Coming out *Slowly* - Want it to move faster!!!

[notherenotnow99]

Hey guys,

I just came out to my ex-roommate last weekend. She's a fag hag to many already so she was ecstatic. That puts my "coming-out" count to 3 people from my straight life: sister, a friend and now my ex-roomie.

The problem is that it seems to be taking so long (told my friend in october, sister in december). Should I just get it over with and tell everyone in one week? I've told these 3 people to keep it to themselves for the time being- should I just tell them to have at it and tell the world? It's very annoying that you need to "have the talk", it makes it so formal and I always get intimidated and back out.

Also, you should now that I'm apparently very straight acting (these 3 had no idea i was into guys) so I think it will be a shocker to everyone else. Also, I'm hanging out a lot at gay bars with my new gay friends and I'm casually seeing someone so I'm starting to be worry that my worlds will collide. And that would suck, I'd rather just be out!

Thoughts? Thanks.

 

[briefboy86]

Re: Coming out *Slowly* - Want it to move faster!!

yeah i totally know where you are.. I came out a few more people.. i came out to my mom first and she was totally cool with it which made me happy, then told my best friend who had no idea!! cause i'm as he said "a straight acting dude" lol and then told his whole family and then my sister.. but i know the feeling its like you want it over with.. and just to be honest just do it like you told your friend.. hey im gay.. dosent need to be the whole sit down and be all serious.. just tell them i will say its still nerve wracking but if you afraid your two worlds will collide just kinda start hinting and they may pick up on it. or if someone asks you just say yes. thats what i did...

hope this helps..

 

[givemeaname]

Re: Coming out *Slowly* - Want it to move faster!!

if its going too slow for you speed it up some people take years some do it all in one day, tell anyone and everyone if thats what you want to do, its about your own level of acceptance and willingness to take the good with the bad, not everyone is gunna be cool with it but most will, if you're ready then take the plunge, good luck!

 

[notherenotnow99]

Re: Coming out *Slowly* - Want it to move faster!!

Thanks for the advice!
Yeah I'm working on speeding it up. I'm trying to make a schedule/map of how to go about it haha. I need to tell my parents obviously and then my business partners (i have a small company) and the rest is really just friends which is the easiest (if they're weird about it it's their problem).
The other thing that worries me a bit is the guy i'm seeing is a lot older than me (late 40's, i'm 22!). I usually like older guys (30+) but he's way past my regular range. It's just that his age makes it awkward when I tell people that I'm coming out to. It would be nice to be with a guy closer to my age when I'm coming out... should i do anything about this?

 

[Homoboix]

Re: Coming out *Slowly* - Want it to move faster!!

Hi there. Tell me about it! I know that it takes forever. We can all give you advice, but only you can make the ultimate decision. Just make sure you are ready and that its a good time for you. Dont let frustration be the key to push you, but if you want things to go faster then really consider your choices. I myself took it kind of slow. I'm still not out to everyone in my whole family blah blah blah, but its going around eventually! Haha. I came out when I was 14 and I'm 20 now. Everyone is different. Best of luck my friend.

Peace,
Abe

 

[Tommy2Tone]

Re: Coming out *Slowly* - Want it to move faster!!

I am facing the same situation myself. Up until last year I just went with the flow of life. Didn't have any gay friends at all. Didn't go out to the gay clubs etc....Then in September I went to my first PFLAG meeting. I meet alot of different people and started going to the gay clubs. I started having fun and I was enjoying myself. For once in my life i am truly happy. So I made the decission that I am going to start telling my friends. If they stick around fine. If not fine. Im living my life for me and no one else.

 

[sunoftheskye]

Re: Coming out *Slowly* - Want it to move faster!!

Hm, I can imagine how that would be a problem. I didn't really have to worry about that because I started being open with my sexuality very early in life, so when I became friends with people I usually told them shortly thereafter.

As far as family members, once a few of them knew, it spread like wildfire.

 

[KaraBulut]

Re: Coming out *Slowly* - Want it to move faster!!

Over the years, I've seen a lot of approaches to coming out.

I've seen people have a big "Coming Out" party and just make the annoucenment to the group.

I've seen people do the one-on-one, big dramatic, "I have something to tell you.." thing.

I've seen lots of people just stop changing pronouns and genders in conversation, as in "The guy that I'm seeing..." or "I was with my boyfriend..." or "He's hot!".

Without knowing more about you and your friends, it's hard to say which is the best approach for you. The general rule is that if you don't act like it is a big deal, the you send the message to your friends that you don't expect anything to change.