caught between two worlds?

[Eagle653]

Hi aquaman and welcome to JUB and posting in this forum!

The "rules" for making friends with gay guys isn't much different than making friends with anyone...the chances improve if you share common interests. Trying to be friends with someone simply because they're gay rarely works because the only thing you have in common is your gayness. And, if it isn't even sexual, then the budding friendship is doomed from the start.

I don't know what kind of place you're in--college town? Larger city? Anyway, it's best if you can find social connections of people who share your same interests--whatever those interests are--who also happen to be gay. In larger cities, there are "gay groups" for every interest imaginable. People make a lot of connections that way.

And, you don't have to limit yourself to that, even. All you really need to do is find one or two pretty neat gay people who are socially active themselves and invite you to small-group dinner parties or other outings with their friends. Friends of friends is a great way to meet more people. If you like the original friend, you'll probably like many of their friends, since like-people tend to associate with each other.

Good luck and I hope some breaks come your way soon on this. Let us know how you're doing.

Welcome, again!

 

[BabiGayPimp]

I'll have to be frank. The "gay scene" as I've known it is a mildly entertaining confection. Kind of like cotton candy that melts when you touch it. Sorry you had to be disappointed. Still, you might manage to find and keep one or two close gay friends who you can be real with, so I wouldn't give up on that. But I wouldn't invest too much time in it either. You may do better homesteading among the "breeders" and create an attractive enough life for yourself that the right people (gay and straight) with want to be with you.

 

[Coffee]

Make friend with people who have great personality. Don't make friend just because they have the same orientation as you. It won't work. Why do you really have to have gay friends next to you, in stead of just hang out with your supportive friends?

 

[lawrenceal]

Yes. I feel the same way. Sometimes not having a gay friend beside u will make u feel lonely. Despite the fact that having a lot of supportive str8 freinds. There just seems to be something missing even though they accept me as who i am. I guess it's becoz i miss on the guy discussing thingy. Like which guy is cute, hot etc. It's pretty weird when u tell ur male best freind that you think that guy in your class is hot. They simply don't want to listen to them.

 

[KaraBulut]

Welcome to JUB and congrats on your first post.

You've got a bit of Oz syndrome. That's the belief that when you come out of the closet, suddenly you're going to be lifted up and swept away to a magical tinsel-covered place where troubles melt like lemon drops...

Unfortunately, it's still Kansas. Only it's more like Kansas City and less like Topeka.

Really, what you need to do is stop trying to divide your world into the gay friends and the straight friends. Instead, start looking for people that you have something in common with who happen to be gay. If you're a runner, join a gay running club. If you're into movies, go to a gay film festival and attend some of the parties after the showings.

In other words, find people that you're compatible with who just happen to be gay.

 

[rareboy]

We have more straight friends than gay friends and this is just fine. What you need to do is connect with one of the fabulous and likely older gay guys who know how to throw a fabulous party. It will give you an opportunity to make more gay acquaintances but not necessarily more gay friends.

Always try to make a friend of the guys you fuck as well.

 

[darkdreamerx]

Your topic title reminds me of Hannah Montana.

On the other hand, "gay" isn't necessarily its own "group" or "circle of friend". Just because you are gay doesn't mean you should hang out with other gay people. Sexuality does not equal Personality. Your straight friends are supportive of you which is very cool, so why not just be happy with them? Hell, my friends allow me to talk about guys with them and girls.

 

[KaraBulut]

The suggestion that I join a group that revolves around some activity is a good one, but it's a bit harder because I can't think of something I like to do so much that I'd want to make it a group thing (like running, photography, etc.). I like to do a lot of different things but I don't really feel super drawn to any one particular thing. Plus, school/work takes up a hell of a lot of time. Maybe I'm boring? I dunno.

Not boring but there's probably a connection between your feelings of loneliness and your lack of activities involving social interaction...

It's something to think about.

 

[KaraBulut]

During this conversation I found myself getting very uncomfortable. Like really nervous. This is not an unfamiliar feeling either. I've definitely felt this way before. I guess the best way to describe this feeling is a mixture of dread/anxiety!!! It's like I'm afraid of gay people!!!

Why am I so afraid of this stuff?

The question is whether you have conventional social anxiety or whether you have social anxiety only when it comes to being around gay people?

Or maybe it's a fear of not fitting into "gay society"? Or at least fitting into the mental image that you've created of what a gay people are like?

 

[Telstra]

We have more straight friends than gay friends and this is just fine. What you need to do is connect with one of the fabulous and likely older gay guys who know how to throw a fabulous party. It will give you an opportunity to make more gay acquaintances but not necessarily more gay friends.

Always try to make a friend of the guys you fuck as well.

true ...........