Can I Just Not Receive Anal Sex Or Am I Simply A Wimp?

[ralphhut]

I am partnered with a wonderful, loving guy - but the problem is he often gets carried away in bed and tries to fuck me.

I have never bottomed before - and would like to do it (both to make him happy and also experience the pleasures some guys seem to get from being fucked)

But, however much lube or time spent "preparing" - IT HURTS - just attempting penetration and I really can't stand pain or discomfort.

Is it possible I just am not built for it? I'm a well-built guy - neither fat nor skinny

Or am I simply a wimp?

I've tried in the bath with a Dildo (small!) and it does go up - can't say I either love or hate - just makes me feel like going to the toilet.

It's starting to cause a little underlying tension between us - I think he feels frustrated and I feel a bit useless.

Every other part of our love-making is fantastic and that would be sufficient for me - but I know it is very important to him.

We communicate well on every topic in life EXCEPT this one.

I would really appreciate any positive/helpful comments.

Thank you.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

You may just be a TOP.

 

[xdudex123]

I feel the same way. although I've always seen myself as a bottom I hate the feeling of being fucked. its strange because when I jack off I always picture the dude I'm fantasizing about as the top when in reality the feeling is awful. maybe I'm just not used to it but some bottoms seem to love the feeling. idk. so although its not really help, I can relate

 

[Elwood]

In my experience it takes practice. My first few times were a little painful and not all that enjoyable, but now I love it.

 

[jerich69]

Just relax your ass hole everytime he fuck u its help a lot. and lot lot of lube before I don't like the feeeling too its hurt like a bullshit. Everytime we finish fuckin I feel going to crap my pants but now I love it! He fuck me always everyday now

 

[Crcivic]

If you have never really tried it how do you know you wont like it? You should at least try it a coulpe of times. The first time will hurt a little so you should try it more than once so your ass can streach.

 

[bankside]

The sensation you are feeling is not something you're supposed to get used to. Other guys who enthusiastically bottom do not have some kind of weird enjoyment of the same sensations you find undesirable. They're feeling something else, something much better, because they have figured out what technique works for them.

It means you need to try things just a little bit different, until you find what works. It could be as simple as changing the angle slightly...more lube...less lube...different kind of lube..different time of day...any of those things can be a make-or-break-it factor.

This may sound strange, but sometimes a very small Dildo doesn't feel as comfortable as something reasonably larger. For anal to work, you have to be relaxed to let it in, and it has to pass through two rings of muscle in your ass. You can control the first stage of that, and you can feel it when you relax & squeeze & release. But then you come up against a second internal ring that tries to keep things out, and it is not under your conscious control. This is just inside you about an inch or so.

If it could talk, every time you tried anal it would say "No. No. No. I said no. No thanks. No. No. No. Not now, thanks. I'll pass. Absolutely not. No. Well maybe. Okay just a little bit. Um yeah actually. Okay wait a minute. Oh yeah. OH YEAH. OH YES. OH KEEP GOING.."

That part, you have to wait out. You need a firm hand with it, but ultimately you can't convince it to give in any sooner than it wants to and some days it just doesn't want to relax for a good fuck.

However, on the good days, the idea is with some good lube, and some very gentle firm pressure, you can wait it out without forcing anything, and then it just gets really good. Really incredibly good. Like do not get to the end of your days without enjoying this, its so good. And with practise, your ass is not dumb. It figures out how good it can be and learns to cooperate most times.

About the size thing: With the small dildoes, they just seems to slide in and out past the resistance of that inner ring, without actually waiting for the ring to give in. At least for me, it seemed to work better with a slightly larger size instead of the traditional thin "starter Dildo" Nothing ridiculous, but a good sized Dildo did the trick. And it took a few times of trying and waiting and giving up, doing something else and trying again another day. And then it was incredible, and I love it as much as topping.

 

[MindBlast]

There's also the possibility that you just may not enjoy anal sex. I fall into that category. Some gay men have trouble believing that not every gay guy likes to have anal intercourse.

 

[hotb0d]

I face similar problem. I just can't seem to enjoy anal sex. I mean the few instance that it hits my prostate...I guess there's a quick sense of arousal but that's about it. Overall, it's more painful than pleasurable.

But I like the guy I'm with enough to do it for him. We spend hours of making out, cuddling, massaging, touching, talking....20-30 minutes of anal isn't that bad. Cost and benefits I guess. Maybe you should try a position that hurt the least (typically doggy position for me). Once you passed the initial pain, it's not as bad.

What works for me: on my stomach, he's finger me for a bit, a butt plug, lots of lube, then the real thing

 

[xdudex123]

It does get better with time !!

you're adorable. I'd love to top you.

 

[texan_slant]

Yeah, it might get better with time, but maybe not;
It might also be something that you don't prefer, and that is also OK.

Sometimes, you gotta accept the fact that you just might be a top!

 

[xdudex123]

Come and get me then

don't tease me...cuz ill do it and cum all over u.

 

[killa10288]

I agree with many who have posted..., Lots and Lots of LUBE!! lube is key.. plus u have to be mentally prepared for it as well. Make sure he is patient with you, and be patient with yourself. Try the cowboy position because u get full control

 

[mbamike]

First you need to determine if you are a top, bottom, or versatile. When you and your lover are in bed making out and the passion makes you lose control of yourself, do you get to urge to fuck him or does your ass twitch?

Next, you need to train your ass to accept a cock if you are determined to be the bottom for your lover. What I did was purchased a butt plug and worn it around the house until I could wear it for a few hours without discomfort. I had to work my way up to this, so it took a couple of weeks. I just wore it a little each day until now there is no discomfort at all to have a cock in my ass. This will also eliminate the urge to shit while you are getting fucked.

I hope this helps!

Best Wishes!

 

[sentirpromesas]

First you need to determine if you are a top, bottom, or versatile.

why do we need to label ourselves further, especially in bed?

labeling only confines u, if ur in a relationship there should be no need to pre-decide what role u will take, just let the love take u...sometimes me and my bf would flip flop, other times i'd bottom, other times he'd bottom...it was always a surprise...and i think it takes a lot of the stress out of the sexual relationship

 

[mbamike]

why do we need to label ourselves further, especially in bed?

Because his partner has tried to fuck him without success, he has never bottomed, and it hurts when he tries to us a small Dildo on himself. My point is some guys are total tops and others are total bottoms.

I am a total bottom myself. I hooked up with a guy who said he was versatile, but it turned out he was another bottom. Neither of us got fucked.

 

[Maskedman]

first anal time you never like it
you need more practice
i love cocks in my ass

 

[bankside]

Because his partner has tried to fuck him without success, he has never bottomed, and it hurts when he tries to us a small dildo on himself. My point is some guys are total tops and others are total bottoms.

I am a total bottom myself. I hooked up with a guy who said he was versatile, but it turned out he was another bottom. Neither of us got fucked.

He could be versatile like I am. If I don't get both, I don't want either.

I think people who are only interested in one kind of sex are usually limiting themselves unnecessarily.