Coming out to a guy I like

[mrdude]

I've decided I'm going to email a guy who I've had a crash on for yrs. I sick of hiding my thoughts and I'm gonna tell him. I'm not looking for anything and I know for a fact nothing's gonna come out of this - the main reason I'm doing this is to put my mind at ease and to get on with my life rather than constantly think about him. The problem is I'm not sure how to word it or what to say. Just short and to the point. Any advice?

 

[TX-Beau]

If he's straight? Don't do it.

You will weird him out. No matter how nice he is about it you will put a barrier between the two of you.

Think about what you're telling him, "I've been crushing on you in silence for years, and I expect nothing and know nothing will never happen so here are my feelings dropped in your lap DEAL WITH THEM because I NEED to do this FOR ME"

That's not being a friend.

I blame Hollywood for making movies in which this kinda stuff looks romantic - it isn't and he's not going to find it a compliment.

I have never understood the need to do something like this. If you can't control your feelings without a humiliating rejection which can't but make you look a little pathetic (really? YEARS pining for the impossible?) perhaps there is more going on here than just a harmless crush. Like maybe this is a crutch, so you don't have to go make a real gamble with your feelings?

 

[mrdude]

Definitely know where you're coming from, but I'm never gonna see him again. Honestly, I don't care about the rejection or whatever the outcome may cause. The reasoning behind my pathetic-ness is personal issues which has led me to this state, and I personally feel that this needs to be done for my mental health.

 

[TX-Beau]

Dude, if you're gonna do it you're gonna do it. Almost all of us have done this at least once. It doesn't end well.

I'm more concerned with these "personal issues" which require you to confess your love to a straight guy you're never going to see again. Perhaps we need to be discussing that. Plus that you apparently think it's OK to use this guy as part of your therapeutic process. That comes across as kinda selfish.

Maybe instead, you go tell someone else with whom you feel comfortable discussing your issues, a counselor maybe?

 

[Seasoned]

There is a therapeutic technique which would have you write what you propose without sending it. It's also sometimes suggested to write the imagined response. I think it could help you without hurting or confusing him. Good luck to you.

 

[8tomtoms8]

Why not come out to somebody who is gay or bi?? I'm with the other two posters who gave you great advice by saying don't do it. I did the exact same thing you're thinking of and it ended terribly. How ever bad you feel now, believe me you will feel worse after you tell him. Oh, you'll feel better for the first hour or so but then you'll feel like total shit for weeks and months, at least I did. I'll never tell a straight guy I have a crush on him again. From his standpoint, what is he supposed to do w/ that info anyway?? It's not going to make him want to sleep with you. If you're gay, it's just like having a girl tell you they have been in love with you for years. What are you supposed to do about it??
If you decide to tell him anyway, all I can say is we warned you.

 

[jensu846]

i came out to a crush I had on for literally 6 years. I finally told him after about 3 years that not only was I gay, but I have loved him sooo much. Well, he said its "all good" but he just isnt gay (which I still think hes bi) and thanks, but, no thanks. We never really got past it. Everytime we would see each other I know he was thinking that I was undressing him with my eyes or some shit. I dont know, it just sucked all around. We dont even talk anymore. I am glad I told him ONLY for the fact that it helped me slowly get over him. It was more theraputic than anything.
Did you tell you crush yet? like to know how yours went.

 

[genthree]

I think you should pick a situation and tell him face to face, then all your questions will be answered at once.
You need to get an answer and this is the only way you will be able to judge his reaction, know that he knows and move on.
Lets know how you go, I have been there, it is a hpoeless pursuit, so sort it out.
Good luck !

 

[innocentbychoice]

If he's straight? Don't do it.

You will weird him out. No matter how nice he is about it you will put a barrier between the two of you.

Think about what you're telling him, "I've been crushing on you in silence for years, and I expect nothing and know nothing will never happen so here are my feelings dropped in your lap DEAL WITH THEM because I NEED to do this FOR ME"

That's not being a friend.

I blame Hollywood for making movies in which this kinda stuff looks romantic - it isn't and he's not going to find it a compliment.

I have never understood the need to do something like this. If you can't control your feelings without a humiliating rejection which can't but make you look a little pathetic (really? YEARS pining for the impossible?) perhaps there is more going on here than just a harmless crush. Like maybe this is a crutch, so you don't have to go make a real gamble with your feelings?

I definitely agree with this. Just think how you'd feel if a close female friend of yours told you all of the sudden that she's in love with you and that has been for so many years...AWKWARD. So no. As somebody else suggested, it's better for you to write a letter just to get your thoughts organized and never send it.