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Can someone please answer this ?

Underdog

Underdog

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Hi, I am a little confused. I am a married, non-active bisexual guy (by that I am not easily swayed from my marriage) . Good looking, in pretty decent shape. Trust me i know that I am attracted to women and men.

I have a coworker in a non-traditional job (not in an office), very intelligent. We worked together today and he touched my arm and back twice today, not usual guy interaction in my experience. I am not one to "hit on" on a guy at all, only once in three years, that is the only experience I have had ever. He is gay and it is known in the company and it is on Facebook.

Anyway....had two drinks at the bar tonight with a couple other people, he bought the second round. We all hung out for about an hour. He headed back to his room, the rest of us headed back about 20 minutes later.

I called his room -- I thanked him , made a goofy joke about it, and he said hey no problem he was glad to buy a round. He said yeah, it was cool and we work together again later in the month. I said this is really awkward but did he want to get together , he said yeah, I said like do you want to right now. He said, no, kept a good attitude about it, he said maybe something tomorrow, I said, yeah lets do something tomorrow like lunch. He said ok.

So what does this all mean ? Mind you I am not one to do a trashy "booty call" that is absolutely not my style, and like I said, trashy. We have a good friendship and did I screw this up or this totally f''d up that I misread his signals. I am not stupid and there has been something in the past and now too that I see him again.

PLEASE COMMENT . Thank you.
 
I honestly do not see any sign of a sexual advance on his part. Maybe you're projecting?
 
Thanks , anyone else ? I am attracted to this guy, didn't really explain that...

PS Who makes up those stupid descriptors based on how many posts you have had on these forums....
 
Hi have u thought about telling this guy the truth that yes u are attracted to him but ur in a married relationship and u love ur wife and dont want to leave her that way everyone knows where they stand and there should hopefully be no hard feelings and u to can remain friends hope that helps :-)
 
Underdog said:
Thanks , anyone else ? I am attracted to this guy, didn't really explain that...

PS Who makes up those stupid descriptors based on how many posts you have had on these forums....
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LOL! Maybe you're just pissed because you're a "slut" at the moment. :) Don't worry, post more, and you'll outgrow that status.

The "Thanks, anyone else?" is kind of a dismissive brush-off of someone who took the time to reply to you because you didn't like the answer. I'm not sure what answer you're "hoping" to get here; sounds like you want something to confirm your stance/logic. What I'm not clear on is that you started off your post declaring you're "not easily swayed" from your marriage and you're a "non-active" bisexual guy, then you describe later about how you're the one taking the initiative to call him, and ask if he wants to "get together"? (And not to be too dense, but honestly, in what context are you asking him that anyway? That I couldn't really get. Do you mean just hanging out with more drinks or lunch or something, or... well, something else/more?) As for the touching arm and back, it depends - some gay guys are just more touchy/expressive like that.

Hope you figure things out.
 
Underdog said:
So what does this all mean ? Mind you I am not one to do a trashy "booty call" that is absolutely not my style, and like I said, trashy. We have a good friendship and did I screw this up or this totally f''d up that I misread his signals. I am not stupid and there has been something in the past and now too that I see him again.

PLEASE COMMENT . Thank you.
Click to expand...

Being BI here is no different to being STR8. You may equally well be attracyed to a female co-worker as to a male.

If you've decided on an exclusive sexual realtionship with your wife - then you should stick to this - whether the temptation is male or female.

If you need more sexual variety - if you love your partner - this is something you both need to agree on.

You've almost certainly not misread his signals - but the fact he's the same sex makes no difference - this could equally well be a female fellow employee you were attracted to.
 
clustiau said:
nothing like forbidden fruit to make a person crazy for it huh!!!!

looks like a no-go area to me...everything to lose and probably nothing to gain.....
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Guess I'd agree - sounds like he has everything to lose and not much to gain

But also - the "monogomy" decision is often one that can't last - even when its just other women guys are attracted to.
 
Underdog said:
We worked together today and he touched my arm and back twice today, not usual guy interaction in my experience. I am not one to "hit on" on a guy at all, only once in three years, that is the only experience I have had ever. He is gay and it is known in the company and it is on Facebook.
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Seriously, touching the arm and back, well, it means nothing sexual, and I definitely wouldn't equate it to be getting hit on.


Underdog said:
I said this is really awkward but did he want to get together , he said yeah, I said like do you want to right now. He said, no, kept a good attitude about it, he said maybe something tomorrow...
Click to expand...

In taking a step back and looking at this entire scenario, it pretty much sounds like you were the one hitting on him by making the first move and asking to do something, "right now," then he brushed you off.
 
Yes, the hand on the back, the two times touching is telling. Anybody who ever did that to me was gay or somebody I strongly suspected was gay.

The touch is a way of that person expressing their homosexual attraction to you but it does not mean they are necessarily going to go through with getting with you. It sounds contradictory but I've been there. They can flirt but not go through with it, and that leaves you holding your dick.

Your calling him and suggesting you get together can only be interpreted one way by him. If he's interested I'm guessing you'll see by his actions to come.
 
Let's not forget that you are the aggressor here. He just bought drinks. You called him and asked to get together. He said no. (He's the smart one and you'd had a couple of drinks and your judgement was lapsed a bit)

Just be friends with him. He knows the rules. Don't fuck where you eat.

Now go home to your wife.
 
JNewYork said:
Yes, the hand on the back, the two times touching is telling. Anybody who ever did that to me was gay or somebody I strongly suspected was gay.

The touch is a way of that person expressing their homosexual attraction to you but it does not mean they are necessarily going to go through with getting with you. It sounds contradictory but I've been there. They can flirt but not go through with it, and that leaves you holding your dick.
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OK, are you for real? This is a HUGE stereotype cuz, I can honestly say that my straight friends, and once in awhile my closer work colleagues are that way with me sometimes, and it is definitely not sexual.

That slight touch that someone gives would never set my expectations to the point of thinking that I was being hit on.

It's affectionate - YES.
It's flirtatious - YES.

...but I always appreciate it for what it is - some sort of connection, intimacy, or attraction with no mal-intent or expectation.
 
JNewYork said:
Yes, I am for real and stand by my post.
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JNewYork said:
Yes, the hand on the back, the two times touching is telling. Anybody who ever did that to me was gay or somebody I strongly suspected was gay.

The touch is a way of that person expressing their homosexual attraction to you but it does not mean they are necessarily going to go through with getting with you. It sounds contradictory but I've been there. They can flirt but not go through with it, and that leaves you holding your dick.

Your calling him and suggesting you get together can only be interpreted one way by him. If he's interested I'm guessing you'll see by his actions to come.
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oyes, been there, it ended in disaster for us, maybee you that read this have better luck ! :-)(!)
 
Thanks all for your advice. Very good thoughts and ideas. Appreciate it.
 
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