Can not deal with break up issues, depression...

[chace1617]

HELP

i really need some help here, going through a break up but it's just too difficult for me to go on with my life

here is the full story of my break up some of you might already have read it
http://www.justusboys.com/forum/threads/384799-Cute-Guy-from-high-school-new-flirt-in-my-life

my problem is that he dumped me in November still can't forget it though. i have never felt happy since then again. thinking about him with the other guy just kills me. i cry almost every day since then. it's ridicoulous cause people are going through bigger problems than me in this life and just deal with them and i am just so weak to go through this. maybe it's because it was my first ever time of everything, i am 22 and he was my first kiss my first love real love, and the way he treated me i just can not believe it. i have a family and they don't know naything about it, they somwhow understood i was not ok so they asked me what is it i had to tell them my story just with a girls name in it cause i'm in closet. my friend suggested i should see a therapist, i am just not feeling ok talking about my personal issues with a stranger even though if he's a doctor. i just can't keep living like this, i know i should be happy for having a happy family and friends and be healthy but there is this space in my life, this space he left when he dumped me. i just can not feel happy. i can not feel complete i am so jealous of everyone else living happily with their boyfriends/girlfriends and i had it too, i was flying in the sky from happiness back then. why can't i have it now? my life feels so empty i just don't care for anything, o pretend being happy to everyone else but when i get back to my room i just feel miserable and cry. i miss him so much and the fact he doesn't miss me or care about me kills me, i gave him everything i could and he treated me like shit. i still love him i just can't stop it. i had so many problems in the past but i never let them bend me, i was always so proud and independent and go through everything with a smile, this break up just ruined me and it's been like 8 months. when am i supoosed to feel better? i just can't live like this, i am seriously considering killing myself just to stop feeling all the pain i'm feeling, i'm just feeling so emotionaly tired, i'm an emotional wreck.

i am asking anyone of you who can help me to do it, if there are any therapists in here i'd like to talk to them, please i really need it, can't keep living like this...

 

[Rolyo85]

I don't think there are any therapists here, and you really need to find one to talk to in real life. I am sorry you suffer so much. Do you think maybe telling your parents the truth would help you? It sounds like you really need someone to talk to and if you're hiding your problems from anyone that's not possible.

You shouldn't let some other guy decide your happiness. Focus on what makes you happy. You were more than some random dude's boyfriend before you met him, there's no reason not to be more now.

 

[chace1617]

well i was no ones boyfriend before him and this is what i am now. before him i just was sad for never having a boyfriend in my life or my first kiss. now i am depressed cause i had it but i can't have it now. i can not talk to my parents. i wouldn't out myself just for him.it's funny cause when i was with him i was seriously thinking about talking to them cause i thought that i am going to be with him this is it, i was happy why not telling my parents? i can't tell them now, just 2 of my closests friends who are gay know the real story and they have helped a lot but not enough to make me feel ok again. the only reason i am not killing myself is because of my family i love them and they love me too much to give them this amount of pain and ruin their lifes...by no means i can keep living like this though

 

[Rolyo85]

You come out for yourself, not for someone else. You come out, because living a lie is a heavy burden and it is now only adding to your depression. Your family will accept you if they care for you. We've all been closeted, and we've all had the fears you have now. But you can't focus your happiness on having a boyfriend. If you are not happy by yourself, nobody will want to be with you because nobody wants to be the only one responsible for someone else's happiness. I would like to talk more to you about this if you'd like to send me a PM.

 

[silentalk]

Hey Chace

You're story touches me very deeply. I'm so sorry you're still going through this. Hang in there.

Build yourself a sanctuary someplace. It could be real or in could be imaginary. A place where no one could hurt you. If you're close with your gay friends, maybe you can spend more time with them, if they're really good to you.

As a reminder, you can go and read the thread I started a couple of years ago when I was going through a situation similar to yours. Things do change, you have to look forward to the time they do.

 

[Ganoderma]

hi chase1617,

I feel very sorry that you have such a huge problem to go on with you life after things went wrong with your boyfriend. I tend to agree with Rolyo that being and staying in the closet makes it more difficult for yourself. I tend to think that your family and all of your close friends will be aware that there is something not ok with you. Very likely, they will see / feel that you are not very happy. But you can't discuss your problem with them, because you are closeted. So this also means that they can't help you with solving your problems (and with making you happy again). Im sure several of your friends (and also your family) would be very happy to help you. But they don't know what's going on inside you. On the other hand, you have some gay friends with whom you talk.

So you love your family, and I am quite sure that your family is also loving you. I tend to think that you can only solve your problems by telling your family why you feel so sad right now. What will happen when they will know the truth about you?

Feel free to send me a PM if you would like to talk more.

Take care & good luck.

 

[chace1617]

hi chase1617,

I feel very sorry that you have such a huge problem to go on with you life after things went wrong with your boyfriend. I tend to agree with Rolyo that being and staying in the closet makes it more difficult for yourself. I tend to think that your family and all of your close friends will be aware that there is something not ok with you. Very likely, they will see / feel that you are not very happy. But you can't discuss your problem with them, because you are closeted. So this also means that they can't help you with solving your problems (and with making you happy again). Im sure several of your friends (and also your family) would be very happy to help you. But they don't know what's going on inside you. On the other hand, you have some gay friends with whom you talk.

So you love your family, and I am quite sure that your family is also loving you. I tend to think that you can only solve your problems by telling your family why you feel so sad right now. What will happen when they will know the truth about you?

Feel free to send me a PM if you would like to talk more.

Take care & good luck.

i am a;ready emotionaly tired from my last drama why putting another drama,telling my parents,is a good solution?how can they help? i know they love me but can not understand me just cause they are not gay.most of all they will feel sad and will need time to adjust to the ''new information'' why put another drama in my life? telling them is not gonna bring him back. even if they support me and understand me i am still gonna be alone missing him. and right now i do not wanna meet other guys i tried but i keep comparing them to him, right now i think that he's the only one perfect for me, he was the one i was looking for and i lost him. no one is going to replace him. i was never lucky in love life in fact i'm 22 and he was my first. he had a sex life since he was 16 and 5 relationships including me in his life. he was just 19! relationship is not my destiny obviously...i am so afraid i am going to die alone in an apartment with 70 cats...

 

[Rolyo85]

You said you read my message twice, yet you are now talking about how perfect he was... at 19. He's a kid. He wasn't even ready for a real relationship, yet you will never meet anyone as perfect as him? Selling your entire life short much?

 

[chace1617]

you said you read my message twice, yet you are now talking about how perfect he was... At 19. He's a kid. He wasn't even ready for a real relationship, yet you will never meet anyone as perfect as him? Selling your entire life short much?

well he dumped for some other guy and they are together 6 months already! Seems like a real relationship to me! My only real relationship was with him like... 2 weeks?

 

[Rolyo85]

well he dumped for some other guy and they are together 6 months already! Seems like a real relationship to me! My only real relationship was with him like... 2 weeks?

Wait, so you were with him for two weeks and you've been suffering for over half a year? And it hasn't occurred to you that the break up might not be the problem here?

Two weeks aren't enough to even BEGIN knowing someone. In the first month you're dealing with your own ideas of them, not who they actually are. You never even got to the end of that phase.

What's happening here is you're missing the "relationship" itself - the idea of having a boyfriend. Not the guy himself who was a kid you barely knew...

If anything, these new details only reinforce what I told you in the PM. You're fixating on something to avoid dealing with what's actually making you unhappy because its easier being miserable and doing nothing than doing the hard thing in order to achieve happiness.

 

[chace1617]

well if you're going to advice me better read my whole story. i already gave you the link, well we were talking since August and started dating all this ended in November. it just happened to kiss me just 2 weeks before he had to leave. and yes i miss the relationship itself but he was the one i wanted to be in a relationship with so yeah obviously i miss him too. i wouldn't be in a relationship with someone random just cause i want to be in one, he inspired me to want to be in a relationship with him

 

[Rolyo85]

And others will inspire you too once you stop fixating on him. What are you doing in order to inspire THEM?

 

[chace1617]

I know how shitty it can feel wanting a guy knowing he doesn't want u or at the very least, knowing u can't have him and imagining him with anyone else and feeling the despair of what used to be. U have to pick urself up. Rememer, u were a person with a purpose before any of this, u can be that person again. It's important to get out and meet people too. Not necessarily romantic, just meet people and see where it goes.

I wish I could offer more help. Please don't consider anything like suicide. Ur saying goodbye to any chance of feeling better.

I'm going through a really tough time myself, not that I'm trying to compare our situations, but I know I have to keep a positive attitude while surviving it all. I do believe deep down all the pain will take me to a good place. I am even thankful to go through an experience such as this because it gives me the tools on how to emotionally carry myself in similar situations in the future. And we would all be very naive to think we're never gonna face times of more heartbreak, because we will. It's the experiences such as these times that will be reminder of bad times in the future that we survived it.

Remember that no person means the difference between ur happiness and misery. Allow yourself to think of this guy. Allow yourself to miss him and even wish u both were what u used to be again and think fondly of the time u shared together. Think about it from an open hearted perspective all the while not being concerned with what he feels or what he felt. These are your feelings, admit them and embrace them. Talk to people about what you're going through. As long as you hear your voice and hear yourself breathing, you are surviving this. It can take u to such a good place if u let it. These times are what are supposed to be stepping stones in your life. The emotions of it can suck, but emotions can just suck sometimes. U must have some good days. Think of things to talk about with others. What passions did u have before u met this person?

The fact you're going through such a heartache only tells me you're gonna make a guy very happy and lucky one day because it's clear u have a passionate and loving heart.

Good luck to u and if u ever wanna have a chat, message me. I can be there for u if u want.

Remember to empower yourself. Know that u are so worth it and there shouldn't be another person that has to remind u of that, but yourself. Just be you.

thank you very much for your reply. it really made me feel better i really appreciate it. i know that all this thing i'm going through is gonna make me a stronger person. what is important is that i have to stand on my feet again. all your advice helped a lot and i read and think all the replies and advice from each and every one of you, thank you all for making me see a some light in the darkness.