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Coming Out Just For Sex?

octopusgarden

octopusgarden

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I'm still in the closet, but i've been told that it's not fair for guys "in the closet" to be having sex and still not be open about themselves. What's your guys' opinion on this? Is it really unfair?
 
Not fair to who? Your sexuality is your buisness. If you are tormented over being in the closet, it's not fair to you. I doubt the guys you are sleeping with are complaining that it's unfair! When and if you come out is something only you can decide. There are plenty of reasons why people stay closeted. Would you come out if you lived in say....rural Mississippi? Or how about North Korea? The person who told you this obviously has a limited view of life. Not fair to be closeted if you are having sex? Oh okay....so does that mean when i lost my virginity at 15 to my 15 year old boyfriend that the next day i should have went out and bought rainbow stickers and a "I Love Dick" t-shirt? The person who told this sparkling piece of advice, how long was it before they came out?
 
I agree that you should ignore anyone who tells you that you can't have sex because you aren't telling people who you're having sex with.

But to put a little temper in the mix (as in metallurgy, not anger) if the person saying this to you is a lover in a steady relationship with you and he is expressing that he doesn't like that you two have sex but you deny him and a relationship with him publically, then you may need to reconsider why you're willing to have sex with someone but are afraid to let other people know you love them. If this IS how things are, you need to decide whether your relationship is just physical or is there something deeper. Is it just sex or is there love?
 
For just sex? Do whatever you want, just be safe. I have this feeling that a lot of closeted guys scamming for sex aren't going to be as well informed or feel comfortable goign to those resources to get informed about the safety ins and outs of gay sex. Plus, if other guys you're having sex with are in yoru position and just going around for sex, that ups the prmoiscuity facotr, so be very very very very careful to always use protection...some STD's just need skin-to-skin contact (such as herpes).

If this is the case for you and an out romantic partner, like Eden suggested, then I personally believe that it is somewhat frustrating after a while for the out partner who wants the relationship to be an honest and open relationship. But I would hope that most gay men could understand if their partner isn't just ready yet, since it's a big step to take for everyone in one way or another. But expecting for an out partner to be cool with you always being in the closet and hush-hish about your relationship forever is a lot to ask, almost too much in my opinion.
 
As long as you can live with yourself, who cares?

But, is that how you really want to live?
 
That is total crap.I had lots of sex when i was still in the closet.You do what makes you happy and comfortable because these people are jut unhappy so there trying to bring you down with them.
 
I can't imagine anyone saying that with a straight face, but there are some real zealots out there so I guess anything's possible. If people who weren't out didn't have sex, just imagine how many pent-up horny and frustrated guys there would be.

People should mind their own business more and pay attention to what THEY do, not what others do.

Go enjoy yourself and play safe.
 
willow11 said:
That is total crap.I had lots of sex when i was still in the closet.
Click to expand...

So did I. But I've had a hell of a lot more since I came out. If people don't know you're gay, they may be hesitant to approach you. Put yourself out there, you'd be surprised what turns up.

Oddly enough, the category that's grown the most since I came out is the "bi curious" or straight guys who really only want to try it once. I usually politely decline because they're not very good sex partners.

But of course I agree with the posters who say nobody else should dictate to you whether or when to come out.
 
Oh please, we ALL got laid before we came out.

Ususally, it was GETTING laid that made us WANT to come out.

and no, this REALLY IS Soilwork typing this.
 
oh ... well i just thought that keeping yourself in the closet and having sex on the side made you sort of a slut ... or something. i dunno ... but thanks for the advice!
 
"Slut" is a name we call people who have more sex than we do.

No, it doesn't make you anything other than a guy with a dick who wants to use it.

So go let laid.. and if you happen to meet the right guy and want to come out..welll... cool.
 
I agree with everyone here. You shouldn't have to come out to have sex. I'd like to know the logic behind that guy's comment, though. How is it fair or unfair if you're closeted and have sex?

And for the record, not ALL guys had sex while they were in the closet. I never had sex while in the closet because I was too worried about being discovered. It wasn't because I didn't think that having sex while closeted was unfair, or made me sluty. But we all varying definitions of being in the closet.
 
Yup, if it is only sex you're after, there is no point in coming out to the world! Just stay safe and do what makes you happy.

Just make sure you let the other guy in advance so that you won't be leading him because that is unfair and ultimately, can cause a lot of pain and hurt!!!

If you wanted more than sex and you decided moving into a relationship, I can't tell you whether to come out or not because all relationships are unique and are dependent on both parties involved. If he is comfortable with you being in the closet, then, it's up to you. Just be frank and honest with your desires and your expctations with each other.
 
confusedboy23 said:
Just make sure you let the other guy in advance so that you won't be leading him because that is unfair and ultimately, can cause a lot of pain and hurt!!!
Click to expand...
^^^ What he said!^^^

Just take it one step at a time. You won't be the only one not out who's having sex.
 
Because you're not out you can't have sex...oh please:rolleyes: .
I agree with most...just be upfront with the other guy about you not
being out...and if he doesn't care, have a good time together.
 
Hmm....I've just realised that this thread started many months ago.

So, octopusgarden, have you come to a conclusion for yourself? :D
 
octopusgarden, don't force yourself to come out unless you are really comfortable doing it. And frankly, screw those people who have been giving you those negative vibes.
 
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