Can't shake feelings for this guy - new to it all

[Ander92]

Hey i'm new here, i would appreciate it if you would take the time to read this and offer your opinion on my situation.

I've been out to everyone as gay for nearly 4 years. I'm from a very conservative area in the UK so there wasn't many opportunities to make gay friends or get into a relationship. But ever since going to university (where there are a lot more gay people) i've had an ongoing problem with this guy i can't seem to get over. Let's call him Jack.
He added me on facebook just before we started university as we were living in the same block as each other in our student accommodation and we got chatting; just friendly stuff really. He is very attractive so naturally i was immediately interested, but the thing is he had a boyfriend so i accepted the fact that nothing would ever happen and we just continued to casually chat every once in a while. But a few months after we started uni we went on a night out together with a big group of people and everything was going fine, drinking a lot dancing etc. But by the end of the night it ended up being me and him left in the club so we decided to leave. On the way out we went to the toilet and because the queue was massive we went into the same cubicle to save time. We were both very drunk but i can honestly hand on heart say that i wasn't after anything or trying to get with him. As i went to leave the cubicle he pushed me against the wall and we kissed for a while, me being a drunk idiot went along with it.
After that things got awkward, at first he was ok just saying sorry for being a 'drunk idiot' but then after he told his boyfriend what happened things got awkward. we didn't speak to each other which is fair enough, i felt really guilty.
They eventually split up a few months later and i started chatting to him again, developing real feelings and it turned out we were going on the same night out again, so i naturally got all excited hoping for a repeat of last time (or more ) got my hopes up. We were all out and were very drunk dancing etc. And i notice him and this guy kissing, which literally kills me inside i had to leave i was a state being all emotional. i tired to get over it but i was in a depression for about 2 months, if i saw him in the street i'd literally feel sick. They ended up seeing each other but i don't think it worked out. I eventually got over it over summer and was ready for a new start in my second year. It turned out he was sharing a house with two of the girls i lived with in my student accommodation so i do visit them a few times (i am tonight in fact). But him and his original boyfriend ended up getting back together over summer and he moved up to our city to live with him; all this i was fine with.
But now since christmas they have split up again as the boyfriend didn't like the city and they didn't want to do long distance again. So now he's single and we're starting to talk again. He's recently got into the gay scene as well which i don't really like so i'm always thinking he gets with guys all the time (which he probably does) and i find myself being upset at the thought. I don't know what's wrong with me i can't seem to get over him. I do really want to be with him but i'm scared of trying, or making any moves towards him as i have terrible low self esteem (i was fat all through high school) but now i go to the gym regularly and i even get called 'fit' or pretty' when i'm out, but i just can't boost my confidence as i have hardly any experience with guys.
Do i act on my feelings or try and get over him? Or do you think he'll only consider me the guy he cheated on his boyfriend with?
Sorry for the essay, thank you for reading!

 

[Rolyo85]

Honestly, I don't think it would work out with this guy. You have way too much invested in him and would end up acting unnaturally. Nobody likes the feeling of being someone else's fixation, and it is very easy to sense when that's the case.

That said, if you think you can handle the stress, you can try going for it. But if there are other gay guys around, you should just go for expanding your circle of friends. Feelings are always much more natural, when they spring out of a no-agenda relationship, rather than a hunt for a boyfriend.

But in the end, you need to build up your confidence. If YOU don't like yourself, nobody else will. So just trust the people who call you fit and pretty, put yourself out there, and take risks. Not crazy risks, but enough to find your worth. Without that, any other advice is pointless.

 

[Nathan-M]

If you decide to go for it, think about it and make sure it's the right choice. You don't want to get your heart broken.

Good luck!

 

[Croynan]

this guy has already shown you a lot of what he must be like. don't give him any more of your time or attention. drop him - obviously he is not capable to be loyal in his relationships - male or female.

you deserve much better then what you are experiencing with him.

eM/

 

[fatalmoon91]

i feel like i told this to a close friend of mine recently but think of it this way.....if he cheated on someone else with you what is going to stop him from cheating on you with someone else.

 

[Ander92]

Thank guys for replying,
i must admit i do sound pretty pathetic, i'll just have to make a choice as to whether to leave it or try and pursue him. It's so difficult

 

[fatalmoon91]

its not pathetic. the way i see it if he makes you happy and you want to be with him then by all means do but be cautious about it when its something like this. ^^

 

[Seasoned]

If you can handle the rejection, go for it. My guess is that he sees you as a friend and the making out incident meant a lot more to you than it did him. Much of the time the phrase, "I can't," really means, "I won't." I think you'd be happier, in the long run, if you looked elsewhere for a romantic partner.