Can't get hard during sex... Help!

[hellopoppet]

Hi guys,
New guy here, just joined the forum to ask this question...

Basically: I'm 21, and very rarely can get hard during sex. I'm by no means impotent... When I masturbate alone I have no problems at all. But when I'm with someone (especially when the mood is romantic/intimate) I really freak out and my dick just shrivels up. It's AWFUL and obviously incredibly mortifying.

It's like a really twisted form of stage freight, or something.

It's especially bad because since I'm 21, I feel like I want to go out to the bars/clubs and meet people. But I'm so nervous, because obviously that's an awful situation if you get in bed with someone and you're completely limp.

At this point, it's pretty much a downward spiral, because I expect it to happen and completely freak out, so of course it does happen.

And to add insult to injury: I usually get hard when it's completely inappropriate. If I'm peeing at a urinal next to a guy, I instantly stiffen up. Same with nude beaches, etc. I seriously have zero control of my penis, and it is constantly betraying me!

Can anyone else relate here? Does anyone have any tips?

Help!

 

[gsdx]

But I'm so nervous, because obviously that's an awful situation if you get in bed with someone and you're completely limp.

At this point, it's pretty much a downward spiral, because I expect it to happen and completely freak out, so of course it does happen.

That, I am afraid, it the answer to your problem, and it's not uncommon. It happens to the best of us.

Conquer your nerves and find someone you become completely relaxed and comfortable with before even trying anything. Don't push it or set deadlines or dates for yourself. When the time is right, it will happen.

 

[EwanSF]

Try and find yourself a fuck buddy, someone you know and are comfortable with if possible. Random pickups are not the way to go if your going to overcome it man, you'd just be putting more pressure on yourself.

 

[unloadonme]

Have you seen the advice in the Health & Wellbeing Forum?

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=272138

 

[castoono]

^^^

The worst of it all, is that there are many many 'hand to dick' guys, which expect you to be hard since the very first moment they touch you. I know, don't panic

You could hit the black room, where nobody will see your face if you get hard or not. And be patient. When less expected, you'll dominate it and concentrate in enjoying yourself. And this is my advice: please yourself and despise the others (only in your case)

 

[borg69unimatrix]

I need romance, and foreplay. It also helps (for me) to be emotionally 'attached' to the guy, to some extent. Very rarely could I ever do a 'one nighter/hook up'. I would suggest finding someone you're close enough to, to have spend the night. Sleep naked together all cuddly, and see what pops up in the morning!

 

[Seasoned]

It seems like you have something other than performance anxiety because your dick is doing the opposite of what you want it to do. It's more embarassment related. It obviously has a lot to do with thoughts invading autonomic functioning. A logically therapy would be to avoid wanking for awhile before sex and do a lot of it before going to the nude beach. Can you remember a time when you were shamed or embarassed in public because of getting hard. Were you ever laughed at in the lockerroom, for example?

It's good you are working at this and you need to find ways to quiet your thoughts. I don't know how you hooked up before, but an interesting line might be, "are you up for a challenge?"

Don't hesitate to get some therapy if things don't sort themselves out.

Offering a big welcome to JUB. Good luck. Things will work out, because your dick works, just not the way you want it to. As long as you could avoid arrest, the obvious solution is to do it at the nude beach. That was a piss poor joke from an old guy just waking up. Just know I empathize with you and wish for a easy solution.

 

[paatreides]

Hi guys,
... I really freak out and my dick just shrivels up...


...I'm so nervous, because obviously that's an awful situation if you get in bed with someone and you're completely limp...

You need to stop expecting so much from yourself - and stop berating yourself. Many guys have faced this.

Instead of going to the clubs/bars and hitting the sack with anyone, look to building a relationship first. If some dude hits on you and it appears he's looking for a one-night-stand sex encounter, turn him down politely by telling him "Thanks, I'm flattered; but no - I'm the kind of guy who needs to be wined and dined."

Find a guy with whom you feel attracted to, but give yourself a chance to get to know them and feel comfortable without any pressure at all to engage in sex. Just let it happen in its own sweet time.

If that doesn't appeal to you - if you feel you want to get to the bottom of this sooner, get a referral to a certified sex therapist who can help you work through it.

 

[rollex_2000]

are you sure you are trying to do the same as you think about when you masturbate? Some people will think about doing totally different thing when masturbating, yet they will go and pursue something else in real life
I mean if you are sexually attracted to somebody you should have no problem.. imo