Coming Out To My First Guy Friend

[Hot Mess]

Hey everyone!


I'm 20, and have only came out to my parents and my two best friends who are female. I just became really great friends with this guy recently, we've known each other for about a year now, but we started hanging out with each other a lot the past two months.

I've never had a true guy best friend before because I always thought the whole me being gay and not out thing is tricky. And to the untrained eye, I'm straight. But we click so well. We get each other's sense of humor, he's the sweetest and nicest guy ever, and we got to know each other so well now that he can sense when I'm uncomfortable or not being myself without me even looking at him or saying anything! He calls me his bro and is the first guy friend to ever tell me he loves me (repeatedly too). While we are still developing our friendship, I'm already starting to stack him up with my two best friends who I've known since the middle of the 2000s.

I think he's starting to get a clue though about my true sexuality. A girl that I drunkenly hooked up with one night and then ditched before it got too heavy got upset and started spreading rumors about my sexuality, and has told him. I know this because when her name comes up, he is quick to say 'Don't trust her man, she talks so much shit about you.' But we never brought up what she said, even though I know.

One night we were talking about gay people and he said to me "I have no problem with gay people at all. I have uncles who I'm really close to who are gay." Then he personally addressed me and said "[Hypothetically] If you like to suck dick, that's fine! It's all you. I just wish people would mind their own business." He's worn purple for those days to honor the teens who were bullied, and on his twitter I've seen him retweet messages about how everyone should be treates fairly, gay, lesbian, bi, transgender or straight.

I know eventually I want to be out to everyone, but right now I live in a conservative small town, and the crew he hangs with are 'urban' and can be very homophobic. One of his best friends wrote a blog about how gays shouldn't have rights and quoted the bible, and he 'liked' it. (But he's a notorious facebook liker, 'liking' things and videos that he sometimes doesn't read or watch). Sometimes I think I know him like the back of my hand and then other times I feel like I don't.


So to make a long story short:

My closest guy friend is straight but I'm not in love with him [Game changer! lol] And part of me wants to come out to him so I can be truly honest and be myself, while the other part of me is so freaking scared. Any advice?

 

[benlemieux2003]

Oh God, for once an easy situation on this board. Go for it. You've got nothing to be scared of!

 

[Rolyo85]

Nothing can make you less scared, other than just taking a deep breath and going for it. And I'm sure it'll go great.

And in case it somehow doesn't (though I doubt it) - well, you don't need that kind of friend to begin with.

 

[Seasoned]

It's time and he's already told you he isn't bigoted.

 

[Scottyboi]

He already knows, you said it yourself. That hypothetical stuff is bullshit. He's just trying to give you an opening.

 

[jensu846]

do it. he knows. there were rumors of me that my straight best friend heard too. I was so scared to confirm them, but when I did, he was like " I already knew, was just waiting for you to tell me". What a relief and alot of needless worrying I did. He never changed after, and our friendship is still as good as ever!. I even got him to go to a gay bar with me!
good luck!

 

[Hot Mess]

I appreciate the replies everyone. It's made me breathe a little easier about doing it. The only thing that makes me worried is how this would effect the dynamic between us. I would be crushed if he would think I was like in love with him or wanted to jump his bones.

I mean, yeah, he's attractive and my type. He's slept over my house a couple times and we slept in the same bed together and when we lie in bed and watch tv or something and we're like an inch away from each other, I can get a little, ehem, excited. I've had thoughts about doing sexy stuff with him, but if it ever came up and became a reality, I highly highly HIGHLY doubt I would do it, because I value our friendship more than just a blowjob or saying that a straight guy has experimented with me. Is that weird? I will reiterate that I'm not in love with him, I'm just a young guy, certain things can set us off, right? lol.

Ugh, I really hate being gay sometimes. If I was straight, I wouldn't have to be so worried about something like this, and can join in on just talking about girls we've screwed around with or what I find sexy in a girl.

 

[jensu846]

hi Hotmess,
your situation is very very similar to mine. My best friend and I travel alot with other guys and we always end up staying 4 people to a room. 2 guys per bed. Me and my best friend have always shared a bed for years when we do this. Even after he found out I was gay, he never freaked out about sharing the bed with a gay guy. Sure, I have wanted to jump his bones in the middle of the night, or "accidently" have my hand roam while he was sleeping, but never did. And I know he has seen me in the morning with a hard on, since I sleep in my underwear and so does he. ( i have also seen him with morning wood, which I used to save in my mind for later jerkoff sessions, lol). I did tell him once if he ever wanted to just try fooling around with a guy to see what it was like, I would be always be open to it. He said thanks, but he is into girls, but if he ever decides to "experiment" he said I will be the one he comes too.
He also said, dont flirt, dont make passes at me, or try to make me gay cuz it would damage our friendship. I have respected his wishes and we have gotten along great. The dynamic really hasnt changed, if anything, we have become closer, cuz now there is absolutly nothing I cant share with him, and I dont have to pretend or think twice about everything I say out loud to him.
Good luck man!