!

There is only ONE you, whether there is a gay label on you or not. You can offer many things to someone else, as they can you. You have taken the first step. All you need to do is take a few more steps and 'learn how to walk!'

 

[boy0boy]

Well to give you a little more perspective from somebody closer to your shoes, I myself am 19 and gay.. Although a bit further along in this whole process that is coming out. The fact of the matter is most of us start off behind the majority of people, while everyone learned how to deal with relationships we struggled realizing who we really liked. Hesitation and anxiety for younger gay guys is perfectly natural. Lex has some good advice here, stop worrying about relationships at the moment- develop yourself and your own attitudes and ideas. I laughed when I came out when my sis in law said "so can you help me shop for clothes,"and the fact is the prevailing "gay" idea in society is too strong to try and prove wrong. So don't. Be yourself and you might find like I did... I'm actually pretty good at some gay stereotypes like style and decorating, but I still scratch my nuts when they itch too.

Hope that's somewhat helpful.

 

[hayate707]

Wow thanks everybody for the great advice. Especially what you said G- Lexington. I am not that confident with myself and that's been the case since I could remember. But lately with time I'm beginning to learn how to like myself. I just kinda wished it didn't take so long for me to do this. And boy0boy you're right as well about me tryin to stop people from stereotypin me as the "gay guy" and just be myself. I guess I just don't want to be less respected, ya know. But anyway thanks for all the good advice and encouragin words everybody. It really made me feel better.

 

[Seasoned]

Coming out is probably a life-long process and coming out to one's self can be the most difficult part of that process. Any LBGT groups at school or in the community? Get involved with other gay people. It'll help. Good luck!