Co-workers questioning my personal life

[olderbetter66]

Yeah, get used to it........people just flat out ask me.....lol

 

[Snickers52]

It sounds like they are "feeling you out" so to speak. I have counceled some friends over the years when they have been subjected to this type of intrusive activity by coworkers that the best thing to do is simply let people know that you are there to work, not to discuss your personal life. A good comeback is "surely we can find something more interesting to discuss than my personal life". That always seems to let the person know they have crossed the line and not to do it again. As far as the lingerie catalog is concerned, that is totally innapropriate material for any manager to be bringing into the office. I would have simply told him that I had too much work to do to look at underwear at work and walked away.

It's a little difficult to adequately advise you how to handle things as I don't know what the company atmosphere is there or what type of relationship you have with your superiors. Do any of your superiors know you are gay? If so I would go to them and advise them of the situation and let them know you don't like being questioned about your life outside the office.

The division of my company that I am in charge of is comprised of over 200 people. I let everyone know from day one that what happens outside the office with each and every one of them is no one else's business and they must be very careful how they discuss each other's private lives amongst themselves. This type of questioning can open the company up to serious problems legally and I am always on the alert for any sign of intrusive interaction between associates.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

I would not worry too much about their thoughts...

I would nip their curiosity in the bud. What gives them any right to ask personal questions?

So far, just one single guy tried this on me. Actually, we are good friends and I do like him as a friend and I admire his performance at work, too.

So, when he strated 'crossing the line', I told him: 'Look, you are simply too old and too chubby for my taste, so do not worry, I am not interested in the least.'

I still laugh, when I remember the expression on his face... It was worth a million.

SC

 

[Croynan]

It sounds like they are "feeling you out" so to speak. I have counceled some friends over the years when they have been subjected to this type of intrusive activity by coworkers that the best thing to do is simply let people know that you are there to work, not to discuss your personal life. A good comeback is "surely we can find something more interesting to discuss than my personal life". That always seems to let the person know they have crossed the line and not to do it again. As far as the lingerie catalog is concerned, that is totally innapropriate material for any manager to be bringing into the office. I would have simply told him that I had too much work to do to look at underwear at work and walked away.

It's a little difficult to adequately advise you how to handle things as I don't know what the company atmosphere is there or what type of relationship you have with your superiors. Do any of your superiors know you are gay? If so I would go to them and advise them of the situation and let them know you don't like being questioned about your life outside the office.

The division of my company that I am in charge of is comprised of over 200 people. I let everyone know from day one that what happens outside the office with each and every one of them is no one else's business and they must be very careful how they discuss each other's private lives amongst themselves. This type of questioning can open the company up to serious problems legally and I am always on the alert for any sign of intrusive interaction between associates.

OUTSTANDING POSTING - INTELLIGENT, DIRECT, HONEST AND RESPECTFUL OF THE RIGHTS OF ALL EMPLOYEES.

(note, not shouting, just trying to make a point.)



eM.

 

[eddielee]

I'd have fun with them. Bring in a catalog with dogs in it and pretend the pictures turn you on. "Damn, look at that Spaniel's ass!"

 

[trawler69]

I choose not to come out to most people at work as it is none of their buissiness but if asked directly by someone I have time for I'll say yes. In normal "getting to know you banter when asked if I'm married or have a girlfriend I just say "No I have enough trouble living with myself, never mind anyone else" Which is true!

Often when asked directly "are you Gay?" my answer is "Don't worry you are not my type." That tells them directly and puts their mind at rest in one sentence.

I remember a lovely phrase someone used to me to tell me they liked me but were straight, he said "If I was Gay I would fancy you." brilliant. You can also use it with women who come on to you by saying "If I was straight I would fancy you"

Anyway that's how I deal with it.

 

[Tongue_Me]

Tell them to mind their own fucking business.

 

[notsoordinary]

First of all I don't work (student) so I wouldn't know what these things can turn out to be and such, but if someone at work asks about your personal life, just making conversation, why not just tell them you're gay? I understand why some people wouldn't want to have it go around at work or simply because you don't like them/this person and your personal life is none of his/her/their business, but for the other co-workers who're nice/ok and just making conversation, why not just tell them I'm gay and that's it? Afraid of getting fired or just afraid of being treated differently?

 

[irish1]

I have had only one colleague ask me if I was gay (I do not share my personal life with many of my coworkers).

I was stunned that he asked me such a personal question (our compnay is also very strict regarding personal prying), and I asked him why he wanted to know; I never answered him directly.

While speaking with a colleague/friend (who is in a committed relationship with her female partner), she encouraged me to go to H.R. with a complaint. I advised her that I would do so if he asked me again, as the man in question is new to the company, and I do not want to jeopardise his career.

It seems that many people in business feel they have a "right" to get to know their co-workers better.

I would rather they concentrate on their job performance, while keeping a friendly atmosphere.

 

[star-warrior]

Solution

Girls : Currently you've got a case of the clap after having your first experience a few months ago, and the clap was not what you expected. So, it wasn't by choice.

Lingerie : say that David Beckham is a pervert, and that's all you can think about when you see them hence you closed the book before puking up.

Hair : short hair dries easier, and takes less time to wash, and saves water and natural resources.

 

[doctorsun]

It doesn't really sound to be like they're asking if you're gay. I think they're just making conversation. Don't worry about it.

 

[1st love ron]

It's none of their business, period.

Some of my examples:

One guy at work asked me if I was a homosexual. I answered back "Fuck you." He wasn't expecting that as I was mild mannered up to that point. He stammered that he was "only joking."

Then there are the gossipy old bitches at work. I've been asked if I was married and do I have kids. I just decided to fuck with their minds and I tell them that I am divorced and have a couple of kids (all untrue). They didn't know what to think anymore, but they still weren't satisfied with my answer. I just finally asked them "What business of yours is my personal life?"

I've also used the line: "I don't ask about your personal life so don't ask about mine."

WTF...I am just amazed that people feel the need to know if you are gay.

 

[Paws]

[...]the best thing to do is simply let people know that you are there to work, not to discuss your personal life. A good comeback is "surely we can find something more interesting to discuss than my personal life". [...] As far as the lingerie catalog is concerned, that is totally innapropriate material for any manager to be bringing into the office. I would have simply told him that I had too much work to do to look at underwear at work and walked away.[...]

^ All these points are obvious ones to tell them you're gay.

Straight people DO talk about private life at work, they talk about their wife/husband, about kids and joke about sexuality. Saying that you "don't want to discuss this" shows that you are gay, because when straight people hear that, the first thing they think of is that you're gay. They're not going to think you're a pervert into scat with women and therefore don't want to discuss that further. I had something similar like the lingerie thing done to me and it's a definite way to know if someone's gay or a nerdy asexual virgin. In both cases (gay/asexual or whatever strange behaviour), if the coworkers approach your privacy that way, you won't be taken serious or will be the exclusive gay coworker of the company that everybody is picking on, except you find someone else who's gay there that way.

I'd have fun with them. Bring in a catalog with dogs in it and pretend the pictures turn you on. "Damn, look at that Spaniel's ass!"

LOL

 

[JakeBequette]

Yeah, get used to it........people just flat out ask me.....lol

One person has asked me flat out - I stood there for a second and thought "rude bitch" then I thought "oh well why not" and answered yes.​

 

[smelter]

Rather than tell them its none of their business, try this:

"You know, if you don't ask about my personal life, I won't ever have to lie to you."

Some will then ask, "What do you mean by that?" ....... to which you simply reply:

"Figure it out and get back to me later, I have work to do!"