Can I just talk to someone?

[justanotherone]

As my name suggests; I'm just another boy who doesn't know where he's going with his sexuality.

Being anything other than straight is not something that I always want to do, but most times, and with increasing frequency I find myself really wanting to be with a boy. At sixth form, I look for my own characteristics in others that may hint at them being gay, because I'm desparate to know, to meet someone like me. I don't want to admit that I may be anything other than straight because I don't think it'll go down well and I may change my mind - but the damage will be done. I particularly find the "alpha male" appealing, like; a chav/scally whatever you want to call it, and don't know why.

I, myself am an academic and the opposite of a "chav/scally" but the idea of being one, with one, turns me on.

When I was young; five years old, I began seexually experimenting with other boys. It seemed that as others started to like girls, I never really saw them that way, until I was thirteen. The experimenting went on for another seven years, which I and the 6 others with which I experimented, enjoyed. It was only towards the end that we were able to ejaculate, by which time there were only three of us left doing it, "it "being now only masturbating. We never anally penetrated eachother.

Since then, I have gone to a different school to the other boys, who seemed to have moved on. I haven't.

My curiosity and at times, buring desire and wanting to be in a real relationship with a boy, is overwealming. Equally though, sex etc... with anonymous partners is a big turn on.

The whole thing confuses me, I mean; I've had sex with a girl, and enjoyed it. It was f*cking great! But nothing turns me on as much as penises. I Guess what I'm trying to do in this post is reach out to anyone who can offer advice or simply chat with me about it. I'm stilll young and don't quite know what to do.

 

[BigDan]

Hey, I guess you're 17 or 18 since you mention you're in sixth form. It sounds like you're having a hard time about this.

From what you say, I get the impression the biggest thing that's bugging you is finding a label for yourself. You're worried about being "anything other than straight". I would encourage you to experiment with what feels right for you first, and not to worry about the label. If someone asks, you can say you're "adventurous" or "open to suggestions", since you enjoyed sleeping with a girl.

Letting your emotions and affections run more free should open up new experiences to you, which will help you figure out in future if there's a label that applies to you. But don't feel so tortured by the need to conform to a "straight", "bi" or "gay" label. You're young, and now's your time to experiment and find out what you really are.

 

[pai mei]

As my name suggests; I'm just another boy who doesn't know where he's going with his sexuality.

Being anything other than straight is not something that I always want to do, but most times, and with increasing frequency I find myself really wanting to be with a boy. At sixth form, I look for my own characteristics in others that may hint at them being gay, because I'm desparate to know, to meet someone like me. I don't want to admit that I may be anything other than straight because I don't think it'll go down well and I may change my mind - but the damage will be done. I particularly find the "alpha male" appealing, like; a chav/scally whatever you want to call it, and don't know why.

I, myself am an academic and the opposite of a "chav/scally" but the idea of being one, with one, turns me on.

When I was young; five years old, I began seexually experimenting with other boys. It seemed that as others started to like girls, I never really saw them that way, until I was thirteen. The experimenting went on for another seven years, which I and the 6 others with which I experimented, enjoyed. It was only towards the end that we were able to ejaculate, by which time there were only three of us left doing it, "it "being now only masturbating. We never anally penetrated eachother.

Since then, I have gone to a different school to the other boys, who seemed to have moved on. I haven't.

My curiosity and at times, buring desire and wanting to be in a real relationship with a boy, is overwealming. Equally though, sex etc... with anonymous partners is a big turn on.

The whole thing confuses me, I mean; I've had sex with a girl, and enjoyed it. It was f*cking great! But nothing turns me on as much as penises. I Guess what I'm trying to do in this post is reach out to anyone who can offer advice or simply chat with me about it. I'm stilll young and don't quite know what to do.

i, like you, have had sex with women, and enjoyed it. the physical act of sex is pleasurable, and a vagina feels good and i could be with women again if i really wanted to, and it'd feel good again.

but i dont ever see women that are sexually attractive to me. i'm never at the mall or wherever, and see a girl and think about how much i wanna fuck her. but with boys? ooooh lord. i can't go out without thinking that about some boy lol

i, like you, didnt want to be gay either, in fact i spent years denying that i was. i'd tell myself it was a phase, or maybe i was slightly bi, but that it didn't matter. i'd go from gay porn to straight porn on a regular basis, 'denying' myself what i really wanted to see for as long as i could before inevitably going back to the gay stuff. (it takes for fucking ever finding twinks in straight porn too!)

well.... i can tell you now, that being gay is fantastic. the it gets better campaign isn't just a catchy slogan. it can be a reality. it was for me. finally accepting yourself isn't easy, and maybe it doesn't get better right away for you, i can't tell you what your situation is, we all have different environments. maybe you will be rejected. but, i trust that it will get better for you. you know, whatever happens in your life, it means so much to be able to face it as the person you truly are, instead of the person you think everyone else expects you to be.

so you wanna hook up with a hot boy? you know what? so do i! and i can, and i do. that's what accepting yourself means. it means you get to live the life YOU wanna live, and no, it doesn't always mean it's sunshine and rainbows (omg yay, rainbows!) but it does mean that whatever you have to face, you get to face it as you, not somebody else, and after awhile, you'll start to realize just how fucking fantastic that really is.

 

[justanotherone]

Thanks guys, BigDan for your identifying of me searching for a label, I hadn't looked at it so simply before, and I guess I should just go wherever I take myself. I definitely think that the "open to suggestions" idea is viable, thankyou.

Pai Mei; what a life you lead! Thank-you for your straight-up (no pun intended) and honest advice and anecdotes, I smiled reading your post and can see traits or my own in what you have said about yourself.

Thank-you guys

 

[BigDan]

Oh, and I forgot to say one thing. Have fun! Exploring who you are is an adventure. Don't be fearful of where exploring will lead you, because as long as you follow where your heart and your body take you, it will be the right place.

 

[anchihiro]

I hated school so i went to college when i was 16. I asked old friends how sixth form was going and basically you get treated the same as before except everyday is own clothes day. Eh.

But when i got there it was about 3% scallies. All the different alternative kids walked around free without abuse. There was a drama course where at least half the guys were gay. And open.

So i think an influence over your mentality at the moment is your enviroment.
I think a lot of us here can identify with how you're feeling right now. Simply because we've been exactly where you are too. It sucks but is strangely exciting at the same time.

The major thing thats going to change things is time, and thats all. Time to develop as you mature and possibly get more sexual experiements under your belt. Ultimately what i think you need to know, is that gay/bi/straight there is no right or wrong. There just is. But first you need to be comfortable in your own sexuality, and like that guy^ said, forget the labels. x

 

[Seasoned]

How old are you? Your age would color my response to you.

 

[Rolyo85]

Ah, the pre-coming out inner turmoil. It's been so recent, I still remember how good it feels right after. You never even realize how heavy the burden of being in denial and hiding this big thing about you from everyone is, until it is gone...

 

[slnattak]

Because you're new to being gay, you will be more into the alpha male thing. We've all had the 'extreme straight macho guy' fetish.

But as you grow up and mature, you will want more of an equal, and you may still want to be dominated but it will be in a more subtle way probably.

You want to be dominated by an alpha male because you want somebody that takes you out of yourself. The whole self-identity thing is crippling for you personally and being dominated is something that makes you get out of yourself and focus on another person. That is the psychology behind it.

The more you get over your own insecurities over 'the gay thing' (and I know they cause a lot of insecurities, they do for everybody honey) the less this probably will happen, and you might even find yourself turned on by guys you never thought was possible.

Since you are insecure about it now though, the only type of 'male' that can turn you on are hyper alpha males. But it's just a fantasy, since you're dealing through your own issues, so you can't be attracted to a real person, only the idea of them. No 'real man' ever fits that fantasy. Even masculine guys have feminine traits, my macho uncle cries more than me!!!

 

[TX-Beau]

Yeah, how old are you? What is the context of your situation? Things will be different if you are 18 living at home than if you're 22 and not.

A whole lot of gay men have had enjoyable sex with women, that in and of itself isn't indicative of anything. The fact that you're not lusting after women would be. Even bisexual guys get hard for the titties.

WHAT is a "scally/chav," I've seen those terms before, no idea what they mean.