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Coming out to my coworkers

Rex

Rex

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I decided I might try coming out to some people at work.

I figure this will be easier than coming out to my family or close friends, and kind of an experiment if I actually build the nerve to do it. I just don't really know how to go about it but I've thought about it for about a week now.

I work at a restaraunt and probably the person I am closest with is one of the cooks. He is a very freindly guy and is cool with everyone. He hangs out with lots of people outside of work from our job and is a very outgoing, friendly guy and jokes around with everyone. We have planned to hang out and he's invited me before but I was doing something else that same night and we haven't really planned to since. I think he might be the easiest for me to come out to because he's the closest person I am with at work.

Most of the people at work are all friendly but I am not close with any others there really.

So does anyone have any suggestions I could throw it out there? I know it sounds simple enough but it's much harder for me that it sounds. I guess the easiest way was if someone were to ask me about if I had a girlfriend or something and I used that to break the ice about me being bi. I would feel weird just putting it out there out of the blue to him.



I know this could mean some guys at work would be more withdrawn from me bu I guess I don't know if I never try right?

Chances are I probably won't build the nerve to do it but if I did it would be interesting to see how it would feel or if anyone would treat me different.

Thoughts?
 
Hmm... well it's a very laid back environment.

The cook I was talking about in my first post was dating one of the female cooks and they lived together.

Plus it's not a career for me so I guess I have less to risk by coming out, but I understand what you mean.
 
No, but first person in a long time.

I don't really keep in touch with anyone from the past that I'd come out to but I never had a negative reaction but none of those people were that close to me or related...

Again though, I haven't decided if I'm going to do it. I'm just thinking about the possibility.
 
A good indicator about whether the person has any interest in personal information about you is whether they ask you questions like "Are you single", "Do you have a girlfriend", etc.

And you're correct- that's your cue to fess up if you wish to do so.
 
Well I guess the opportunity might come soon because he just broke up with his fiance and that will get us talking about that subject because he always starts off explaining about the details but never finishes his story because of something work related.

So that might lead into him asking about me but I don't know if I'll be able to build the courage to do it.
 
Sounds like he's a good prospect for coming out to.

Once you've come out to one person, it gets easier as you go along.

Good luck.
 
I don't have any issue with coming out at work. I've been out at both jobs almost since I started there, and nobody's had any issue with it. Unlike piggy, both work environments are very casual, and we tend to meet each other's wives/husbands/longterm boyfriends/girlfriends.

Lex
 
G-Lexington said:
I don't have any issue with coming out at work. I've been out at both jobs almost since I started there, and nobody's had any issue with it. Unlike piggy, both work environments are very casual, and we tend to meet each other's wives/husbands/longterm boyfriends/girlfriends.

Lex
Click to expand...

It's an interesting contrast - the cities in which you and Piggy live and the profession that you are both in. Houston has never been known as particularly gay friendly in a state that that is not known for progressive attitudes.

The restaurant industry has historically been much more tolerant- dating back to the days when there were professional waiters and the term "gay waiter" was redundant.

Where Sultan lives is very hit-and-miss. Some areas are very liberal- Ann Arbor, Ferndale, Royal Oak and Lafayette Park are particularly gay-friendly. The more blue collar areas are not-so-much. My guess is that is that most of his co-workers will just shrug it off and a few will have something to gossip about for a few days.
 
I just came out to all my coworkers last friday. There is only 5. My business partner and 4 employees. They were like tell us something we didn't know, and my partner wasn't surprised either. He did ask that I be somewhat candid with patients about it bc we have a very religious patient base and some may be bothered by it and driven away.

It was very surreal. As I was saying it, I was saying to myself, "holy crap I am doing this!"

I am telling parents this weekend. Most friends know and the ones that don't will find out in do time. :-)

It feels great! :D
 
Piggy said:
Houston is very gay friendly. It's the work environment I'm in which I'm not sure.
Click to expand...

It's changed recently then. This is the same town where a mayoral candidate said that the solution to the AIDS crisis was to "shoot the queers".
 
He means that you don't have to make the grand "look at me, I'm bi!" gesture, but that you can also decide to not keep it a secret any more. That means that you don't hide it any more - where you would normally lie, fumble or otherwise play with the truth in order to hide, you now tell the full truth.

It has its advantages: you don't have to prepare yourself for that one grand moment. More importantly not doing the big coming out shows that you don't consider your sexuality a big issue, which can avoid making people feel uncomfortable. The downside is that some people might think you're joking and won't believe you at first. Also, you will have to be prepared to do a little more explaining the first few times you slip it into the conversation. But in the end I think this is a good way of coming out to those who are not close to you at work.

You may want to inform the ones you're closer to (i.e. friends) beforehand, though, lest they feel left out of the loop. :)
 
Well speaking from personal experience letting people at work know this part about you has only had postive results. I feel so much more comfortable at my job and I'm closer to many more of my co-workers and one has become one of my bestfriends, but my store I work at is like one big family so it was easy for me to do and I did not have to make it a big deal, I would just let someone know when I got to the point where I felt comfortable telling them. I would say it'd be good for you to ease into telling people [the ones you're close to] if that is what you really want to do and I only hope for positive results for you to Sultan!
 
Sultan said:
Explain. :confused:
Click to expand...


I think he meant—don't feel the need to come out, but if someone asks you, "are you gay/bi? Then answer truthfully."

That has been my attitude for the last year. Recently I told friends that haven't figured it out yet, and last week my employees/business partner. This week family, but I am only telling my immediate family. The rest can find out through word of mouth or asking me directly. After the family knows, then I am going to change my facebook status to likes boys and girls in the info section. If people see it, then cool, if not then they will find out when they do.
 
Well I don't think anyone will ever ask me because:

A. They probably would feel too nosy asking something like that.

and


B. They don't have any reason to suspect me.



I am not going to make it a huge deal if it happens. I would probably be very casual about it.
 
I actually asked this exact question in the hot topics thread a month or 2 ago and got some of the same responses.

But from what I have concluded (and what some have said already), if someone asks you just answer them with honesty. It feels great when you open yourself up to others that you've been around a long time. You have to be careful though because some people may not be happy with your answer (2 of my coworkers are seemingly religious and I don't want hell from them.)

I say just leave little hints here and there (body gestures, interests, ringers, etc.) and let them draw their own conclusions. I do that all the time. I think they'll eventually pick up on something. Others I know have already, lol.
 
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