Can I trust my gaydar?

[Noodles]

Hey everyone.

I know this will sound silly and it's been done to death in numerous other threads (e.g.- "how do I know if he's gay?") but some input would be greatly appreciated.

I have the "classic" crush on a guy on my bus. The bus is a great place to people watch... there are usually plenty of guys to check out.

There is one guy on my bus route pretty regularly that I can't stop looking at! He's very cute and I check him out every chance I get. I think I'm pretty subtle when checking someone out, at least I've never gotten caught in an embarrassing situation because of it. The thing with this guy is that from time to time I sense fleeting glances from him. I'll look up at him and his eyes will dart away from me or he'll move his head (this doesn't always happen, but it has from time to time on separate occasions).

It happened again this afternoon. To my delight he stepped on our near empty bus and sat in plain view near the front. I once again caught him looking in my direction a few times. BUT.. I was sitting directly behind 2 reasonably good looking girls. So was he looking at me or them?

As our bus rumbled down the street we passed a guy on the sidewalk who looked hot and this guy in the front seat clearly turned his head to look at the guy on the street. Again, just a fleeting glance - his eyes seem to constantly be darting in every direction. Eventually he pulled the cord and got off the bus at his usual stop.

So I suspect that he may be gay. But fleeting glances are not substantial evidence of course.

Now, here's where I wonder if I'm just reading way too much into his glances (everyone people watches, right?)... He looks a lot like a guy I used to know that I was sexually involved with for a time and developed strong feelings for. I still have strong feelings for him even though it's over. Since this guy on my bus looks similar to him, am I just imagining him as gay because I knew a similar looking guy who was gay? I mean, he doesn't have any "tells" other than these (imagined?) glances at me.

Some people profess to have ultra-powerful gaydar, lol. I however do not. I don't know how one can improve their gaydar... but I'd love to find out how!

Anyways, I'm just wondering what you guys think about it or what I can do further to try and gauge if he's gay. He does seem like a laid back, approachable guy but I'm way too shy to approach a stranger on the bus and say "Hey, are you gay?"

I sympathize with The Office's Michael Scott, who once wondered aloud regarding gay people, "Find out if there's a way to tell just by looking at them."

Lol.. thanks for reading and I look forward to any feedback.

 

[Telstra]

Hey everyone.

I know this will sound silly and it's been done to death in numerous other threads (e.g.- "how do I know if he's gay?") but some input would be greatly appreciated.

I have the "classic" crush on a guy on my bus. The bus is a great place to people watch... there are usually plenty of guys to check out.

There is one guy on my bus route pretty regularly that I can't stop looking at! He's very cute and I check him out every chance I get. I think I'm pretty subtle when checking someone out, at least I've never gotten caught in an embarrassing situation because of it. The thing with this guy is that from time to time I sense fleeting glances from him. I'll look up at him and his eyes will dart away from me or he'll move his head (this doesn't always happen, but it has from time to time on separate occasions).

It happened again this afternoon. To my delight he stepped on our near empty bus and sat in plain view near the front. I once again caught him looking in my direction a few times. BUT.. I was sitting directly behind 2 reasonably good looking girls. So was he looking at me or them?

.

thats funny ....

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

Screw the games, strike up a conversation. WE can't tell you if he's gay, HE can.

Even if you don't flat-out ask him, ask about his interests, where he's headed, music, sports, life.

The early bird gets the worm, wait too long to speak up and he might have just met another guy the day before. Go get yo' man. Or keep wondering "what if."

 

[Eagle653]

^^^I have to agree with the above.

As for gaydar, I have kinda-sorta learned to trust mine, but not completely. It still gives false-positives and false-negatives.

When I was first coming out, I trained myself to watch a guy's eyes. Watch where they glance to when a man walks by. It's especially fun in restaurants and other public places, watching strangers. Some men seem to glance, almost immediately, at the crotch or butt. Others only look at the face, or above the waist (if at all).

More often than not, when a stranger talking to me kept glancing at my crotch, it, sooner or later, turned into a cruising or proposition thing. I trust my eye-watching more than my "gaydar."

 

[AngelFromAbove]

Gaydar does not exist. Usually, gay men use the term when they truly mean a guy who's stereotypically gay or a guy they wish were gay (because they want him). Like others have said, simply ask him. That's all you can do to know for sure.

 

[Scimitar]

^^^I have to agree with the above.

As for gaydar, I have kinda-sorta learned to trust mine, but not completely. It still gives false-positives and false-negatives.

When I was first coming out, I trained myself to watch a guy's eyes. Watch where they glance to when a man walks by. It's especially fun in restaurants and other public places, watching strangers. Some men seem to glance, almost immediately, at the crotch or butt. Others only look at the face, or above the waist (if at all).

More often than not, when a stranger talking to me kept glancing at my crotch, it, sooner or later, turned into a cruising or proposition thing. I trust my eye-watching more than my "gaydar."

Trust me, I think all guys wish the gaydar thing was failsafe. I personally think that strangers who make obsessive amounts of eye contact are a dead giveaway. I also remembered reading somewhere that most men gay or straight automatically look at the crotch, because in prehistoric days that was a way of sizing up ones opponents for mating. But ya you should just say hi to him and strike up a conversation.

 

[fabulouslyghetto]

The eyes thing can be a dead giveaway, but it's sometimes misleading. Some guys just size other dudes up, I've seen straight guys take a quick glance at my nether regions.

On the opposite end, I have no interest whatsoever in women but I commonly will glance at her rack, or her curves, just admiring the landscape.

 

[Desire]

whats a gaydar?

 

[Hot Hector]

I consider myself gay and I never look at a guy's crotch, even if I'm very interested. I usually look in his eyes. Or let him see I'm looking at his body.

As for the main post... yes start a conversation and check out what his interests are, ask questions and let him talk a lot, it usually gives a lot of hints.

 

[KingofFaeries]

no do not trust gaydar EVER!!!!!!!!!!!! lol

 

[KaraBulut]

Screw the games, strike up a conversation. WE can't tell you if he's gay, HE can.

^^^QFT

Gaydar isn't worth a hill of beans unless you're willing to actually talk to the person.

Start by saying "Hello" and acknowledging him when you see him on the bus.

And on some future bus ride when you're sitting closer, say "I've seen you on the bus for a long time, I'm ____ by the way." and strike up a conversation.

You may just make a casual friend to chat with on the bus every now and then. Or- who knows...?

 

[rnailsone]

If you dont want to ask him next time you see a cute guy on the street make a sly remark about him letting the guy on the bus know your gay and see what his reaction is or maybe if he's interested or not

 

[Urahara]

^^^QFT

Gaydar isn't worth a hill of beans unless you're willing to actually talk to the person.

Start by saying "Hello" and acknowledging him when you see him on the bus.

And on some future bus ride when you're sitting closer, say "I've seen you on the bus for a long time, I'm ____ by the way." and strike up a conversation.

You may just make a casual friend to chat with on the bus every now and then. Or- who knows...?

I have tried this a couple of times. We become friends, and then he stops hanging out with me when he finds out I'm gay, presumably because he feels betrayed. I don't blame him. It's not like I naturally made friends with him; I went out of my way to get to know him because I found him attractive.

The idea of being more forward and flirting with him from the beginning is more honest and wastes less time, but frankly terrifies me.

I'm generally very confident so I'm just trying to transfer that over into flirting so my position can be relatively clear from the beginning. It's difficult because people don't realize I'm gay.

Can someone tell me if my thought process sounds logical?

 

[Noodles]

Hey guys,

Thanks for the advice. I don't mean to revive this thread because I know it was a bit of a dud... but I do want to provide an update in case there are any interested readers out there.

I mentionned in my original post that this guy on the bus looked a lot like a guy I had once known and had been involved with and still had feelings for. Well, quite uexpectedly and miraculously, I was re-united last week with this person that I've harboured feelings for. It's good to see him again and we seem to be getting along great like we used to. I don't know what will become of "us," but now that he's back in my life I plan to pursue him to see if there's any possible future.

As for my "crush" on the bus, I accidentally stumbled across his facebook profile last week after finding he was friends with a semi-distant friend of mine. From what I've learned on facebook he seems to share common ground with me having been raised in a small town. He also seems to be pretty straight as there's several pics of him getting pretty close and personal with one particular girl. Oh well, I still think he's very hot and will continue to enjoy checking him out on the bus.

In the end I've learned that I can't rely on any so called "gaydar" after all.....

Thanks everyone!

 

[KaraBulut]

I have tried this a couple of times. We become friends, and then he stops hanging out with me when he finds out I'm gay, presumably because he feels betrayed. I don't blame him. It's not like I naturally made friends with him; I went out of my way to get to know him because I found him attractive.

The idea of being more forward and flirting with him from the beginning is more honest and wastes less time, but frankly terrifies me.

I'm generally very confident so I'm just trying to transfer that over into flirting so my position can be relatively clear from the beginning. It's difficult because people don't realize I'm gay.

Can someone tell me if my thought process sounds logical?

Honestly, from what you just said, I got mixed messages, which means that the guys you chatted up were probably getting mixed message, too.

In these situations, you just go in with reasonable expectations that you're just meeting someone to get to know a little more about them. Even if the other guy is gay, sometimes there just isn't chemistry. In situations like this where you see someone often, you just go in with the expectation that you're going to make a casual friend. Occasionally, you find someone who becomes a very good friend. Occasionally, you find a one-night stand. Occasionally, you find something a little more.

You just have to look at it like anything else in life- you can sit on the sidelines or you take the risk. The only thing that is certain is that if you never try, you're never going to get anywhere with the person that you're attracted to.

As the saying goes, "Nothing wagered, nothing gained".