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albar05

albar05

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Hey guys...

Just wanted to get people's views on what impact these online forums etc have on a relationship.

I am having a really hard time dealing with the notion that people feel , while in a relationship, that it is ok to flirt , tell people they are hot, sexy , fit, or whatever and chat away on these forums and claim not to be cheating on the person they so call love.

Obviously not CHEATING in the physical sense, but surely , flirting and telling people they are sexy and hot and whatever is just the same really.

I for one , do not feel that in a relationship i would be happy to read that my b/f is telling someone else , Gee man your damn hot! , or your so sexy man!! ... maybe i am insecure within myself, but i just feel that those types of comments should be reserved for the people who you are having an intimate relationship with .

Sure if your single , its a wonderful thing to be on chat rooms etc and flirt and whatever, but doe people in this day and age, take things too far when in a relationship by THINKING this is harmless.

I know that if i saw a message to sometime from my b/f , flirting and stuff, it would be so hurtful , and i would feel betrayed in some way.

What are your thoughts........ :O)

Don;t be too harsh, its only a thread guys...lol
 
i think saying someone is good looking, fit, handsome, or cute or whatever is completly harmless. At the end of the day everyone has a freedom of speech and should be allowed to say how the feel about someone even if they don't mean it.
 
When I first found out my bf was doing that with one French guy I tottaly freaked out... I find it strange as well, but on the other hand, this is what the technology brought us (I am not saying that I approve this, but on the other hand: it`s still better to chat over the net than going to the pub or a club and flirting there). I believe that we all are a bit afraid to really trust everything to someone we see every day (even our best friends), because we are afraid of being judged... and that we enjoy the anonymity of the web, where you can say, write anything we wish (for instance: like our twisted wish in sex we know the partner would not approve or someting else)... I do believe trust in the most important thing in a relation, but sometimes we like to keep some thing to ourselves

So I came to conclusion that it`s not that much of a problem if I` not neglected because of it and it doesn`t happen to often... although at first I was most worried and kind of angry about it.
 
Yea my partner doesn't care as long as I'm not screwing around on him without him or showing people online nude pics of myself. Actually every once in awhile my bf or myself will masterbate to other peoples web cams online, we're just close enough to know that its just j/o.
 
Ok, yes i agree, freedom of speech is a wonderful thing, but if you know that your b/f does not like you doing this, is it then more important to flirt then respect thier feelings ?

Sometimes hurting someones feelings is more distructful for the relationship then having abit of fun on the net!!

If both of you enjoy flirting and being on cam , and you both understand that the other is doing it and stuff then ok , as long as you are both aware of the situation and have faith that things will not get out of hand.

I feel that my body is for my b/f only and i personally do not cam with others, its for my man and no one else!! lol

Lucky boy metroguy!!
 
as long as my (theoretical) bf doesn't show his cock i don't care... hell if i was with him (theoretically) i'd prolly do a show on cam with him...

its only natural for people to find other people attractive.. just because your in a relationship doesn't mean your the only good looking person in the world to your bf.... as long as he knows where to draw the line
 
Hey albar,

I understand what you mean...cause I feel the same and yet in a way I dont know why...

I think its the intent of the activity thats important... I know that it can feel an awful lot like cheating if your partner is using it for kicks and to get his rocks off...its like you feel that maybe you aren't good enough...why is there a need to get your appetite away even though you eat at home sort of thing....

To me its about respect for your partner as much as anything...if one is uncomfortable with it then thats the end of the story. Like you said its about feelings and emotions and being hurt or causing doubt. Those arnt the things good relationships are built on...

I guess mate like all things its about honesty and the strength to tell each other how you feel about things...

But I for one mate admire your morals and your values... they're a great sign of the compassion and empathy that you feel...that you can understand the hurt that you feel and that it may also hurt others...be proud of your integrity mate...and hopefully your b/f is too!
 
THANK U so much Tallguy..... your message has made me have faith in society again...

I know in this day and age, then internet is the place to flirt / meet and basically get away with all sort without the committment, but in a relationship, this is NOT the place to be, your with someone coz you love them and surely you go to them to do those things... ?? if they do not do it for you , dump them and move on, don;t keep them hanging on and give them half of you , while giving random others the other half.

I love and care about my b/f , more then he truly realises and for me , i want him to come to me, and me only , if he needs anything, i can flirt , and be dirty with the best of them , and i am not afraid to show this to him... i want to give this to him not anyone else... i hope he truly sees this on a daily basis...

Thanks again... Al x
 
If it's open, honest and just a bit of fun, what's the harm. If it's furtive then that's a different matter.
 
It's ridiculous to expect that simply because you're in a relationship that that somehow stops you finding other people attractive. It's also unrealistic to suppose that once a relationship is underway that suddenly neither of you can pursue individual interests that you followed before the relationship began.

Commitment in a relationship is signalled by a willingness to forego old behaviours when a little thought suggests they might be painful to your partner or threatening to the relationship.

You need to go into a relationship with a credit of trust - like money in the bank. That makes it inappropriate to snoop on a partner's private time with the expectation of catching him out in an indiscretion. Lack of trust can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. However, it's pointless being a damned fool about it. If your partner avoids one-on-one time with you in order to flirt with other men then the credit of trust in the emotional bank account will be quickly exhausted. Relationships without trust don't last long.
 
When I was in a relationship we'd check out hot guys together. I find that it's a lot of fun.
 
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