Can't climax

[TheShyOne]

So, I don’t know where to post this exactly. I’ve seen several places to do so but no real clue.

I’ve been seeing this guy for quite some time now. We’ve gotten close and the sex is amazing. The only problem is, I can’t cum for him without jerking myself off with him being for attentive to me. He wants me to cum for him without my having any physical play.

I’ve cummed before—with someone else—and I did once for him but that was too long ago. We’re extremely close, our chemistry is amazing and I feel great with him. But I want to show that sexually too.

I’ve done the whole get out of your head thing. I’ve done the whole do not masturbate thing. I’ve done ever thing I think I could find. Just would like some input. This problem may stem from the fact I really like him, and it’s a feeling that I never really had before hand.

 

[KaraBulut]

It's the right forum.

If I understand what you're saying, you come with your boyfriend. But while you're loving what he does for/to you, you have to jack yourself off while he does it in order to come.

Are you wanting to have him jack you off to come? Or are you wanting to come with out being jacked off by either you or boyfriend (i.e. you want to come just from him sucking you off or do you want to come hands-free while he fucks you)?

 

[TheShyOne]

I would like to be able to come from him sucking me off. He would also like the same. It's happened once but that was long ago. Long long ago.

I only seem to be able to come when I'm jacking off and he's playing with me. I get so close but it just doesn't happen. He pleases me, I enjoy it so much but it just doesn't happen.

 

[kallipolis]

Spend time relaxing in the company of your partner with conversation, with a drink by implementing foreplay before engaging in heavier sexual activity with kissing, feeling, touching, caressing enabling you to relax sufficiently to move on to the next phase leading to ejaculation.

 

[KaraBulut]

Honestly, it's not uncommon. A lot of guys- gay and straight- say that they can't come from a blowjob. It's just too different of a sensation compared to fucking or jacking off.

If it is important to the two of you, then start slow. Start with jacking yourself off and then when you are close, see if your boyfriend can finish you off.

Over time, move to where your boyfriend gets more involved. Alternate jacking and blowing, where you jack yourself off for a while, then your boyfriend blows you and jacks you, then you do yourself for a while then he does you for a while. Show your boyfriend how you jack off and have him match the speed and pressure as best he can. If he uses his hand with his mouth during the blowjob, it will also help.

But probably the most important thing you can do is for both of you to get in the frame of mind that sex is not making each other come- it's about getting off together, any way that you can. Adding performance pressure or making it too significant doesn't help. Your boyfriend shouldn't feel like jacking yourself off while he watches is a failure on his part.

Instead- accept that it might happen that you finish yourself off when you're ready to come. If it does, just make it hot- give your boyfriend a facial while he jacks himself off or straddle your boyfriend and grind your ass against his cock while you jack off. There's more ways for your boyfriend to feel like he's involved in getting you off than just blowing you.

 

[TheShyOne]

@kallipolis we are into heavy foreplay. And we do talk a lot.

@KaraBulut I'm going to try that, so far I've been guiding him and it's getting there. But I'll definitely use your advice. Thanks so much

 

[teadrinker]

I've had plenty of blow jobs in my life, but only once came from one, and that was an occasion when I was smoking a cigar at the same time. If he wants to make you cum without you doing anything yourself, maybe he's being a little unrealistic? And one of the many things about good sex is that it does in fact take time, patience and practice before two people can really understand and work with each others' sexual rhythms. When two people are in sync, it's amazing.

-T.

 

[ndavies]

Sounds like some performance anxiety going on. Nothing uncommon. I had a recent similar experience. We had a great night together and everything went well but I just couldn't cum for the life of me and it wasn't for lack of trying! We just said, screw it, and ended up jacking off together...a few times. I had no problem with it one bit. It takes me a while anyway so he was holding back begging me to get off, and finally when it happened the simultaneous release was fantastic.

It'll get better and like people have said before, you just have to get to that point of arousal and it will happen. Might take some time especially with someone new.