Coming out to best friend...

[cumboy1]

I have known my best friend and his family for over 25 years...I think of him as a brother and he thinks of me the same way. The issue is, we grew up in a rural part of the appalachians, he is very what you may call "redneck", loves to hunt, drink beer, go four wheeling and all of that stuff, even has a rebel flag on his wall. I want to finally tell him I'm gay, but I am scared to....I have told him recently that there's something I need to tell him when we see each other during Christmas in a couple weeks. I am getting really nervous as it gets closer...I'm wondering if I'm making a good decision....

 

[BlondeCanadian]

Those that matter never care, and those that care do not matter

 

[bankside]

There comes a time when you won't put up with games for the sake of happy memories any more.

If you are close enough that he should know, then tell him who you really are. If he disappoints you, it is his failing, not yours.

 

[Seasoned]

It's a 25 year secret. It's time to get this off your chest. Good luck to you. I hope your friend lives up to that name.

 

[lostnfound]

The first person I came out to was my best friend of about 10 years. So, I understand what you're going through.

My friend has always been pretty liberal and open-minded, so looking back, it was kind of silly of me to fear being rejected by her.

My advice is not to make it into a huge, dramatic announcement. I came out to my best friend when I least expected it. We were talking about her sex life and then she said that she always tells me things, but I never tell her about my sex life. So, then and there, I told her that I was gay.

I think you should ease it in, and not just go, "Hey how are you. I'm gay." That will make it really awkward because he wasn't prepared for it. Perhaps, you could start things up by talking about relationships and whatnot. Then maybe ask him if he's ever wondered why you were single all along (assuming that you have been) and have never had a GF. Then just say to him that you two have been best friends are long time and that there's nothing that could change that. Then, tell him: I'm gay.

Just be natural and feel the conversation to know how to tell him. Tell him how you feel. Tell him what it's been like to hide this for such a long time. Hopefully, he'll understanding. Be aware that sometimes when you come out to a gay buddy, some of them assume that you automatically have a crush on them, which isn't true. You may or may not want to tell him straight up that you don't like him, to clear things up.

Good luck and please let us know!

 

[KaraBulut]

...I want to finally tell him I'm gay, but I am scared to....I have told him recently that there's something I need to tell him when we see each other during Christmas in a couple weeks. I am getting really nervous as it gets closer...I'm wondering if I'm making a good decision....

Out of curiosity, is there a reason that you feel the need to tell him after all this time?

 

[gustischafer]

You should do it if that will make you feel nice. You say that he is your best friend, so he MUST accept it and furthermore he has to support you. If he doesn't accept it then you'll know that you've spent 25 years trusting someone that you shouldn't. He won't be your best friend, not even just a friend. Anyway, I told my best friend a month or so ago and he took it really nice. He was a bit shocked at first, but then it was as though I had told him something ordinary. So, good luck!!

 

[cumboy1]

Out of curiosity, is there a reason that you feel the need to tell him after all this time?

Well, I feel by me keeping a secret from him, I'm not being a true friend to him by keeping this from him.

I really appreciate everyone taking some time to give me some advice. I appreciate it! I'll try to remember to let you all know how it went...

 

[MindBlast]

It's definitely worth doing. For someone that's that good of a friend, you should both know everything important about each other. But don't just flat out blurt it out, be easy on him and just gradually bring the conversation that way.

 

[KaraBulut]

Well, I feel by me keeping a secret from him, I'm not being a true friend to him by keeping this from him.

That's a good reason.

Good luck- let us know how it goes.

 

[rainman256]

I agree with everyone here -- it will definitely be worth it. It feels incredible once it's off your chest. All my friends have been unbelievably supportive once I told them.

Good luck man. Keep us posted

 

[thatguygus]

It's indeed really tough the whole day you'll be stressing over it and then when you do tell him it's feels like and out of body experience (for me it was). I don't think he'll throw 25 years of friendship away for that and on some level he might already know. Hopefully it works out for you one thing to keep in mind is that you're not doing it for him but for you and if you've been there for each other for the last 25 years this should be no different.

 

[lostnfound]

Also, remember that you've been friends for 25 years. Assuming you've never had a gf or it was obvious you never chased girls, there's a good chance that he might have known that you were gay all along and never wanted to bring it up.