can't keep it up

[danomano]

as embarrassing as this is to admit i don't really know where to go for advice: i can not keep an erection up even if my life depended on it.

i've been with this guy for a little while now (just over a month) and, as i have admitted above, i seem incapable of maintaining adequate arousal when we are having sex. it all starts out well, kissing/touching/foreplay and etc. is fine, but as soon as we start moving a little further i just lose it...and it sucks because there are more or less specific top (me) and bottom (him) roles assigned to the situation. i want to please him, i want to finally make love to my bf but it's just not happening. could it be stress/hormones/poor diet/lack of sleep/etc etc etc?

it's a problem i've never had before...i've been with other guys, other boyfriends, and everything has been fine. i do like this guy and i do find him sexually attractive, but apparently my body is thinking otherwise.

anyone, please. what's wrong?

 

[danomano]

yes and yes. i (usually) don't have a problem keeping it up. but then again it has happened before with my ex.

 

[MainEntry]

Sounds like a little voice is telling you that getting involved is not a good thing. That is likely not a good voice and you need to deal with it. I've had that voice all my life.

 

[danomano]

hmm. well i like topping, if only for the fact that i hate bottoming. maybe i should swear off men altogether.

 

[KaraBulut]

You need to see your doctor first to rule out a physical cause for this.

If there is no physical cause, then you should probably work with a therapist. The fear of not being able to perform can sometimes make things worse. Since you've had this problem before, it is time that you found out why this is happening.

 

[cocktacular]

this happens to me too....the foreplay gets me really going, then once it goes to that next step...its gone. and ive topped before and it was fine, ive bottomed before and it was fine....but now, i dont get it....jacking off everythings fine and dandy, but once im with someone, its shy and refuses to work.

 

[EvilForce]

Pop a Viagra and be done with it.

 

[ariesstar89]

Same problem here.

The cause for me might be too much masturbation and porn.
It seems my brain is more excited when I'm watching guys doing it than doing it myself.

So I'll stop watching porn and try to be more in the act !

Sometime it's a very serious problem. Last time I was with this very hot guy,
I was so excited watching him and then I lost it when he was on me. I was like wtf !

My problem is also that I think too much, I can't stop thinking, I don't have the capacity to enjoy it period.
I guess I'm too nervous and afraid to disapoint the guy.

What do you think ?

To be honest, I think I have this problem at times too...it's not the fact that I can't stay hard during, its the fact that I get off easier thinking of guys doing stuff together than actually gettin off with my guy. Make any sense? Like, I get so turned on by him during foreplay, then when we start to get down to it, I don't feel my juices boiling as much. We've worked with it tho, but I still feel "inadequate" cause I can't get off while we fuck or anything like that. I know all of us are different, but I've always had that in the back of my mind....

 

[KaraBulut]

The studies say that most guys are turned on by visual and auditory stimulation. That can take the form of liking porn or it can also mean that there's some degree of voyeurism that's normal for guys.

You can incorporate your desire to watch into foreplay and even sex by watching your partner, having sex with the lights on and doing as much as possible to trigger visual stimulation.

The obstacles to getting off during sex are primarily psychological. Sometimes it's related to feelings of inadequacy about one's body. Sometimes it's just an inability to let go. Sometimes it just happens for no reason. However, it shouldn't be a regular pattern.