College Student Interview..Comming Out Process

[kramer362]

1. How do you identify yourself? Are you gay, lesbian or bisexual?

Gay

2. What is your age?

22

Thinking back on your adolescence…..

3. At what age did you begin to “feel different” than the other children?

I felt 'normal' until about 17 or 18 when my friends started actively pursuing women and I had no desire to. I was watching gay porn since like 14 and assumed most guys did and just didn't talk about it. I had myself convinced I liked girls, and I was athletic so I couldn't be gay!

4. At what age did you identify to yourself that you were gay?

21

5. What were some of the feelings/emotions that you experienced BEFORE you identified yourself as gay?

I was clinging to thinking I liked girls as a lad, so I hoped liking other dudes was a phase.

6. What were some of the feelings/emotions that you experienced AFTER you identified yourself as gay?

depression, anger, envy and a "why me?" attitude, more depression

7. What was your experience with the reactions of family members during this period of ‘coming out’?

I have not told family but I know my mom and stepdad know. and will be fine with it if/when I tell them for sure. I know my dad hates gay people and I am not close enough with him to make it worth ever telling him.

8. Do you feel as though your parents were supportive or unsupportive of your coming out? What could they have done differently?

My mom asked me if I liked any girls, I said no, then she asked about boys. I laughed, she was trying to get me to open up but knows I'm gay even though I didn't say it, and she didn't ask in an angry or disgusted tone nor is she pushing me to come out; so far she's done well. It would have helped if I wasn't constantly badgered with "when you gonna get a girlfriend?" although that was extended family, not immediate.

My sister's an ignorant cunt, but I have no respect for her anyway so whatever snide remarks she makes don't affect me. (I know she suspects)

9. Adolescence is a tough time for anyone growing up, especially tough for a teen that is discovering that they are gay. Please pick a defining moment in your teen years that made an impression on your self esteem/self worth AT THAT TIME.

I've had an inferiority complex my entire life unrelated to being gay so my self esteem was always low. I wasn't really picked on though and I had some close friends so I did ok in that regard.

10. What advice would you give to the parents of a child who is discovering that they are gay?

Don't assume your child (or any child) is heterosexual to begin with. It makes it VERY hard if they aren't. Realize your child is not a different person, that they are merely being more honest about their feelings.

 

[vamp]

1. How do you identify yourself? Are you gay, lesbian or bisexual?
Gay

2. What is your age?
22

Thinking back on your adolescence…..

3. At what age did you begin to “feel different” than the other children?
13-14

4. At what age did you identify to yourself that you were gay?
20

5. What were some of the feelings/emotions that you experienced BEFORE you identified yourself as gay?
depression, anxiety, self-hatred

6. What were some of the feelings/emotions that you experienced AFTER you identified yourself as gay?
relief, happiness, pride

7. What was your experience with the reactions of family members during this period of ‘coming out’?
I've only come out to my cousin and he's gay too. I felt happy that I actually came out to someone.

8. Do you feel as though your parents were supportive or unsupportive of your coming out? What could they have done differently?
The rest of my family would be very unsupportive, as they are very homophobic. I'm waiting until I move out and I'm financially independent.

9. Adolescence is a tough time for anyone growing up, especially tough for a teen that is discovering that they are gay. Please pick a defining moment in your teen years that made an impression on your self esteem/self worth AT THAT TIME.
This isn't gay related, but it would be the time I was voted most popular male student in the 8th grade.

10. What advice would you give to the parents of a child who is discovering that they are gay?
Please be as supportive as possible to them. When they come out, be show them respect, love, and support.

 

[briefboy86]

1. How do you identify yourself? Are you gay, lesbian or bisexual?
I'm gay
2. What is your age?
22
Thinking back on your adolescence…..

3. At what age did you begin to “feel different” than the other children?
13 years old
4. At what age did you identify to yourself that you were gay?

15 when i entered high school, i would notice myself checking out the guys in school ALL THE TIME! and checking out their butts as i walked to classes.
5. What were some of the feelings/emotions that you experienced BEFORE you identified yourself as gay?

It was really had to deal with at first. It was a not me feeling and like this cant be happening to me. I was very depressed and angry with myself. I started dating in high school and always tried to have a girlfriend because i thought as long as i was dating a girl i wouldnt be gay. but was so hard to deal with. because i knew deep down that i liked looking at guys..

6. What were some of the feelings/emotions that you experienced AFTER you identified yourself as gay?
I felt really scared but SO happy that i could finally be myself and start to try to see some guys. IT was very liberating to finally beable to be myself it is one of the greatest feelings of my life!

7. What was your experience with the reactions of family members during this period of ‘coming out’?
Well it was very nerve wracking when i came out to my mom. But i had a great susport system.. my awesome boyfriend was there for me the whole time. He kept telling me that it was going to be ok and that he was so proud of me. so it made it easier, but my sister was a tuff one. not that shes against it, she just didnt believe it, she had this thing built up in her head that she wanted me to have alot of kids so she could spoile them for me lol.

8. Do you feel as though your parents were supportive or unsupportive of your coming out? What could they have done differently?
Well my moms very susportive. She always asked how i was feeling and how my bf is doing. My dad is another question. He has no idea and keeps trying to hook me up with girls... so im guessin he may be unsuspportive for a while when i do come out to him.. but will get used to it and accept it.. (hopefully)

9. Adolescence is a tough time for anyone growing up, especially tough for a teen that is discovering that they are gay. Please pick a defining moment in your teen years that made an impression on your self esteem/self worth AT THAT TIME.
Im not too sure on this one.
10. What advice would you give to the parents of a child who is discovering that they are gay?
You child is the same person as the day they were born, Just because they happen to be gay dosent make them any different than they were the day before they knew. I think parents just need to keep a open mind and be happy for them that they are able to accept themselves for who they are and the parent needs to be susportive and just happy that they are happy!!

 

[LukiusCurtiss]

1. How do you identify yourself? Are you gay, lesbian or bisexual?
-Gay

2. What is your age?
-20

Thinking back on your adolescence…..

3. At what age did you begin to “feel different” than the other children?
-13

4. At what age did you identify to yourself that you were gay?
-19

5. What were some of the feelings/emotions that you experienced BEFORE you identified yourself as gay?
-Confusion, denial, and fear.

6. What were some of the feelings/emotions that you experienced AFTER you identified yourself as gay?
-Sort of relieved and enlightened because I have finally found out who I am and why I have these "strange" feelings seeing hot guys.

7. What was your experience with the reactions of family members during this period of ‘coming out’?
-Only came out to my brothers and it felt like a little life's weight was lifted off my shoulders.

8. Do you feel as though your parents were supportive or unsupportive of your coming out? What could they have done differently?
-They don't know and they would probably be very disappointed.

9. Adolescence is a tough time for anyone growing up, especially tough for a teen that is discovering that they are gay. Please pick a defining moment in your teen years that made an impression on your self esteem/self worth AT THAT TIME.
-I guess it was the moment when I found where I belonged in high school. I had a really close-knit small group of friends and they made the long school day go by faster; I remember having so much fun and laughing so hard I cried.

10. What advice would you give to the parents of a child who is discovering that they are gay?
-I would probably tell them to avoid saying insulting things about gay people. I would also tell them not to play the blame game, because being gay is no one's fault or a fault at all for that matter. Love them.

 

[innocentbychoice]

1. How do you identify yourself? Are you gay, lesbian or bisexual?

Gay.

2. What is your age?
20.

Thinking back on your adolescence…..

3. At what age did you begin to “feel different” than the other children?

Well...I didn't really feel different but at 4, I was really curious and attracted to the male phsysique. I loved going to the beach and being able to see all the older guys shirtless.


4. At what age did you identify to yourself that you were gay?

Umm when I was about 10 I started labelling myself as bisexual, following an experience I had with a boy my age. Deep inside I knew I was gay and identified as such when I was, don't know, 11 or 12.


5. What were some of the feelings/emotions that you experienced BEFORE you identified yourself as gay?

There was a lot of confusion and guilt whenever I did gay stuff.

6. What were some of the feelings/emotions that you experienced AFTER you identified yourself as gay?

The same, confusion, guilt, repression, I was scared people would find out. Then slowly, when I was 16, I started realizing that there was nothing wrong with me and my process of coming out started.

7. What was your experience with the reactions of family members during this period of ‘coming out’?

My mom cried at first for like 2 days and then told me she supported me and that if I ever had a boyfriend, she wanted to meet him. She went to the process for a few months until she didn't feel guilty for me being gay.

My dad was angry at first but then got over it and was really supportive.

My younger brother was supportive from the beginning.


8. Do you feel as though your parents were supportive or unsupportive of Iyour coming out? What could they have done differently?

I think they handled it great. I wouldn't change a thing.

9. Adolescence is a tough time for anyone growing up, especially tough for a teen that is discovering that they are gay. Please pick a defining moment in your teen years that made an impression on your self esteem/self worth AT THAT TIME.

The last year of high school was the worst for me. I ended up in a classroom full of people I didn't know and there was this guy who bullied me every day in front of everyone because people thought I was gay (they didn't know for sure). It was terrible, and I think deep inside I haven't got over it. I later heard some gossip about him fooling around with guys. How ironic.

10. What advice would you give to the parents of a child who is discovering that they are gay?

Let their children be who they really are. Let them find themselves. If your child is gay, there's nothing you can do about it even if you try. There's nothing wrong with being gay, it's the same as having a big nose, or a small one, or a mole in a body part. It just happens.

And it is NOT your fault.

 

[SonOfSlobone]

1. How do you identify yourself? Are you gay, lesbian or bisexual?

Gay

2. What is your age?

61

Thinking back on your adolescence…..

3. At what age did you begin to “feel different” than the other children?

3

4. At what age did you identify to yourself that you were gay?

14

5. What were some of the feelings/emotions that you experienced BEFORE you identified yourself as gay?

Isolation

6. What were some of the feelings/emotions that you experienced AFTER you identified yourself as gay?

Isolation

7. What was your experience with the reactions of family members during this period of ‘coming out’?

I never came out to my parents. After they were dead I came out to my sister, but she had already figured it out and basically didn't find it very interesting.

10. What advice would you give to the parents of a child who is discovering that they are gay?

Don't panic. Give the kid some space. Don't insist on discussing it with him unless he brings it up first.

 

[saymyname]

1. How do you identify yourself? Are you gay, lesbian or bisexual?
gay

2. What is your age?
20

Thinking back on your adolescence…..

3. At what age did you begin to “feel different” than the other children?
11

4. At what age did you identify to yourself that you were gay?
i realized when i was 12

5. What were some of the feelings/emotions that you experienced BEFORE you identified yourself as gay?
i had crushes on boys... i noticed them more

6. What were some of the feelings/emotions that you experienced AFTER you identified yourself as gay?
my reaction was a very good one: how am i going to deal with this when it's time to come out? i knew homophobia was the problem, not me.

7. What was your experience with the reactions of family members during this period of ‘coming out’?

i was afraid they would freak out. instead they just needed help understanding.

8. Do you feel as though your parents were supportive or unsupportive of your coming out? What could they have done differently?

a little bit of both. they could have realized why staying in the closet is unhealthy. and why coming out is important for self development and honesty.

9. Adolescence is a tough time for anyone growing up, especially tough for a teen that is discovering that they are gay. Please pick a defining moment in your teen years that made an impression on your self esteem/self worth AT THAT TIME.

the internet in general helped me connect with a lot of other gay teenagers who were interesting, attractive, intelligent, happy (happy as a gay teen in a homophobic society can be) and normal.

i also strategically came out during the beginning of summer after a certain year of high school. i told a friend of mine that i don't think i can really handle this and she replied encouragingly that i have 3 months before i have to go back to high school. that idea set in... so coming out during the summer kind of took some of the heat off of me and by the time school rolled around it was old news.

10. What advice would you give to the parents of a child who is discovering that they are gay?

don't ask them ANNOYING, IGNORANT QUESTIONS! how would you like it if people asked you, "so when did you decide you were straight? or when did you realize you were straight?" it works the same way for us!

 

[Shadowclad86]

1. How do you identify yourself? Are you gay, lesbian or bisexual? Gay

2. What is your age? 23

Thinking back on your adolescence…..

3. At what age did you begin to “feel different” than the other children? 12, is when I acknowledged I was different.

4. At what age did you identify to yourself that you were gay? 19

5. What were some of the feelings/emotions that you experienced BEFORE you identified yourself as gay? Numb, I guess. Have a hard time identifying my emotions.

6. What were some of the feelings/emotions that you experienced AFTER you identified yourself as gay? I believe I'm warming up to being gay, accepting it.

7. What was your experience with the reactions of family members during this period of ‘coming out’? My sister is the only one who knows, when I told her she was alright with it since she expected, ‘I wasn’t like other guys’ is what she said that sort of gave her an inkling. But there are times when she seems not so approving. Not of Gays entirely, but me being Gay.

8. Do you feel as though your parents were supportive or unsupportive of your coming out? What could they have done differently? My parents are unsupportive, therefore I will most likely never come out to them. Not because I’m scared or afraid, but I don’t want them getting involved in my life, ruining it for me, and shunning me because of it.

9. Adolescence is a tough time for anyone growing up, especially tough for a teen that is discovering that they are gay. Please pick a defining moment in your teen years that made an impression on your self esteem/self worth AT THAT TIME. Junior High, 8th grade. Someone, a so-called friend, learned I was gay and spread it around. For that entire year I was the black sheep, lost a great deal of friends. Damaged my self-esteem and self-worth, hated myself. Eventually, I got over it.

10. What advice would you give to the parents of a child who is discovering that they are gay? Although you may not understand, or agree with it, try listening and try understanding. Keep your views to yourself, your child is your child no matter who they love, because if you do, your child may just stop loving you.

 

[3x3is9]

First off, your questions are really vague, and when you ask about certain periods of time, you aren't really clear. You seem to think "identifying oneself as gay" is a momentary thing that has a beginning and an end, when that's just not the case.

1. How do you identify yourself? Are you gay, lesbian or bisexual? I am a man who likes other men.

2. What is your age? Approximately 20 years, 9 months, and 28 days.

Thinking back on your adolescence…..

3. At what age did you begin to “feel different” than the other children? There was no age. I've always felt different; after all, no two people are the same. If you mean when did I realize my feelings towards other men were not shared by most of my male peers, it was when I started elementary school. Around 5 or 6 I guess.

4. At what age did you identify to yourself that you were gay? I learned the meaning of the labels around 10. I used excuses to deny it until about 15 (despite fooling around with male friends, oogling men, and watching gay porn). I accepted it at 15 but denied it to other people. I came out at 18.

5. What were some of the feelings/emotions that you experienced BEFORE you identified yourself as gay? 6. What were some of the feelings/emotions that you experienced AFTER you identified yourself as gay? At first I was confused as to why I didn't share my friends' feelings towards women. Then scared when I realized that my feelings towards men were not accepted, and sad that I had to pretend. I was frustrated when I had to pretend and jealous that others did not. Then, when I was fed up with pretending, and accepted my predicament, I was lonely because I cut myself off from people so they wouldn't find out. Then when I decided to risk letting people know, I was overjoyed when it was accepted by everyone, and felt a little silly that I had chosen to hide it. After the excitement of coming out faded, I remained frustrated and jealous that my peers had an easier time finding matches, and lonely when I felt like I'd never find one myself.

7. What was your experience with the reactions of family members during this period of ‘coming out’? I never directly came out to my family members, so they didn't have reactions. Most use Facebook/other social networks, so many found out that way, or by others telling them. My mother found out through a random comment I made, and was surprised (as was I that she didn't already know) and she was curious, but other than that, no reaction. My mother tells me that my father believes it's just a phase I'm going through, but that was a long time ago. I don't know how he feels now. A couple aunties have discussed it with me, just out of curiousity. My brother and quasi-stepbrothers just accept it as the way I am. The rest of my family does not discuss my private life.

8. Do you feel as though your parents were supportive or unsupportive of your coming out? What could they have done differently? My mom is actively supportive of me in all things, so naturally that extends to my private life. The before-mentioned aunties also express their support. The rest of my family is indifferent.

9. Adolescence is a tough time for anyone growing up, especially tough for a teen that is discovering that they are gay. Please pick a defining moment in your teen years that made an impression on your self esteem/self worth AT THAT TIME. As this question is pretty vague, I will just say that it was difficult to develop a high self-esteem when I felt I had to pretend to like girls (and therefore be someone else) to avoid being mistreated in school.

10. What advice would you give to the parents of a child who is discovering that they are gay? Every parent has a different relationship with their children, so specific advice isn't really helpful. I suppose the best thing is to not treat them any differently than they would otherwise.

 

[The_Reaper]

1. How do you identify yourself? Are you gay, lesbian or bisexual?

Gay

2. What is your age?

22

Thinking back on your adolescence…..

3. At what age did you begin to “feel different” than the other children?

If by feel different, you mean realizing that I was interested in other boys, it would have been dawning on me by about age 8, which I think is my earliest memory of feeling a little different. If you're not asking did I feel different because I liked guys, well, the answer is different. I didn't really feel much different from the other children, with the exception of being a little more introverted than the rest of them.

4. At what age did you identify to yourself that you were gay?

13

5. What were some of the feelings/emotions that you experienced BEFORE you identified yourself as gay?

I had a few kisses with some girls, that didn't really mean anything to me. I remember walking into a bathroom once to see a guy at the urinal with his pants and underwear pulled down all the way; despite a feeling of embarrassment for him, I suppose I also had some slight curiosity in looking at him as well. I also recall some of the boys making reference to 'themselves' in certain ways, and thinking that I'd very much like to see that part of them.

6. What were some of the feelings/emotions that you experienced AFTER you identified yourself as gay?

I suppose my feelings were still more or less the same. I had a few sleepless nights with my subconscious badgering me about accepting that I was gay, which of course I did so I could get some sleep. I wasn't 'depressed' by the fact that I was gay. I was somewhat worried that other people would find out, but I was never actually depressed or sadden by the fact. I actually sort of enjoyed it, as it was a way of standing out from the others.

7. What was your experience with the reactions of family members during this period of ‘coming out’?

Well, my coming out wasn't so much my choice as much as it was being outed. My brother found out first, then my father, then my mother...My brother was slightly shaken, and despite my asking him not to tell our parents, he did so anyways citing that he couldn't keep this from them. My father was incredibly supportive, he came into my room, told me that he loved me and that he didn't care. He also cried a little during this, an act I'd never really seen him do outside of funerals. Then he told me he'd tell my mother, to soften the blow, and that was that. Her and I talked a little about it, but never really brought it up much. They were quite accepting of it, as far as my memory recalls.

8. Do you feel as though your parents were supportive or unsupportive of your coming out? What could they have done differently?

I think they were supportive, but they also had the same worries I did. I wanted them to know, but I don't think that everyone I meet needs to know about my sexual orientation. I'm not ashamed about it, but I don't believe that it is a defining aspect of who I am as a person; after all, only a few people get to see that side of me, and by a few people, I mean of course a partner. So, I don't think it's important to tell everyone. My parents shared this view, and were supportive and helped tell other family members when the time came for them to know. As for doing anything differently, I think I'd change it to me being the one to come out, rather than getting outed. I mean, it did work out very well, but I still would have preferred to have done it on my own terms.

9. Adolescence is a tough time for anyone growing up, especially tough for a teen that is discovering that they are gay. Please pick a defining moment in your teen years that made an impression on your self esteem/self worth AT THAT TIME.

This is sort of a hard question. Even before I really knew that I was gay, I suppose my self esteem wasn't in the best of places. I had limited friends, still do, and so forth...I mean, as I mentioned, I was never burdened with the fact that I was gay, I had no problem accepting that about myself. So, if I had to pick a moment that impacted my self-esteem, it wouldn't be related to my homosexuality, and rather would just be something that was singular to my life. But, if you still want a positive example, I suppose becoming something of a 'school known' person through various school clubs helped my self-esteem.

10. What advice would you give to the parents of a child who is discovering that they are gay?

That it's not the end of the world. That you can still have those grandchildren you dreamed your children would give you; that you need to support the happiness in their life over the happiness of your own. And that above all else, you have to accept and support them. It's tough and confusing for them, and they don't want their parents to be falling apart around them. You need to be for them like you were when they were younger, to pick them up, to help them out, and to make sure that they're going to be safe.

 

[KingofFaeries]

1. How do you identify yourself? Are you gay, lesbian or bisexual?

Gay

2. What is your age?

22

Thinking back on your adolescence…..

3. At what age did you begin to “feel different” than the other children?

About 7 or so, my family took a vacation to visit relatives, me my sister and my cousin were watching young in the restless and I told them I thought the guy was hot.

4. At what age did you identify to yourself that you were gay?

11

5. What were some of the feelings/emotions that you experienced BEFORE you identified yourself as gay?

Paranoia, depression, compulsive lying.

6. What were some of the feelings/emotions that you experienced AFTER you identified yourself as gay?

Relief, humility, sense of balance, depression, and the 'why me' syndrome

7. What was your experience with the reactions of family members during this period of ‘coming out’?

My mother said she didn't care, but what never the same.
My dad didn't speak to me except for occasional grunts for 4 years.
My sister could care less.
My grandmother told the rest of the family.
My aunt came out of the closet. And well it just sorta blossoms from there

8. Do you feel as though your parents were supportive or unsupportive of your coming out? What could they have done differently?

No. They could have made less anti-gay remarks when I was younger. They could have not treated me any differently after I came out as they did before.

9. Adolescence is a tough time for anyone growing up, especially tough for a teen that is discovering that they are gay. Please pick a defining moment in your teen years that made an impression on your self esteem/self worth AT THAT TIME.

About 2 weeks after I came out. I got fed up with people constantly asking me questions about my sexuality. Up to that point I was simply telling them it was none of their business. However since they weren't going to give up I resolved to tell them everything. I told myself the next person who asks a question gets the most graphic answer possible. Being comfortable enough to answer peoples questions about stuff like that, was just a little reminder that being gay is nothing to be ashamed about.

10. What advice would you give to the parents of a child who is discovering that they are gay?

What some movies that have a leading gay couple. 'Tears for Bobby' would be a good one. Don't may anti-gay comments, or comment on how people look gay because they have a sway when they walk. A child is always listening, even if you think your alone, so just watch what you say.