"Coming out" in the Army

[3nipples]

Great story! Good for you that you can relay around your buddies and not have to worry about that secret any more....

As far as your family is concerned, is there any reason why you need to tell them right away? It's not like you need to come out to everyone at once.

 

[tx_doc]

Good on ya mate!
Unfortunately, that can't happen in the US Army. My partner was in the army, sent to Iraq and I couldn't attend any functions for the army families because I wasn't considered part of his family. I wasn't allowed on base to see him off or great him when he returned.
So glad your comrades where supportive of you being true to yourself. The world is too small to be hung up on such a thing and our lives are too short.

 

[SonOfSlobone]

I agree with 3nipples, don't be in a rush. Parents are the toughest people to come out to.

The important point is that you're an adult now (by definition if you're in the army), you're not dependent on your parents anymore. You have to live your life as you see fit.

If you do decide to talk to them, do it from that point of view. You're not asking their permission, you're just giving them some new information so they can understand you better.

The tone should be, "I love you both very much and I hope you'll support me as I go on with my life. But this is who I am, and I'm not going to change."

As for disowning, I'm not sure what that means. In any event, don't assume that their first reaction will be permanent. It's happened many times that parents who initially freak out will eventually come to accept their gay children.

 

[rareboy]

Great to hear that you've got so much support.

 

[thewiz]

Congratulations and glad things went well. I only hope the U.S. military can soon become as enlightened. Tis' a shame that the boys on this side of the pond can't enjoy the boys on the other when they share the same bases!

As for the parents; you might be surprised that they suspected or knew. As someone said already -- you don't have to come out all at once. But when you do, come out as an adult; you need not ask for permission because it is your life. Your parents need to understand they don't have to live your life; they just have to continue to love the same person that they always have. Nothing has changed except the fact that you can not be adult and share what is really going on.

 

[On The Edge]

congrats!..would not have thought that ..nice to know the guys support you..& tell ur parents when ready..since u were kinda not ready to tell but 'dragged out the closet' as u said ..I guess in time u'll know when u ready..or so the advice I'v been given..haven't done that yet ..

 

[bankside]

It sounds like you've got your own life up and running, which means the cards are in your hands. Your army mates are right - it is not a big deal. If you spend any time at all thinking about how to best tell your parents, remember that you are doing them a favour. Ultimately, their choice is pretty narrow though; like it or lump it. It is hard being in the army with your family all knickers in a twist about something natural and normal, but with a family like that it would be hard being out of the army too.

Don't be depressed about it. If they have given you enough reason over the years to doubt their reaction, you don't owe them this piece of knowledge. You can pick a time of your own choosing.

One day they will realize they don't know their son as well as they thought, and they will realize it is their job to bridge the distance because they are the ones distancing themselves from your life.