gdude30
...
First off before I tell this I have to point out.
This isn't about me. This is about a friend of mine. Someone who's real close to me. I almost think of him like a future me. And maybe that's why I really want him to be happy. So that in some way that will tell me that no matter what happens to me. In the end I'm going to be okay too.
I will also refer to the names as Me, T, J, R, and H
Since I don't think it's right for me to post their names on the internet..but then again he gave the guy his freaking address. He sure as hell ain't concerned. But anyways.
Oh I just realized I posted her two other times but that was for my benefit. But since those threads are already dead I can say that the first one I posted about my and my bf and me feeling like he tricked me into the relationship or that he is too protective is over. I broke it off with him along time ago. But we are good friends. And with the roomate thing I told him scared as hell and he was cool with it and did not tell anyone and said he diddn't. He actually got kicked out of the dorm since he never used it much. But it's resolved now and nothing backfired
But this friend of mine. What's happening to him right now. There is nothing in the world I can do.
Prologue
Damnit. Why does me thinking of him and his situation..well I should ignore that for now.
Anyways he is a guy I met on Gay.com a while back. Probably a little after I was done with my ex. I think this was..maybe a month or two after. I think it was definately when i was still in my hook up phase. But anyways he looked cute in his profile picture so I messaged him and we got to talking alot and eventually on YIM and eventually on phone.
And then we would talk about meeting but the license that I did not posses was the obstacle. He seemed pretty down when I failed to get it. While sex was one thing we both wanted. I really wanted to see him in person as well and chat with him. Odd as it sounds.
Anyways. We have been good friends for a while. We have fought on numerous occasions and I have brought 2 or 3 problems I was going through with him and I couldn't calm myself down so that's usually what started the fighting. But as i've learned recently is he is stubborn and will shut people out when he can't take it anymore. Unfortunately.
He talks to younger guys all the time. Some sexually and some non sexually. When I first talked to him he seemed like a sensible and reasonable man. But after each quarrel or other things that probably happened in his life. He seemed to drive deeper into depression. Hearing him the way he used to sound on the phone made me cry. Because we are so much alike. He has gone through everything that i have pretty much gone through but it has progressed from the army to where he is now. It never stopped for him. He hardened a little. His heart. He was afraid to open his heart. And hearing him give up and tell me how he doesn't care about living just killed me.
Because for some reason my hope for the future is him. Or more like. What I don't want to be is him. I don't want to be depressed and miserable like him. But I sort of admire how he is still able to stand. Like me he has attempted suicide too but realized he was too much of a coward to do so. He is like another me. I kept trying to make him feel better and I would and he'd be better. But each time something happened it drove him deeper, deeper, and then I felt like it was impossible to bring him back. But I diddn't want to give up. Shortly after I got into college it seemed like everything was over for him. Work wasn't going so well, he was driving deeper into depression and drinking the days away, he sounded so dead inside. And he was running into money troubles. In some ways I felt if I met up with him maybe I could make him feel better and save him. Or maybe it's that i wanted to save myself. Maybe looking at him is really like looking at a future me. Of what I could become. If I continue the negative and lonesome path I have started years ago. And I want to prove to myself that it's never too late.
It Begins
But he was running so low on money because the trucking business is slow. Eventually we stopped talking because my phone reception was so bad. And then after I met this guy in charlotte who I was starting to fall for but did not want to admit that to him and myself. Good thing I diddn't because I would have made a big mistake if I did. But being able to think logically through a crush isn't easy.
He told me about this kid he met online. And how he was falling for him. Then he changes his phone plan for this kid, sends him money so he can come him here from africa, says he'll bareback the kid and doesn't care if he gets a disease and that they'll die together because they love each other. And that this kid emails him everyday saying how much he loves him and wants to be with him.
...And it scared the shit out of me. Dying, giving up his money, living with this kid? He just met him. What the fuck is this kid playing. He is trying to use and break my friend. It got worse. I found out recently that my friend has a brother and his brother is partnered and then that he is going to marry this kid and his brother is going to marry his partner. Even though his brother has been partnered for years.
The plan did not come the original date. The next date it was postponed for unknown reasons. Then on thursday it was postponed. No word on friday and on saturday it was found out his passport expired. I then recently talked with his brother. It first started out as his brother thinking I was cute and it would be a sexual thing. And I sort of had an attraction as well. But now that we've been talking more it's more of a friendship thing.
But on friday he saw his brother and he did not mention that kid at all and they seemed to have a good day. And the next day he told me that the kid is going to get a new passport.
Well brings us to today. The latest story is he was thinking about my friend walking and he got hit with a bicycle. And he had to go to the hospital and they put a bandage over his head. They said they need to keep him overnight. He got his passport renewed though. The doctor called my friend and told him the details.
He can leave for a flight tomorrow. And he will use delta.
I talked to his brother more today and found out his true feelings. Me, his brother, and his brother's partner are all doubting this kid. It seems to be excuse after excuse. And now my friend went out and got this kid a cellphone :/
He has 30 days to return it but will give it to him when or if he gets here.
We both want this to be true. But it sounds like such bullcrap. I've heard the poems and letters too.
Tonight i heard even more and learned more about their meetings.
There is a huge gap missing between all of this. It goes from. "Hi wats up" to
"OMG I NEED YOU SO BAD AND I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND WANT TO FEEL YOU IN MY BUTT CAUSE IT'S SO WARM AND I FEEL SO SAFE IN THERE I WAS PURPLE BEFORE BUT YOU MADE ME YELLOW AGAIN OH BABY I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU"
According to what my friend says the kid is telling him that he is a poet and writes poems alot. tonight when I was listening to some of those poems. They felt so familar. Like I have heard them before. Was he lying and did he rip the poems off someone else. But even if he did. Would that change anything? He can just says it's how he feels even if they aren't his words. So finding out if he wrote them or not makes no difference. but I have a strong feeling he doesn't.
Also according to my friend this kid lost his parents at age 16 and lived in new mexico but went to college in africa.
But those poems. These letters. They feel so familar. Like I've read them in a book before. And also. Something doesn't seem right about them. His personality completely changed. This kid became a lovestruck and desperate man. Who preyed on another desperate and broken man whose heart has hardened over the course of his life and who is afraid to open it up. If this really is the game. He found the perfect victim.
My friend has probably gone through so much shit. Just a glimmer of hope. Is something he will go the distance for no matter how false it is. Just to believe that there is some reason to live. So I can't completely blame him.
But it seems like out of nowhere.
When chatting. It was like
"Hey bro what's up man. Yeah this and that. Oh you like that I like that." To the kid going
"I wanna know all about your life, I love talking to you, I love your profile, I love you, I wanna be with you, don't leave me ever, give me money so I can come see you, we'll be together forever, I'm lost without you."
How desperate or lonely is this kid. Or how much of a sick twisted game player is he.
Could it possibly be that he is both. In love and playing a game. I am starting to wonder if he actually does love my friend. And want to believe they can be together. But is in denial. And keeps trying to push it because he wants it to be true. Even though it can't be. Or can it.
I want him to be happy. I want more then anything for him to actually smile and laugh again. Which he's been doing thanks to his brother and his brother's partner. But the false hope is with this kid. Is it really true. I know some guys will do anything to get overseas and come to america and you'll never see them.
But how fucking sick and talented is he at this. How many guys hearts are in his grasp for the money to get over here.
How many hearts will he make bleed.
Or how much hope, love, and idealism is in this kid?
There is something..just something about him. This gap. What he's said in the emails, the flight cancels, the getting hit with the bike, the being afraid he will be left, the death of parents, the doctor calling my friend, and the staying overnight in the hospital.
Between everything that my friend has been told and what he has told me or hasn't told me.
Something does not add up. I can't tell if this is dream or if it's reality. Or if it's really somewhere in between. I hate waiting. But these next few days will reveal so much.
He has only sent one picture of his face too. And his profile said 18 but he said he's really 23. The kid said he was hurt in the email by other relationships and been used.
We all have I'm sure. It's life. But still.
Or is it really the fact that I can't believe love can happen so fast. Is it the fact that I'm so fucking cynical and refuse to open my heart. Is it because I'm so skeptic.
What is it. There is something about this kid that is just making me clench my teeth trying to figure out what his game is, motives, or if he is real or not.
There is physical proof that he tried to get on a flight to america. He is trying to get over here that has been proven. But he has the money. He could have just broken off contact or said he died or something. But he seems to keep tugging at my friends heart. He called him at 3 am then 6 am in the morning too. That disrupts his work and sleep schedule but my friend ain't mad because he's in love or blind. Or maybe both.
His brother hasn't heard the kid's voice either even when he called over here. He said he remembers hearing some kind of voice on the other line. But couldn't decipher it.
Ultimately I am begining to wonder. Does this kid exist?
My friend is the only one who has contact with him. According to what his brother tells me they chat on the phone for 5 minutes then get on the computer. My friend has saved most of the emails except those two crucial ones. And some of them happened on a dating site.
Literally. He only exists to my friend. I've never heard his voice or chatted with him and neither has his brother. But he called his brother once since he knew my friend was staying over there and the kid's number appeared as "Unknown"
Is that what he really is. Unknown?
Is it even possible for him to not exist. Or am I just over thinking it. I can't get over the "I heard a voice. But I couldn't quite make out what it was. I don't know what it sounded like."
Anyone's voice you hear you can tell they sound like a person. Most of the time anyways. How can you be confused about someone's voice on the phone. How can you even doubt "What's on the other line."
Who the hell is this kid?
What sort of trap is my friend in. What will the outcome be? Is there anything me or his brother can do to stop it?
Is it going to be even worse if he actually does come to America?
Is he going to fuck, use, and infect my friend and leave?
What the hell is his true motive. If he really does love my friend. Then why does it feel so fake. Why does TO HIS OWN BROTHER. And his brother has searched for him for years, knew he was gay, and has always thought of my friend in the best way a brother can. If his brother doubts it because they are similar. I mean not doubt. But feels that something isn't right.
Then what's not right about this.
What really did start the whole "I LOVE YOU AND WE NEED TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER THING"
Can my cynical eyes not see the answer?
Then whose eyes can?
Many of my friend's online pals have warned him too and told him that it doesn't feel right.
Even when the first guy I ever had a relationship with was online and we never meet in person but fell for each other anyways because I was younger and stupid. Hell yeah people doubted it. But no one ever got a bad or unknown vibe from it. It was clear we both had wishful thinking and it wouldn't work. But that was all there was. But this kid even though I have never met him, talked to him, or heard him. Just seen his picture. He feels so unknown, familar, and the other feeling I can't describe. But it don't feel right.
Enough people think something isn't right. And it's more then just him asking for the money to see him. I know a friend who has had experience with this because his friend was unfortunate to go through it.
It's usually just "Hi. Let's get together. Send me money. I'm getting on the plane to see you."
*Contact is lost forever the minute the guy gets on the plane*
But this seems to go further and deeper then that. But it really doesn't feel like love. It doesn't feel real. At least to me. But it doesn't feel fake. It just feels unknown and not right.
Is it really the absence of existence? But wouldn't that mean fake?
What the hell is this unknown feeling this kid gives everyone who learns of him.
And what the hell will I learn over these next few days.
I just really don't know. I know that what's good for me. Is to right now stop thinking about it, drop it, and not hear of it and block it out. Or maybe stop talking to him and his brother all together. But I don't think i can. I could not stand to not know what happens with him or just give up and feel responsible for the outcome.
The minute I asked "Who's H"
I got involved. And it's way too late to get out.
Something is going to happen. But I just don't know what.
To lighten the mood. His brother said we should make a movie out of this whole thing. I agreed and said we'd make some nice money from it XD
I just want this kid ultimately to break contact with my friend so if it is game the realization isn't as painful. Instead of giving his heart more and more false love.
But damn..this is stressing me out so much. I might wake up and my hair might be completely grey.
I just want to help my friend..
But I tried once and confronted him about this and we did not speak for a while. I don't want that to happen again. And he will if I confront him. But how can I make him see this isn't real. Or how can I see that this is real. Or how can I imagine that this kid doesn't exist.
My mind is such on overload of everything right now. I feel like I'm forgetting something important even the smallest detail.
But I just don't know what the fuck to do about this except play the waiting game.
But I hope somehow that my friend ends happy. Or accepts the outcome and tries to move on. And If it's true. I wonder if I can believe that overseas relationships can really work..
Especially in this day and age.
This isn't about me. This is about a friend of mine. Someone who's real close to me. I almost think of him like a future me. And maybe that's why I really want him to be happy. So that in some way that will tell me that no matter what happens to me. In the end I'm going to be okay too.
I will also refer to the names as Me, T, J, R, and H
Since I don't think it's right for me to post their names on the internet..but then again he gave the guy his freaking address. He sure as hell ain't concerned. But anyways.
Oh I just realized I posted her two other times but that was for my benefit. But since those threads are already dead I can say that the first one I posted about my and my bf and me feeling like he tricked me into the relationship or that he is too protective is over. I broke it off with him along time ago. But we are good friends. And with the roomate thing I told him scared as hell and he was cool with it and did not tell anyone and said he diddn't. He actually got kicked out of the dorm since he never used it much. But it's resolved now and nothing backfired
But this friend of mine. What's happening to him right now. There is nothing in the world I can do.
Prologue
Damnit. Why does me thinking of him and his situation..well I should ignore that for now.
Anyways he is a guy I met on Gay.com a while back. Probably a little after I was done with my ex. I think this was..maybe a month or two after. I think it was definately when i was still in my hook up phase. But anyways he looked cute in his profile picture so I messaged him and we got to talking alot and eventually on YIM and eventually on phone.
And then we would talk about meeting but the license that I did not posses was the obstacle. He seemed pretty down when I failed to get it. While sex was one thing we both wanted. I really wanted to see him in person as well and chat with him. Odd as it sounds.
Anyways. We have been good friends for a while. We have fought on numerous occasions and I have brought 2 or 3 problems I was going through with him and I couldn't calm myself down so that's usually what started the fighting. But as i've learned recently is he is stubborn and will shut people out when he can't take it anymore. Unfortunately.
He talks to younger guys all the time. Some sexually and some non sexually. When I first talked to him he seemed like a sensible and reasonable man. But after each quarrel or other things that probably happened in his life. He seemed to drive deeper into depression. Hearing him the way he used to sound on the phone made me cry. Because we are so much alike. He has gone through everything that i have pretty much gone through but it has progressed from the army to where he is now. It never stopped for him. He hardened a little. His heart. He was afraid to open his heart. And hearing him give up and tell me how he doesn't care about living just killed me.
Because for some reason my hope for the future is him. Or more like. What I don't want to be is him. I don't want to be depressed and miserable like him. But I sort of admire how he is still able to stand. Like me he has attempted suicide too but realized he was too much of a coward to do so. He is like another me. I kept trying to make him feel better and I would and he'd be better. But each time something happened it drove him deeper, deeper, and then I felt like it was impossible to bring him back. But I diddn't want to give up. Shortly after I got into college it seemed like everything was over for him. Work wasn't going so well, he was driving deeper into depression and drinking the days away, he sounded so dead inside. And he was running into money troubles. In some ways I felt if I met up with him maybe I could make him feel better and save him. Or maybe it's that i wanted to save myself. Maybe looking at him is really like looking at a future me. Of what I could become. If I continue the negative and lonesome path I have started years ago. And I want to prove to myself that it's never too late.
It Begins
But he was running so low on money because the trucking business is slow. Eventually we stopped talking because my phone reception was so bad. And then after I met this guy in charlotte who I was starting to fall for but did not want to admit that to him and myself. Good thing I diddn't because I would have made a big mistake if I did. But being able to think logically through a crush isn't easy.
He told me about this kid he met online. And how he was falling for him. Then he changes his phone plan for this kid, sends him money so he can come him here from africa, says he'll bareback the kid and doesn't care if he gets a disease and that they'll die together because they love each other. And that this kid emails him everyday saying how much he loves him and wants to be with him.
...And it scared the shit out of me. Dying, giving up his money, living with this kid? He just met him. What the fuck is this kid playing. He is trying to use and break my friend. It got worse. I found out recently that my friend has a brother and his brother is partnered and then that he is going to marry this kid and his brother is going to marry his partner. Even though his brother has been partnered for years.
The plan did not come the original date. The next date it was postponed for unknown reasons. Then on thursday it was postponed. No word on friday and on saturday it was found out his passport expired. I then recently talked with his brother. It first started out as his brother thinking I was cute and it would be a sexual thing. And I sort of had an attraction as well. But now that we've been talking more it's more of a friendship thing.
But on friday he saw his brother and he did not mention that kid at all and they seemed to have a good day. And the next day he told me that the kid is going to get a new passport.
Well brings us to today. The latest story is he was thinking about my friend walking and he got hit with a bicycle. And he had to go to the hospital and they put a bandage over his head. They said they need to keep him overnight. He got his passport renewed though. The doctor called my friend and told him the details.
He can leave for a flight tomorrow. And he will use delta.
I talked to his brother more today and found out his true feelings. Me, his brother, and his brother's partner are all doubting this kid. It seems to be excuse after excuse. And now my friend went out and got this kid a cellphone :/
He has 30 days to return it but will give it to him when or if he gets here.
We both want this to be true. But it sounds like such bullcrap. I've heard the poems and letters too.
Tonight i heard even more and learned more about their meetings.
There is a huge gap missing between all of this. It goes from. "Hi wats up" to
"OMG I NEED YOU SO BAD AND I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND WANT TO FEEL YOU IN MY BUTT CAUSE IT'S SO WARM AND I FEEL SO SAFE IN THERE I WAS PURPLE BEFORE BUT YOU MADE ME YELLOW AGAIN OH BABY I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU"
According to what my friend says the kid is telling him that he is a poet and writes poems alot. tonight when I was listening to some of those poems. They felt so familar. Like I have heard them before. Was he lying and did he rip the poems off someone else. But even if he did. Would that change anything? He can just says it's how he feels even if they aren't his words. So finding out if he wrote them or not makes no difference. but I have a strong feeling he doesn't.
Also according to my friend this kid lost his parents at age 16 and lived in new mexico but went to college in africa.
But those poems. These letters. They feel so familar. Like I've read them in a book before. And also. Something doesn't seem right about them. His personality completely changed. This kid became a lovestruck and desperate man. Who preyed on another desperate and broken man whose heart has hardened over the course of his life and who is afraid to open it up. If this really is the game. He found the perfect victim.
My friend has probably gone through so much shit. Just a glimmer of hope. Is something he will go the distance for no matter how false it is. Just to believe that there is some reason to live. So I can't completely blame him.
But it seems like out of nowhere.
When chatting. It was like
"Hey bro what's up man. Yeah this and that. Oh you like that I like that." To the kid going
"I wanna know all about your life, I love talking to you, I love your profile, I love you, I wanna be with you, don't leave me ever, give me money so I can come see you, we'll be together forever, I'm lost without you."
How desperate or lonely is this kid. Or how much of a sick twisted game player is he.
Could it possibly be that he is both. In love and playing a game. I am starting to wonder if he actually does love my friend. And want to believe they can be together. But is in denial. And keeps trying to push it because he wants it to be true. Even though it can't be. Or can it.
I want him to be happy. I want more then anything for him to actually smile and laugh again. Which he's been doing thanks to his brother and his brother's partner. But the false hope is with this kid. Is it really true. I know some guys will do anything to get overseas and come to america and you'll never see them.
But how fucking sick and talented is he at this. How many guys hearts are in his grasp for the money to get over here.
How many hearts will he make bleed.
Or how much hope, love, and idealism is in this kid?
There is something..just something about him. This gap. What he's said in the emails, the flight cancels, the getting hit with the bike, the being afraid he will be left, the death of parents, the doctor calling my friend, and the staying overnight in the hospital.
Between everything that my friend has been told and what he has told me or hasn't told me.
Something does not add up. I can't tell if this is dream or if it's reality. Or if it's really somewhere in between. I hate waiting. But these next few days will reveal so much.
He has only sent one picture of his face too. And his profile said 18 but he said he's really 23. The kid said he was hurt in the email by other relationships and been used.
We all have I'm sure. It's life. But still.
Or is it really the fact that I can't believe love can happen so fast. Is it the fact that I'm so fucking cynical and refuse to open my heart. Is it because I'm so skeptic.
What is it. There is something about this kid that is just making me clench my teeth trying to figure out what his game is, motives, or if he is real or not.
There is physical proof that he tried to get on a flight to america. He is trying to get over here that has been proven. But he has the money. He could have just broken off contact or said he died or something. But he seems to keep tugging at my friends heart. He called him at 3 am then 6 am in the morning too. That disrupts his work and sleep schedule but my friend ain't mad because he's in love or blind. Or maybe both.
His brother hasn't heard the kid's voice either even when he called over here. He said he remembers hearing some kind of voice on the other line. But couldn't decipher it.
Ultimately I am begining to wonder. Does this kid exist?
My friend is the only one who has contact with him. According to what his brother tells me they chat on the phone for 5 minutes then get on the computer. My friend has saved most of the emails except those two crucial ones. And some of them happened on a dating site.
Literally. He only exists to my friend. I've never heard his voice or chatted with him and neither has his brother. But he called his brother once since he knew my friend was staying over there and the kid's number appeared as "Unknown"
Is that what he really is. Unknown?
Is it even possible for him to not exist. Or am I just over thinking it. I can't get over the "I heard a voice. But I couldn't quite make out what it was. I don't know what it sounded like."
Anyone's voice you hear you can tell they sound like a person. Most of the time anyways. How can you be confused about someone's voice on the phone. How can you even doubt "What's on the other line."
Who the hell is this kid?
What sort of trap is my friend in. What will the outcome be? Is there anything me or his brother can do to stop it?
Is it going to be even worse if he actually does come to America?
Is he going to fuck, use, and infect my friend and leave?
What the hell is his true motive. If he really does love my friend. Then why does it feel so fake. Why does TO HIS OWN BROTHER. And his brother has searched for him for years, knew he was gay, and has always thought of my friend in the best way a brother can. If his brother doubts it because they are similar. I mean not doubt. But feels that something isn't right.
Then what's not right about this.
What really did start the whole "I LOVE YOU AND WE NEED TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER THING"
Can my cynical eyes not see the answer?
Then whose eyes can?
Many of my friend's online pals have warned him too and told him that it doesn't feel right.
Even when the first guy I ever had a relationship with was online and we never meet in person but fell for each other anyways because I was younger and stupid. Hell yeah people doubted it. But no one ever got a bad or unknown vibe from it. It was clear we both had wishful thinking and it wouldn't work. But that was all there was. But this kid even though I have never met him, talked to him, or heard him. Just seen his picture. He feels so unknown, familar, and the other feeling I can't describe. But it don't feel right.
Enough people think something isn't right. And it's more then just him asking for the money to see him. I know a friend who has had experience with this because his friend was unfortunate to go through it.
It's usually just "Hi. Let's get together. Send me money. I'm getting on the plane to see you."
*Contact is lost forever the minute the guy gets on the plane*
But this seems to go further and deeper then that. But it really doesn't feel like love. It doesn't feel real. At least to me. But it doesn't feel fake. It just feels unknown and not right.
Is it really the absence of existence? But wouldn't that mean fake?
What the hell is this unknown feeling this kid gives everyone who learns of him.
And what the hell will I learn over these next few days.
I just really don't know. I know that what's good for me. Is to right now stop thinking about it, drop it, and not hear of it and block it out. Or maybe stop talking to him and his brother all together. But I don't think i can. I could not stand to not know what happens with him or just give up and feel responsible for the outcome.
The minute I asked "Who's H"
I got involved. And it's way too late to get out.
Something is going to happen. But I just don't know what.
To lighten the mood. His brother said we should make a movie out of this whole thing. I agreed and said we'd make some nice money from it XD
I just want this kid ultimately to break contact with my friend so if it is game the realization isn't as painful. Instead of giving his heart more and more false love.
But damn..this is stressing me out so much. I might wake up and my hair might be completely grey.
I just want to help my friend..
But I tried once and confronted him about this and we did not speak for a while. I don't want that to happen again. And he will if I confront him. But how can I make him see this isn't real. Or how can I see that this is real. Or how can I imagine that this kid doesn't exist.
My mind is such on overload of everything right now. I feel like I'm forgetting something important even the smallest detail.
But I just don't know what the fuck to do about this except play the waiting game.
But I hope somehow that my friend ends happy. Or accepts the outcome and tries to move on. And If it's true. I wonder if I can believe that overseas relationships can really work..
Especially in this day and age.
"