Coming out/Question About A Relationship

[Chris1984]

Ok, first off, I just wanted to say that I'm out to everyone in my family as of yesterday. And I must say it was a lot easier than I thought it would be. I've never been this happy in my life. I met someone I wanna spend every waking moment with, which leads into my question. He keeps saying we're not "boyfriends" yet, that it takes time. How do I know how long to wait, and how do I know if he really cares or not? Its been a month this Friday, but I don't wanna rush into anything. He drives an hour and a half one way to pick me up to spend time with him, so I know there is something there. I just want to be able to call him mine, and just curious how to go about it

 

[Sk8ter_Boy]

I had a similar situation about a year ago with my boyfriend. I just didnt push the issue and he eventually came around. Some people are just not comfortable with titles I suppose

 

[sixthson]

You want to call him "yours" and he is not ready to let you do that. You are moving faster than he is, but it sounds like everything is moving in the right direction.
Ease up a bit and don't be too intense or you might scare him off. Relax and enjoy getting to know each other.
Attraction and desire are pretty immediate, but relationships take time developing.

Congratulations on the good news about your family and with finding a guy to care about.

 

[G-Lexington]

First off, welcome to the other side.

Secondly, they say actions speak louder than words. He certaintly likes you. I wouldn't push him into saying something before he's ready. I had a tough time calling my guy "my boyfriend", and I was scared to say "I love you" before I was absolutely sure. Could be your not-yet-boyfriend feels the same way.

Lex

 

[Chris1984]

Thanks for the replies. I haven't pushed him, just some thoughts I had. I don't wanna lose him, this is my first time caring for someone like this. I enjoy being around him, in and out of bed. All my other relationships were sex and thats about it

 

[dalton41]

Ok, first off, I just wanted to say that I'm out to everyone in my family as of yesterday. And I must say it was a lot easier than I thought it would be. I've never been this happy in my life. I met someone I wanna spend every waking moment with, which leads into my question. He keeps saying we're not "boyfriends" yet, that it takes time. How do I know how long to wait, and how do I know if he really cares or not? Its been a month this Friday, but I don't wanna rush into anything. He drives an hour and a half one way to pick me up to spend time with him, so I know there is something there. I just want to be able to call him mine, and just curious how to go about it

Damn dude, you work fast, too fast. Slow down and build on a relationship first. It took me way over a year for him and I too have sex, even though we did go to bed with each other before then, we didn't do anything. Part of that relationship is built on trust.

 

[Chris1984]

Ok, just to update. We're still together, although still not "together" as boyfriends. We've lived together for a few months now. This Sunday marks our 7 month anniversary, so to speak

 

[sixthson]

Ok, just to update. We're still together, although still not "together" as boyfriends. We've lived together for a few months now. This Sunday marks our 7 month anniversary, so to speak

My partner and I told each other that we loved one another two months after meeting. I don't recall us using the word 'boyfriend' at the time, but we knew in our hearts who and what we were to each other. Is that the case with you guys?

As long as neither of you is hiding or denying the relationship, the label doesn't matter that much. Sometimes people are comfortable with labels because they show ownership. Relationships are not about that, I don't think.

Continued good luck and enjoy loving each other.

 

[landers]

If you live in the same house, sleep in the same bed and fuck each other and you're still not boyfriends I might be a little concerned. Not enough to do anything stupid but you might want to ask him, if you haven't already, what he considers a boyfriend to be. At this point though it seems like it might just be semantics, "you say potato, I say potata".

 

[Riverrick]

Its all just lingo. But for some reason it has a powerful effect.

I've been seeing a guy for several months now and we are only just starting to call each other boyfriends.

I think its the uncertainty of what it means. Is there some extra unspoken committment that comes along with the term? Our actions already indicate a lot of commitment - making time for each other, calling each other, spending the night together. At least with my actions, I know what I'm saying. With that word, I've been less sure.

Its like saying, I love you. I would like it to mean that I am feeling love for him right then, in that moment. But sometimes it feels like more is implied.

So, give him time. Read more into his actions than his words. Eventually he will be comfortable enough to call you his boyfriend.

 

[operafan]

Well, you're definitely past the "friends" stage. I'm not sure why he doesn't want the boyfriend label, but maybe labels simply go a place he doesn't want to go at this point. It sounds like you have a good thing going, label or no label.