Classic friend situation

[Bittersweet]

I'm in love with my best friend!

(First time posting)

I've been friends with this guy for about 2 years. We are almost inseparable. Very similar likes and interests, but enough differences to be compatible.
He says he is straight, but actions speak louder than words, right?

For example, we love going to the city to watch movies together, eat in nice restaurants, visit museums, and we talk on the phone at least an hour a day. Seems like "normal" couple routines. As time progressed he even got a little touchy with me.

I have never thought about a guy like this until I met him. The way he makes me feel special, wanted and interesting. I could NEVER bring myself to risk severing the friendship we have but recently I am totally depressed. Every time I am around him my thoughts are elsewhere, fantasizing on how to convert him (haha).

Its generated more debate than the chicken and the egg!
1- tell him how I feel= rejection, humiliation, shame, no longer friends
2- tell him how I feel= embrace, willing to at least try if skeptical

As I said above, I've never been with a guy so there's no guarantee I'm gay or bi or whatever (don't believe in labels). I honestly do feel that he does care for me but is wayyyy too afraid to cross the line.

I know there are similar, if not identical stories out there. Give me some feedback

 

[Rand]

Hey, Bittersweet, glad that you are posting. Hope you enjoy the conversation along with everything else.

It is too easy to fall in love with a best friend, as they are the only ones we feel truly comfortable with. Having a good friend is such a treasure and the emotional investment a "lonely" man puts into the relationship generates this feeling. I think the love is true, it is how you want to express it and whether that expression is acceptable to him.

You mentioned at times he gets "touchy" - do you? Have you ever given him a hug when you met? It might allow some conversation to be generated so that you know better his feelings.

Since you really don't know what you want, going slowly seems a great idea. Having some limited physical interaction such as hugs or even a back / shoulder massage might do wonders for you both or at least let you explore the waters in the shallow end!

Best of luck - do celebrate your life

Rand

 

[KaraBulut]

I have never thought about a guy like this until I met him. The way he makes me feel special, wanted and interesting.

That is what good friends should do for you.

I could NEVER bring myself to risk severing the friendship we have but recently I am totally depressed. Every time I am around him my thoughts are elsewhere, fantasizing on how to convert him (haha).

The awakening is in you. He was just the catalyst.

If he says he's straight, then you should respect that boundary and preserve the friendship.

Think of it this way- if you were a straight female and you developed a crush on a female friend, would it be okay for you to "convert" her just because you had a crush?

Deal with your issues. Don't make them your friend's issue.

 

[Bittersweet]

Its so complicated. He even says he wishes one of us were female...

Urrggg why can't there be a re-do button for 'just-in-case' situations??

 

[ArmorFallingDown]

Hey don't feel bad! I have a friend who I talk to for hours on the phone and it goes as far as talking about erections and stuff sometimes lol. He always tells me how inspired he is when he speaks to me and how good I make him feel. I think you have a very brotherly bond there. HOWEVER, him saying that he wishes one of you were female tells me that he is quite curious, yet is held back by societal constraints. But honestly, I think you found a good, friendly soul mate. Nothing sexual, just someone you mesh with very well. Good luck!

 

[Seasoned]

Let's concentrate on you. This relationship is tipping over time to where you are increasingly frustrated as you fantasize about something you're not willing to talk about.

I read comments all the time here about guys not interested or not believing in labels. I think that in itself causes problems because people might expect things to "just happen" by magic without any consequences.

Anyone is free to do as they please, but identifying as something gives you a road map, so to speak.

Do you guys talk about sex? Have either of you had sex with anyone?

If you're truly a free thinker there ought to be a way for you to explore the topic of human sexuality with your friend. It's not healthy for you to have these secret longings. It's got to be torture if you are consumed with sexual feelings that have no outlet.

I don't think you'd lose the friendship by being honest. The issue is that you'd lose the high you're getting from the fantasy if he were to say, "Whoa buddy. I'm cool with that, but it's not going to be happening with me."

 

[BiBlackMan]

Been there. It hurt so much to realize I couldn't be with him physically or emotionally, or as close to him as his wife. It hurt like hell and deepened my already pervasive depression. All the fantasies, thoughts and masturbation thinking about him did more damage to my self esteem and self image than you can imagine. It actually got to the point that I was jealous and angry with his wife, despite she also being a good friend of mine.

The rest of the story and the outcome is unimportant. Just know that I've been there and that my advice is to refocus your feelings and attention to someone who shares your attraction and is available to you. Anything else is too fraught with disappointment, shame, alienation and the possibility of losing a friend. Find a way to move on.