Coming out to my family/parents

[GoGoJohnny]

Hi fellas, long time reader first time poster.

I'm a 19 year old gay lad from England. Always known I was gay and only ever been with guys. I come from North England although went to all-boys boarding school and now go to university in London, so live away from my family for most of the year.

In London I'm out and proud but everytime I want to tell my parents I just can't get the words out even though I know they probably already have an idea.

Any advice?

 

[Seasoned]

It might be easier if they come down to London to visit. I imagine that going home puts you back in the same position you were as a young boy. If the only opportunity is to tell them at their home, I would do it the first day of the visit. Do you have siblings?

 

[GoGoJohnny]

It might be easier if they come down to London to visit. I imagine that going home puts you back in the same position you were as a young boy. If the only opportunity is to tell them at their home, I would do it the first day of the visit. Do you have siblings?

No siblings, only child. My dad travels due to his business and my mam often travels with him so I do see them in London quite a lot but still can't muster the courage. I dunno if it is because I'm the only child so the only chance for them to be grandparents.

 

[Ganoderma]

You can give your parents some more clues by being out and proud on Facebook as well (assuming your parents also follow you on Facebook). I would not bother too much about being the only child. What's your reason to assume that they already will have an idea that you are gay? You might also use an 'opportunity' to tell them that you are gay.

Somehow, I have the idea that its not a big deal for you that you are gay. You only want to 'update' some information about yourself with your parents. Or share gay events (of petitions, etc.) on your Facebook? Currently, there is a huge debate in the UK (also in Scotland) about same-sex marriage. What's the opinion of your parents? Do you ever discuss this kind of topics with them? Might be an easy way to tell them abit more about yourself?

Its indeed a bit of courage you need. Do it in London while you are together with them, and as soon as possible. You just want to be honest to them.

Good luck & feel free to react.

 

[HunterM]

I dunno if it is because I'm the only child so the only chance for them to be grandparents.

Do you see yourself settling down in the future having a family of your own? If so, you could still have kids through adoption or surrogacy.

 

[HorndogPaul]

I just finally come out and said it to my parents. Started with my Dad (cause I knew he would be better with it) then went to my Mom. My Mom was not happy with it at all really but she still loves me and we just don't talk about it. Also you can still give them grandkids! There is a TON of kids who need adopting in every single country so the "No grandkids" argument is null for parents to hate about their kid being gay!

 

[GoGoJohnny]

Hi fellas,

Thanks for the advice. I'll think about what has been said.

 

[loveguys72]

Do whatever feels natural and right to you. There are many ways to come out to people. The key is that they know so they can share in a big aspect of your life. Good luck.

 

[GoGoJohnny]

They were in London for the weekend and I went to dinner with them on Friday night. My Dad aked me something about a girlfriend and I took that as an opportunity to come out. I wouldn't say it went well, but it didn't go badly and as I thought they had already had an idea about it. A bit of a relief on my part.

 

[rareboy]

There you go.

Now you can relax.

 

[anchihiro]

Well done man, i'm sure in time things will be great.

 

[Georgiadude]

good for you. I'm glad you were honest and didn't try to feed them some bs. as you said, they already had a clue. your dad was probably fishing to confirm his suspicions. I have a friend that is in your situation and he's in his early thirties. I told him the only person he's fooling is himself. now you can move on with your life and not have to worry about coming out. Congrats on coming out. they're your parents. they'll love you no matter what. give them some time to let it sink in. they'll be fine.

btw. you can still give them grandchildren. there's adoption, surrogacy and other options. your only nineteen. you have a lot of time to figure out the children part. small steps my friend. you'll be fine.

Steven.

 

[looseliam]

Fantastic! Not go find that boyfriend you can take home for some awkward family dinners

 

[HorndogPaul]

Atta boy!!

 

[Ganoderma]

hi GoGoJohnny,

Great you have used the question of your dad to tell them that there is no girlfriend in your life, and that there will also never be a girlfriend in your life.

I tend to think you need to consider this as some sort of 'update' of your status. Its good to have told them that they don't need to wait anymore when you will bring home a girlfriend.

Give your dad some time to get used to the reality (he was already expecting). Or is he involved in those churches who oppose same-sex marriage? Be aware that all mainstream business companies within the UK (and also in many other countries) don't bother if their employees are gay, straight or anything in between (and all are as well pro same-sex marriage).

So give your parents some time to get used to the reality (yes, our son is indeed a gay guy, and he is a proud and a happy guy) and go on with your life as an open & proud & relaxed gay guy.

Best wishes & take care.