cheated on with ex

[ProfessorD]

he said it would never happen again. but hes being very sneaky with his cell phone, taking it into the bathroom, hiding it while we sleep, strange things. hes making it very difficult for me to trust him again. and once again ive never loved or wanted to be with someone this much, so understand its taking every fiber of my body to get past this.

Well...I'm not sure what "the" answer is, because only you can figure that out. However...

If he's saying one thing and doing another-hiding things from you-it doesn't look good. He may be telling the truth, but he also might be trying to have his cake and eat it, too. He could be seeing both you and his ex. That is the mark of true immaturity. Or just guys in general.

Obviously, if a guy is afraid that he might hit you, that's never a good thing. If he's violent, drop him fast before it's too late.

I feel for you so much because I've been with liars and users before. They only stop when you declare that you've had enough. Not even then sometimes. With those toxic fools, you just have to move on (easier said than done when you are obsessed/head over heels). Bad people rarely change. But it is possible.

I hope that your man is telling you the truth. I personally believe that people deserve second chances-but not three, four and five. Don't allow that to happen to you. You'll just experience heart-wrenching turmoil.

Peace.

 

[Seasoned]

A lot of relationships begin because one or both partners are on the rebound. That might have been the case for him. Also some people seem to want to always be the the excitement stage of a relationship. You are well on your way to codependency if you need to hover over him to keep him faithful and sneak behind his back to find things out. Be upfront with someone when you have or think you have information. Don't play games by asking loaded questions. What role does alcohol or other drugs play into all of this? Bottom line, the only person you can control is yourself. You have a lot of work to do on you. Good luck.

 

[rareboy]

Your relationship is over.

He's lying. You've caught him in it.

Neither of you are mature enough for a relationship yet, apparently.

Next time around, don't lay traps.

Don't fight like diva queens when you've had a few drinks.

And if you are going to forgive, you have to be prepared to forget.

 

[NineOfClubs]

Your relationship is over.

He's lying. You've caught him in it.

Neither of you are mature enough for a relationship yet, apparently.

Next time around, don't lay traps.

Don't fight like diva queens when you've had a few drinks.

And if you are going to forgive, you have to be prepared to forget.

Truer words have never been spoken.

It might be a bit too early for both of you to be in a serious relationship.....

 

[KaraBulut]

There are so many red flags here.

The drinking.

The potential for violence.

The compulsion to go to a bar.

The lies.

The lack of trust.


None of these things would be a reason to end a relationship. Put them all together in a package and you would be better off apart... or in therapy.

 

[huhu123]

Your relationship is over.

He's lying. You've caught him in it.

Neither of you are mature enough for a relationship yet, apparently.

Next time around, don't lay traps.

Don't fight like diva queens when you've had a few drinks.

And if you are going to forgive, you have to be prepared to forget.

You'd expect nothing but perfection from someone who posts something like that.

Cause saying such obvious things is easy, I guess even the thread maker knows all that, I think what he wants is help in REAL life.

Anyway, just my opinion.

 

[slickery]

First off, he left his facebook logged in. That's not the problem. The problem is you snooped around!

THIS is the reason why he's being more sneaky, it's not that you don't trust him anymore, it's that he doesn't trust you. Hence why he is being sneaky and making sure he has his phone on him all the time. You broke a bond of trust with him, just as he broke one with you.

I've been with my current boyfriend for going on 6 months now and I would NEVER invade his space by going through his phone, or reading his peronal messaes whether they be email or facebook.

Something like this is going to be hard to get past.

If you really like him, you're going to have to work past this, how I don't know. You both are going to have to gain each others trust back. The fact that he had a slip up with his ex is a decision he has made. You forced an answer out of him knowing full well how you would react. Wrong move. H ehsould've told you but on his own terms. And you broke a very sacred bond of trust by snooping around his personal messages.

Take a time out, a week or so with no communication. Do your own things. If in the end the both of you decide you want to be with each other, lay out ground rules and follow them. The fact that you snooped means you didn't trust him in the first place.

 

[billybob109]

Im sorry but he had every right to know what he said on his Facebook. Im glad he caught the lies now instead of wasting another year with him. Also if the relationship is serious i think it should be okay to go through someones phone what does the other person have to hide?

First off, he left his facebook logged in. That's not the problem. The problem is you snooped around!

THIS is the reason why he's being more sneaky, it's not that you don't trust him anymore, it's that he doesn't trust you. Hence why he is being sneaky and making sure he has his phone on him all the time. You broke a bond of trust with him, just as he broke one with you.

I've been with my current boyfriend for going on 6 months now and I would NEVER invade his space by going through his phone, or reading his peronal messaes whether they be email or facebook.

Something like this is going to be hard to get past.

If you really like him, you're going to have to work past this, how I don't know. You both are going to have to gain each others trust back. The fact that he had a slip up with his ex is a decision he has made. You forced an answer out of him knowing full well how you would react. Wrong move. H ehsould've told you but on his own terms. And you broke a very sacred bond of trust by snooping around his personal messages.

Take a time out, a week or so with no communication. Do your own things. If in the end the both of you decide you want to be with each other, lay out ground rules and follow them. The fact that you snooped means you didn't trust him in the first place.

 

[slickery]

I'm sorry but he had no right to snoop around his facebook. And he has no right to go through his phone. It's an invasion of privacy. Things can easily be taken out of context. Do you want your boyfriend going through all your personal stuff? I sure don't want mine going through my stuff. Granted I don't believe I have anything to hide, I just don't want him knowing ALL of my business.

People need separation as much as they need to be together. 5 months is not nearly enough to be completely codependent to the fact that they share EVERYTHING. At 5 months many people are still working through the relationship, evaluating the other person they are with. No one should have to give up their separate personal life in a relationship, especially only 5 months months.

 

[Attack]

Facebook is just bad for relationships...

About you two. Well, you both sorta broke the mutual trust. He lied and kissed on his EX and you dug through his personal stuff without any reason to suspect anything in the morning.

The cell phone hiding thing speaks for its self. You hide what you dont want others to see. Privacy is important in relationships. Openness is even more important.

Communication is key. Dont hide away the problems in your relationship thinking itll all go away. That will make it worse. Bring it into the open and settle the matter with civility and respect. Tell him your worries and fears. If he cares about you he'll understand.