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Cheap Boyfriend

C

cyri22

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Hi Guys,

After years of believing that I was destine to be single and end up being a "Bridget Jones", out of nowhere, I finally meet a guy that I feel is the one.

We clicked the first time we met and have been seeing each other for a couple of months and everything has been going fine except for one thing. The majority of the times that we go out to dine, I'm stuck with paying the bill, which lately this has been annoying me greatly, and even some times avoid going out to dine because of this fact. I hate having to make up excuses as to why I can't make it that I feel like ending the relationship without tell him the reason why.

I would like advice on how I approach the matter as I don't want to come across as petty, as everything else is fine, but don't wish to be used as a meal ticket either.

Cheers,

Seb.
 
Some very blunt advice if you want to have this relationship last:
  • Communicate with your boyfriend honestly (but without accusation or vindictiveness). This is bugging you for whatever reason. Tell him that it is bugging you. But beware of any sentence that starts with the word "You" (e.g. "You are cheap", "You never pay for dinner")- those aren't communication, they're accusation. Instead say something like, "I want to talk to you about something. I really enjoy going out with you but it bothers me that I have to say 'no' sometimes because I end up paying. I want this to be an equal relationship and for it to be equal, we both should be contributing to the cost of the date".
  • Pick your battles. There's nothing worse than fighting over petty shit. So, how important is this really? Step back and look at this objectively. Is he the one that changes the sheets and makes the bed? Is the one that gets up on a cold morning to make breakfast for both of you? Is he the one that you can count on when you need someone to be there for you?

    Or is this thing about paying for dinner really just a proxy for what's really bugging you about the relationship- maybe that you don't feel like he's contributing 50%-50% to the big picture?
 
hi Seb,

I am pleased to read that you have found a nice guy with whom you are dating. You don't provide us with much details about the relationship between you and him (eg, do you consider each other as boyfriends of each other, do you also visit each other at home), and you also don't provide us with information about the age of both of you and of other relevant background information (like job, being a student or what so ever). Are both of you living nearby each other?

You don't need to provide these details to us, but they might help for a more precise reply.

I underline the advise of both other posts that you should discuss this with him, but in an open way. I tend to think that discussion this kinds of items with a guy is just part of a sound relation you want to have with a guy.

By the way, are both of you open?

Best wishes, and feel free to ask for more questions.
 
How are you being "stuck" with paying the bill? When the check came, did he say, "Hey, I'm a great catch as you know. You're very lucky to have me. You should pay for my meal every time we go out."?

The next time when planning with him to go out to dinner and you want him to pay his part, tell him "Let's go dutch." And when the bill arrives on the table, as a reminder, say, "Let's split the bill." Do this every time, and he'll get the point. When you want to pay for his dinner, say, "This time, it is my treat."
 
Hi All,

I just though that I would give a little more insight. No, we are not college students. We are 41 & 42 respectively and both have good jobs. At this stage we don't live together and when we go out there never seems to be a offer to spilt the bill.

I guess like most of my friends are saying, we need to have a good talk, but I don't wan't to petty and jeopordize something that is otherwise fine.

Thanks for the advice so far.

Cheers

Seb.
 
^ You don't need to wait for him to offer to split the bill.

If you want to split the bill, you tell him. If he comes up with an excuse not wanting to pay, then say, "No worries, I'm picking this one up. you'll pay for mine the next time." This is not a question for him to answer. This is a statement and re-setting the expectations on this part of your relationship.
 
Yeah, it does sound like he's cheap. Do you know if he's in debt or anything like that?
 
Some people are cheap. Some people think because they're providing the transportation or the nightcap things are even. All subjects ought to be on the table in any relationship. Next time the subject of going out to dinner comes up just ask him with what he's more comfortable, picking up the bill every other time or splitting it each time.
 
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