Can't feel pleasure. I want to die

[BlueLantern]

I just had a guy here... I just could not get hard. It is not the first time.

I don't know what I have exactly probably mental. I never actually enjoyed receiving pleasure from another man... weirdly the only times was when with a friend with I am not attracted at all... I can't stand be penetrated, I can't penetrate, I like to give blow jobs, but can't get pleasure from it, same with hands. I have being masturbating like 2 times per day, but the orgasm is mecanical... I have something wrong with me... I don't have any friends, I don't get out, I am so lonely, I can't see that will ever be happy and I am too afraid of dying, I think I will be depresed for the rest of my life.

 

[KennyD]

Say Buddy ... I think that you are "THINKING" about everything way TOO MUCH .... Most impotence comes from the mind and from a physical ailment .
Are you able to get and maintain an erection while masturbation ? IF yes; then your problem of remaining erect with another person is Mental .....
It could very well be that you need to feel more emotion and closeness with a guy before/while having sex and that Casual Sex is not for you .... I've been there with that .
You are very young ... so ... when you have the right guy and the right time ...at the right setting ... you WILL have your Dick of steel .....
Don't give up ... you've got plenty of time to have sexual escapades ... Good Luck !!

 

[ladygrey]

Hmmmmmm......

well honey, you sound like you have a bunch of problems. I'll do my best, but a professional counsolor would be the ideal person to talk to.

Firstly, about the sexual pleasure thing. Do two things for me. One: goggle the word "asexual". There are a lot of people who are not sexual wired. It may sound strange in our sex crazed world, but not everyone is wired like that. So that's something you might like to explore.

Another thing I want you to try and do is: stop trying to force yourself to do something that is not working for you. I understand that sex is causing you distress right now, so step back from it for a while.

You mention experincing severe depression? If you are severly depressed, several things can happen to affect your sexual pleasure. Number one, your sex drive will be almost non existent. Secondly, your pain threshold will fall sharply, meaning you will be much more senstive to pain. The part of our brain that interprets pain is affected by depression and becomes more senstive as we feel pain. It also works the other way. As we become more depressed, then our ablity to feel pleasure decreases. In this way, your depression could be causing you to feel a lack of pain.

Another thing is depression can cause somomatic issues in the mind. What that means is a range of disoders that cause a person to feel psyhical systoms that are not explain by biological determinents. Your lack of pleasure may be something like that.

When you are depressed, everything internally is thrown out of balance. It is very important for you to find support as soon as possible. Look for phone lines for mental distress, people who are able to provided social services, or find forums/websites that offer services talored to individuals experining or strugglign with depression.

Educate yourself on depression, become informed about it, because the more you know, the better able you are to understand yourself.

When you feel depressed, you are more likely to see the world in a negative light, more likely to ignore the postive elements of life, and more likely to experince heightend senses of fear and doubt.

So the world you see as hopeless and the life you question are not clearly reflected in your eyes. You are seeing through the lens of depression. What might really be there can be very different than what you percieve to be there.

Does that make sense?

I hope you can find the courage to seek help.

Remember, I've been there again and again. And yet, I'm still living and breathing. More importantly, I'm still glad to be alive.

I would have missed some great things.

 

[BlueLantern]

i wanted to try some sort of online suport group, but I don't know any.

I can masturbate, but sometimes have problems with that. If I think about it, don't work, but if I forget about it, it does work.

 

[ladygrey]

^
sounds more mental than bilogical

As long as you have no challeges with walking, hand eye cordination, or focusing on a object visualy, I'd say it's not neuroligical.

It's likely depression related.

 

[BlueLantern]

It migth have a bio part, I don't know, but don't hipotension (low blood presure) may cause it? I migth have hipotension but I din't made any test so far.

 

[megustamyn]

If you have reason to believe you could have a physical problem you should talk to your doctor about it, but at your age, other than clinical depression, it is rare to have a physical condition that would affect your libido or your sexual performance. It sounds to me like a support group or a therapist might help. Most large cities have a gay center or gay switchboard that provides referrals to different types of services and groups. Many colleges have similar services and/or gay student alliances. It’s much easier to find resources through a locally based group than through the Internet. Problems dealing with social interaction are best dealt with face-to-face.

Also be aware that sex covers a wide range of activities. Not all people like the same things. Many men never have anal sex. Others find oral sex unappealing. Some men love to kiss and cuddle while others are turned off by kissing. We are all different and that’s okay.

 

[dexyboi86]

I am gonna go way beyond anything depression-related or what-have-you:

...I have being masturbating like 2 times per day...

And therein lies a BIG problem. Been there, done that.
Go a week without masturbation, then get your freak on with some cutie. That would be an easy fix!!!

NO! --> <-- NO!

It does sound like some depression issues too, so I would see a doctor. Especially if my above advice doesn't help.

 

[BlueLantern]

^^^I will try that... any ideas to not stay bored?

The pain thing mentioned early. I have noticing that I do am sensitivy for pain, I always assumed because I was not get used to it (I am sedentary) and somehow because it was a efeminate trace. (wich is ironic, because women can resist pain better than men)

 

[teh_nathan]

I cannot answer you but as to the lonely part: *hugs*
I don't have a whole lot of friends where I live, myself, so in some way I can relate.

 

[NickCole]

Well first of all you ought to see a doctor; there is help for you.

Your pleasure is suffocated by fear and, I suspect, pain. At the very least you have a fear of intimacy. You feel unsafe. It's revealing that the only times you've received pleasure have been with a friend to whom you are not attracted -- that's a situation safe from any requirement or potential that you feel or that someone feel for you.

What prevents you from getting out? What, do you think, prevents you from having friends?

 

[BlueLantern]

I am gonna go way beyond anything depression-related or what-have-you:



And therein lies a BIG problem. Been there, done that.
Go a week without masturbation, then get your freak on with some cutie. That would be an easy fix!!!

NO! --> <-- NO!

It does sound like some depression issues too, so I would see a doctor. Especially if my above advice doesn't help.

Does it need to be a entire week?

seriously I am dying here

 

[bayern20]

Clearly it is all mental.

The lack of experience and loneliness is also a huge key. You see, when you have more experiences, you will understand that the other guy has similar fears. We all worry about some part of our body, we might be shy about a part, and that can stop us from enjoying what is happening and what we ultimatley want (and should want)

Also understand though that we are all not built for hook-up style meetings. Some of us can only get hard for a person that we know wants mores..that doesn't pressure us, that is understanding, etc I bet if you find that type of person..you will get hard because you wont be thinking about it..it will come slowly and you will see that the person likes you for more.

 

[BlueLantern]

thanks all for your cooperation, I will try to socialize better and change my habbits (masturbate less, exercise more)

Also, a question, can a curved penis somehow cause leg pain, I sometimes think that my penis "pulls" my leg from inside or something... but it is just a impression.

 

[nicepash]

I can't answer your last question except that you can't make a bent penis straight. The degree of bend in the penis is formed after conception as the foetus develops. Attempting to straighten it could cause soreness at the base of the penis and elsewhere in the area through the sympathetic nervous system
As for the mechanicalness of your masturbation. It sounds like you've become obsessed with having orgasms, made worse by the fact that you're not enjoying them and so the so called vicious cycle starts. Why aren't you enjoying them? Are you stressed with anxiety about something you find hard to talk about? Life/death issues perhaps? Acceptance by family and friends with the subsequent fears and secrecy, and possible furtive and inadaquate sexual encounters, and fear of the possible health consequences of such activity? Anxiety can be so draining on the brain and body that over a period of time it can cause depression.
My own doctor said to me years ago, when I was having a very similar problem, that SEXUAL AROUSAL AND ANXIETY CANNOT LIVE OR BE IN THE SAME PLACE.
Also, if you are a sensitive person, build up a relationship with someone, gradually getting to know each other. This in the long run is the best way to form a sexual relationship. There is more trust, understanding, acceptance, touching, concern for each other and affection and hugs etc., in all, much more of a sexual turn-on than the superficiality of a fancy at a cruising gay bar can be. With this part of the problem sorted, go to the Doctor and get some help for any anxiety/depression you may have. In my experience they are pretty good, and he/she may give you different anti-depressants to try out along with sending you to have some intensive councilling concerning any worries and other stresses you may have in your life.
One things for sure, at your age, your problem can be overcome and you can go on to lead a normal sexual/emotional life.

 

[jaysizzles]

Say Buddy ... I think that you are "THINKING" about everything way TOO MUCH .... Most impotence comes from the mind and from a physical ailment .
Are you able to get and maintain an erection while masturbation ? IF yes; then your problem of remaining erect with another person is Mental .....
It could very well be that you need to feel more emotion and closeness with a guy before/while having sex and that Casual Sex is not for you .... I've been there with that .
You are very young ... so ... when you have the right guy and the right time ...at the right setting ... you WILL have your Dick of steel .....
Don't give up ... you've got plenty of time to have sexual escapades ... Good Luck !!

...
Also, if you are a sensitive person, build up a relationship with someone, gradually getting to know each other. This in the long run is the best way to form a sexual relationship. There is more trust, understanding, acceptance, touching, concern for each other and affection and hugs etc., in all, much more of a sexual turn-on than the superficiality of a fancy at a cruising gay bar can be.

I'm in agreement with these two quoted posts for your situation.

Performance anxiety is very common. If you are nervous, anxious, stressed when you are with another guy...you likely not to get aroused. You should look into practicing some relaxation techniques, concentrate on breathing, don't have any alcohol beforehand, don't masturbate beforehand, and perhaps most importantly...know your partner well enough to where you can openly talk about your insecurities/anxieties...that may take some of the pressure off and maybe you can relax enough to enjoy it. Massage each other beforehand...increasing the amount of time on foreplay through kissing and petting before you get down to business. Most importantly...relax and allow yourself the pleasure of enjoying it.

 

[mike_n_herrin]

thanks all for your cooperation, I will try to socialize better and change my habbits (masturbate less, exercise more)

Also, a question, can a curved penis somehow cause leg pain, I sometimes think that my penis "pulls" my leg from inside or something... but it is just a impression.

you don't need to go a whole week! i do it once a day. i can't think of any medical reason why a curved penis would cause leg pain unless your penis is really really really big. and if it is

socializing is hard. i've forgotten exactly where you are. was it south america? i would think it would be hard to socialize there no matter what for gay folks.

 

[toywifme]

I just had a guy here... I just could not get hard. It is not the first time.

I don't know what I have exactly probably mental. I never actually enjoyed receiving pleasure from another man... weirdly the only times was when with a friend with I am not attracted at all... I can't stand be penetrated, I can't penetrate, I like to give blow jobs, but can't get pleasure from it, same with hands. I have being masturbating like 2 times per day, but the orgasm is mecanical... I have something wrong with me... I don't have any friends, I don't get out, I am so lonely, I can't see that will ever be happy and I am too afraid of dying, I think I will be depresed for the rest of my life.

i dont think there is anything wrong with you, a 'friend' of mine is like that too. he prefers to suck, but not to be sucked.

my advice is to tell your 'guy' what you prefer to do and what you want to be done to you (including whispering sweet nothings into your ear, kissing, snuggling etc) and DO NOT feel bad about not reaching your mind-blowing orgasm when you're with another guy. give it some time, when you really feel comfortable, as in you can talk to him about anything without feeling ashamed, your mind set might change.

p/s: try the kissing and snuggling part, it works for both parties!